shattered and washed

(editor's note, thursday morning, after i wrote this post very late in the night:  i woke up this morning PISSED OFF, for lack of a better way to say that.  i am pissed.  pissed, pissed, pissed, pissed.  but i refuse to live my one life shaking in cowering paranoia, in spite of the fact that the door will not be fixed until next week.  next WEEK?!  next %$#*%$*# week???  no, i will not stop posting about my life.  no, i will not stop sharing my schedule.  no.  no.  NO.  (can you hear me yelling here?!)  yes, i am a single woman living out in the middle of nowhere.  yes, i feel violated.  yes, i am afraid.  yes, i am angry, to say the very least.  this is more than an inconvenience, it is a robbery of my sense of well being, my sense of security, my sense of - sanctuary.  whoever did this to me - whoever is the owner of that nasty footprint on my front door where he (surely he, those footprints are huge) tried to kick it in, whoever rifled through my antique armoire in search of god knows what, whoever dared leave his huge macho tire prints in my back yard, damn you if you reading this.  damn you, and i am not able just yet to forgive sorry, pathetic, nasty, selfish you.  maybe - hopefully - in a few hours, a few days i will forgive, but right now?  i'm not that big.  i was able to sleep last night with a huge gaping hole in my life, with sounds of shards of glass continuing to rain down behind the sofa and into my life.  i was able to sleep, once i turned out the light after 2am, i was able to sleep without the usual crazy dreams until 9:15 when my landlord friend called to tell me they wouldn't be here to fix that shattered door until the middle of next week.  i was not able, not yet, to begin to sweep up the mess.  i suppose today, i will.  forgive the rant.) 

there is nothing like coming home after holding one's self together, bolstered and buoyed, to the feeling of being trespassed, violated, shattered.  i was stunned.  who would do this?  why would someone steal from me?  why does anyone steal?  why ask why? 

pretty, isn't it?  the pattern brings to mind the fathomless wings of cicadas, like glass with leaded details throughout.  i just never thought i'd see it in a simple, double glass sliding door.  not this door, anyway.  there is a sinking feeling when one stands before a locked front door that is no longer locked, when one walks inside and looks down to papers scattered at one's feet, glances over to find a thick scattering of tempered glass, open drawers, things missing from one's view. 

the new tv, the dvd player, my old laptop with photos and files... gone.  downstairs door, kicked in with splintered door frame.  who knows what is missing, other than these things?  i don't know.  my things.  my world.  my sanctuary, dirtied with unwelcome presence while i was away.  i did all of the right things - left lights on, locked every window, covered my studio table with a cloth.  yet still, they came, whoever they are, and threw a heavy something through that porch door, they kicked things and scattered glass across the sofa, across the oriental carpet, across my world.  this makes me sick.  no one deserves to enter this house without my welcome, no one deserves to stomp across my world.  no one.  so, i've spent this evening and tonight talking on the phone with almost every family member, i called the little 27 year old baby deputy sheriff and had him come to take the usual notes, the usual photographs.  why bother.  they've long since disappeared, and most likely sold the goods for drugs.  that's what they do, whoever they are.  they steal and they get away with it.  bad people.  shame on them.  jerks.  reminds me of the year that a popular boy kept going into my locker and stealing the chocolate bars out of my lunches that my mother had so lovingly made for me each day.  finally she folded a piece of notebook paper, wrote the word "SHAME" in great big letters across the front, then tucked the folded paper (candy bar thickness) back inside the hershey's wrapper and into the brown paper bag.  this so called popular boy of good montgomery stock (i remember him still.  wiley.  as in wile e. coyote)  took out his pen and wrote "go to hell" on the other side of the paper.  but he did stop stealing, and i hope he remembers his bad ways to this day.

do people who steal have consciences?  do they know what they are doing is wrong?  i think they believe it is right for them, that they deserve whatever falls into their path.  i say, shame.  i also say to go away, to leave me alone, to let me live my life without such a rude interruption.  things are things, just that and nothing more.  i can go out and spend another $1500 to replace the tv, the dvd player, the extra laptop.   it won't be easy, i work hard for my income, but maybe, just maybe, i can.  what i can't do is replace the sense of safety and solace i've had while living here for four lovely, quiet years.  i'll do my best to forgive and move on.  tomorrow. 

meanwhile, i'll recall the flower ben plucked and held still for me to see, i'll remind myself that he carried it home where we could place it in water on the kitchen windowsill;

i'll remember the torrential days of rain that washed and drenched the streets of atlanta, i'll remind myself that there are those whose homes were flooded, were damaged beyond repair.  and i'll wake up tomorrow morning, and begin to move forward again.  just like that.  because i can. xo

At night, I open the window and ask
the moon to come and press its

face against mine. Breathe into
me. Close the language- door and

open the love window. The moon
won't use the door, only the window.

From Soul of Rumi
by Coleman Barks

Comments

[Deirdra Doan]

Oh Nina, I am so very sorry. You bring so much beauty to others. I came to drink in the loveliness on your page and found out about your sorrow.
My thoughts are towards you.

[Angie Platten]

Oh, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I know the feeling. This happened to me in June. It is an awful feeling of violation and helplessness... mingled with a lot of anger!
Thinking of you,

[Linda Mondloch]

Nina, I'm sad to see this home coming after the beauty of your past few days. I will be thinking of you and the tasks of the next few days and weeks.
Linda

[Nicki]

Nina,
I'm so angry I don't know what to write...I can only think of all my best swear words! And I won't write them here, when you managed to write so