cherish thyself

it's been a foggy few days, mentally, here on firefly road, on the heels of yet another teaching trip, and i've finally decided to simply surrender to exhaustion when time allows, and sit back on the sofa in front of the windows with a cup of tea and enjoy whatever vistas the day wants to share with me.  this morning it has been, as you can see, a true bit of a fog - which seems quite fitting for the way my mind has been feeling like a cotton-stuffed forgotten toy, full of nothing but dull stuffing.   

yesterday i did manage to rouse myself and head over cowee mountain to the gem and mineral show in franklin - an overwhelming affair that takes place under an enormous white tent, bigger than any circus extravaganza i've ever seen - and about as circus-like an atmosphere as they come.  i try not to get out of whack when i go, but it happens every time; there are hundreds of tables piled high with strings of every color of gemstone you can imagine, every type and shape of pearl that can be produced.  i promise myself to limit spending time to two hours - a joke - and never can leave without forking out well over $1,000 in jewels.  it hurts, but i try to remind myself over and over (a mantra) that one has to spend money to make it, and even to spend it all over again.  i didn't even pull out my purchases - denial - until this morning, when i laid them all out across the table by the window.  see the colors?  see the ONE color, really?  green, green, green, or a sea green/blue?  i couldn't help myself.  you'll be seeing it all over the place in my work (you may click on the photo for closer detail), and i'm shaking my head today at my lack of variety this time around.  there was one lovely, lovely gentleman dealer there - from afghanistan - who spent a large amount of time helping me with my green quartz and aquamarine purchases.  i was touched, so very touched, by his delight and appreciation of my joking, laughing manner while choosing my wares; when we were through, he looked me right in the eye and said, with all seriousness, "you out of everyone here, out of all the people here, are the one person with the beautiful attitude", and earnestly, heartily, shook my hand.  i wanted to cry.  i spend a lot of time second-guessing myself after teaching classes, or any time after spending so many hours with so many people, wondering if i've gotten the right ideas across, if what i meant to say was understood, misunderstood, if my words or expressions have been interpreted some other way than how i've meant my feelings to show.  i think we as artists all go through huge periods of insecurity, and to have someone, when they are unhappy with us, shake us to the core with simple misunderstandings gone bad is to have all of the positive reinforcement yanked out from under our foundations.  why do i tell you this, when talking about the bead show?  i don't know.  but there was that nice, nice man, who saw straight into my heart, and called my attitude "beautiful", and i'll try to remember that when spending long sleepless midnight hours hoping that the things i do, the places i go, the people i see, all matter in the end, and that the words i say, the expressions i wear on my face, are taken precisely for what they are - straight from the heart.  i don't know any other way to be, honestly.

i spent most of my few spare hours at art and soul back in the hotel room, soaking up the late afternoon sun, sipping cup after cup of steaming hot tea, laughing and unwinding with dear, dear misty.  i like to think of a bland hotel room as perfect fodder for photo opportunities - i mean, think of all that blank wall space!  and these walls were at least a decent ochre color, with random abstract paintings that lent lovely backgrounds to a few self portraits.  i love this photograph of misty's hands setting up our heart rock gifts, gathered from the north carolina mountain streams and beaches of lake erie (and yes, i'll admit laughing just now when i looked at this photo, saw the same color blue/green stones, and the light bulb blinked in my head).   i have a dear little buddha, tiny in size, given to me years ago by old friend lk ludwig, that usually resides on my bathroom windowsill, surrounded by a variety of treasured stones, seeds, and beach glass that i've gathered from my travels and fashioned into a ramshackle shrine.  this is a travelling buddha as well, and every time i set forth on one of my journeys, he travels within my makeup bag, snug in his own wee little embroidered drawstring pouch for safekeeping.  i lament that i neglected to tuck him into my pocket on beautiful walks in italy, australia and new zealand - just think of the photo opportunities there:  little buddha on the rocks, on the stone steps, on the beach and in the trees.  you get the idea.

i'm showing a necklace and set of earrings created in my two day sticks and stones class by the very talented anne quinlan.  (i'm going to show some other students' work and photographs in a separate album - please bear with me, it takes light years with this dial up connection to download each and every image).  my students were absolutely grand - grand!  good hearted, wonderful senses of humor, with an amazing eagerness to learn, as well as a lovely sense of original creative drive, i loved them all.  teaching a two day workshop, like sticks and stones, is a wonderful format; it allows the student time to relax with their work, and also allows me to repeat demonstrations for techniques as many times as requested, wanted, and needed without worrying about taking up time needed for other techniques.  the longer time frame also creates a tighter bond between fellow students as a "family", and myself.  stories are shared over family photo- graphs and findings, bits and pieces from each student's treasured past, as they show me the relics they choose to assemble in their jewelry and books.  i do love it, and am always appreciative of those who are brave enough to sign up for two straight days of my teaching.  there were even some who signed up for additional one day classes on top of the sticks and stones - imagine, three days of - well, of me, my ramblings, my stream of consciousness approach to teaching.  good love them.  i'm truly humbled by everyone's work, by their excitement over their work, and by the happiness at the end of each class i taught.  old friends came back for another of my classes, new friends were made this time around.  i came home exhausted, yes, but rewarded.

i never remember to take enough photographs while i am teaching.  sure, it's easy to go back to the hotel room and snap photos of rocks, of my buddha, of misty laughing at geese walking down a sidewalk across the street far below.  but while i am in my teacher mode, instructing, talking, telling a random joke or two, i am wont to pull out the camera and document the work of a class.  yes, the two day class, my first of the week, was photographed.  but what happened to the other two classes after?!  and can i remember names with faces?  indeed not.  awful, awful, awful.  here is a wonderful design element from a student in my knot now, nina class - lovely, yes?  and i can't even credit it to her name.  just awful.  i'm hoping she'll see this and let me know so i can give credit where credit is due.  the same goes for the family portrait piece above.  i can see that sweet face of the student, and hear her stories of kenya, of gathering the obsidian glass.  but i don't remember her name.  forgive me, please, the mind is cotton this week (and most weeks, truly).  it is always good to have a face with a name, especially when it is someone with whom i've corresponded through the internet - via ornamental, usually - and i loved being able to give sweet chandra here a hug in person when she introduced herself to me in virginia.  what a radiant smile she has!  it was like seeing family that i'd never met, but hope to see again and again.

and here i am with my beloved olga - who, if you remember, travelled all the way to italy to take my workshop in cortona - and who, i'll tell you now, was the fairy godmother who so generously sent me a laptop computer when i was in need of one back in february.  she is a very special friend to me, someone who sweetly touches my heart with warmth, who makes me feel that all is right with the world.  and - i am hoping, keeping all of my fingers crossed - she plans on travelling to australia to take my workshop there!!!  i love you, olga; the world needs more kind, gentle, true-hearted people like you to take the edges off its sometimes very sharp corners.  (who said this world is round?!).   

speaking of australia - i'm very, very excited to have been invited back to teach again next year at art journey retreat in melbourne, with the same fantastic gals who organized this past year's first retreat.  i'm very fond of jackie and daughter jo, the team behind the gathering, and am honored that they've invited me to return.  this time we'll be in melbourne, then i'll be travelling on to western australia for a week-long workshop that focuses on an art piece i created called The Book of Trees.  i love this work of art - something i created straight from my soul, i think - back perhaps five years ago.  maybe six?  jackie had the idea to fashion a workshop around the piece, and extend my teaching to 4-5 days, with a day of relaxation in between.  i can't tell you how much i look forward to returning to that part of australia, to being out in the countryside, to wandering amongst the trees with camera in hand in hopes of seeing a 'roo.  (or snake, for which i'll be wearing my stomping boots).  i saw marie in virginia, who will hopefully be at home in australia while i'm there so we can visit for more than the usual five minutes.

i want all of you to duck over to my dear friend judy's blog at red velvet and see the amazing work she has been creating for the past month - absolutely incredible.  i met judy in australia, first when she took my pocket book of dreams class in fremantle at the retreat, then when lesley and i went on to stay with her and our sweet pal michael demeng(judy's beloved) at her beautiful home in the heart of sydney for four gracious days.  (let me add here that the photo was taken at sunset, on the harbour, just before we headed to the opera - my dream - and yes, that is michael acting like his usual phil hartman self when it came to having his photograph taken; lesley is on the left, judy on the right; i have reams of others, but this one was on the memory card in my camera at present.  to know michael is to love him, i promise).   but please - do go and have a look at judy's work.  i wanted to cry when i saw it, for the beauty, for her ability to express her own soul's poetry for someone else's dreams.   judy's profession is to create artist books for commission for individuals - and oh, the lucky gal for whom this was made!  i'll not say more - just go.  it will blow your mind.  we are all so very proud of you, miss judy; all the world is your oyster!

i started out this entry with an urging for you all to cherish thyself.  we get so wrapped up in pleasing those around us, in worrying about the ones we love, the people we know, or don't even know, the ones we bump into briefly, or not so briefly (have you seen the movie crash?) that it's hard sometimes to remember to love ourselves back.  mother's day is tomorrow, and even if you think you aren't a mother (those of you who didn't actually give birth to a child), you absolutely are.  male or female, all of you.  in so many different ways.  mother to a neighbor, mother to a friend, mother to your own mother, to your sister, to your co workers, mother to the baby birds out in the nest beyond the window, mother to your pets.  mother to your art.  your garden, your space.  mother to yourself.  be that.  for once, be just that.  and remember yourself, always, when it comes time to remember to love.   

Comments

[Cindy Dean]

Nina, you are such a wonderful, generous person. Just know that I for one loved your class (Pocket Book of Parlor Questions) at Art & Soul and I am looking forward to taking more classes with you. I love reading your blog as it always makes me think. Sweet Dreams....

[kim]

wow~this post brought tears to my eyes, especially the part about that man with the beads, everyone is always in such a rush nowadays and impatient, and you were so kind and let him show you his beautiful treasures and made his day...nina-you are a such a treasure, wishing you a happy mothers day and you will be in my heart tomorrow as always...
xoxo~kim

[carla]

Your post was like a little journey into another world... I pictured the tent with all the tables of gemstones, and I actually felt a tightening in my chest as I pictured all the colors and beautiful things. I wish I could touch the strands of stones you chose... I love the greens and blues. It must have been so difficult to focus and limit your choices! I do hope someday I will have the chance to take a workshop with you:>

[Geraldine]

you ARE beautiful. attitude and all.

xxooxx

[Ro Bruhn]

Fabulous words Nina, Happy Mother's day, I'm so glad you've seen Judy's work, she really is a true artist. I just love all of your jewels, I'm getting really excited now as we are having a bead and gem show this weekend in Melbourne, I also have a budget but mine is a bit more limited. I'm glad you met the man with the beads, sometimes it takes a complete stranger to see the real person we are, they have no preconceived ideas, just spontaneous observations.
Ro
xo

[Denise]

Nina, heartfelt wishes for a wonderful mother's day for you. and I am grateful for your words of kindness and love as it reminds me to nuture not only my wonderful family but myself on this weekend before I have knee replacement surgery monday.
Denise

[JUDY WILKENFELD]

Dear 'master'
Oh my Gawd (said in a southern drawl)Well what can I say. Thanks for linking your vast array of deep thinking readers to my blog. I really appreciate it - as you know. but I especially want to say thanks for being such a warm, loving and supportive friend. today I lit a white candle and said thanks to the universe for allowing our paths to cross. It seems you have this effect on most people that come your way and that, my friend, is truly a special gift to which you have been endowed and we that meet you, reap the rewards of. happy mothers day to you I hope you get serenaded by a didgeridoo today.
Love your ever so grateful "grasshopper". LOL

[Kim Veldt]

Mother - mother thyself! I read through your blog and read of the travelling the beading ( that's a gorgeous color - something's going to be beautiful don't worry about it ) the classes and the exhaustion - and then the message to cherish and mother ourselves.
Hmn.

[Gisele]

Happy Mother's Day to you too Nina & thank you for writing such beautiful thought provoking entries here, I love visiting Ornamentum and reading your posts.....I often leave with tears in my eyes. I dream that one day I will be fortunate enough to make it to the States and attend your classes, it would be so special to be able to meet you in person. Take care

[Mim Stella]

Beautiful! Thanks for a lovely visit to your site..

[liz elayne]

thank you for your words nina. that last paragraph...that reminder is what i needed to read today. to remember to mother myself. yes...

i cannot wait to see what you create with these new gems. the colors are gorgeous...
and how wonderful to receive such a gift in the form of the words from that gentleman at the show. this gift you can reflect on when the doubt creeps in. i love that...

happy mother's day.

[Elizabeth]

I CHERISH you!!!! Most lovely, most magical most one of a kind heart of gold, Nina!

May this day blow out the fog and bring in the clarity of how many lives you do touch and what light and sweetness you bring to us all.

gros bisous XXOOXOXO

[kelly rae]

you and your posts are pure s w e e t n e s s .

[Bonnie]

You always take my breath away with you sweet postings.....and of course the man at the gem show .....he just saw what I have always seen in you....
Happy Mother's Day Nina.....
xoxo
Bonnie

[claudine hellmuth]

hey girlie!

I am in a mental fog too. exhausted after teaching. feeling guilty for the work I *should* be doing.

love those turquoise beads!!! YUMMY!!
xxxxox

[Joanne Stables]

Oh Nina, I so love reading your blog!! It has lightened up a rather trying week. First we had a car accident (daughters Sammi & Courtney in the car with me) amd then Sammis beautiful cat was run over a few days later. Reading your blog made me feel lighter and happier one again!!
I am so looking forward to Melbourne next year and then a whole week back here in Perth!!! I can't wait to meet Misty and Olga...
The man at the Bead Show obviously reads people very well, you do have a beautiful soul, love all the goodies you picked up!
Yes, Judys book is absolutely incredible, she is an amazingly talented lady and another beautiful soul.
Enjoy your time at home to recharge. Hope your Mothers Day was wonderful.
Love you,
Jo xoxoxox

[Tina]

Happiest of mothers day wishes. This holiday is one of my most holy days for dreams shattered and finally realized. I know you were celebrated today.

[Jacky in Australia]

Wow Nina love the fog photo, I find fog mystical, the quietness of it is magical and when you are out in it, the comfort of feeling cocooned in gentle love.
I spent my mothers day just in the wonderful presence of my lovely daughters Kirsty and Joanne, my creative son has made something for me with his own two hands, how special is that.
Love the photo of you and Olga, the gorgeous, wonderful, warm, generous Olga, you are so right someone like Olga makes you realise that there are angels living on this earth.
love as always
Jacky

[Jennifer C.]

Nina,

How beautiful your post in all ways, sharing the beauty you know of in other people as well as the magic of beauty seen in you by someone you had never known! Its nice to have you back here posting after classes. It was a really looooong week, emotionally draining for me and I am glad to see you back, a light in the day! You are cherished ;)

happy mother's day to YOU! xxox

[Megan Pickwell]

As always I got lost in your wonderful words - transported once again, you are a generous soul, so giving to your friends and readers, students and loved ones - I learn much from you by visiting, not just the Nina knot (well maybe I'm having some problems there at the moment too!)
Blessing to you on Mothers Day.
Megan xoxo

[Tammy]

quinlan's piece has inspired me to do a piece to honor my mom and dad, who i lost within three months of each other earlier this year. i miss them exquisitely, and would love to memorialize them this way. i need to reteach myself how to solder, i suppose. but how, oh how, will i manage nina's knots. :) take care...

[Misty]

i had a dream about you last night...your buddha necklace was in the dream and we were laughing.

i am sorry.

[Stefanie]

Nina,

I never comment on blogs, but I just had to emerge from my hiding place to tell you that your Sticks and Stones class at Art & Soul was transformative. I can't stop thinking about resins, Nina knots and all of the wonderful possibilities...

Your blog has helped make the difficult transition from art explorer to worker bee much easier.

I was so thrilled to finally meet you and Misty in person. What generous, gentle souls the two of you are.

Take care!
Stefanie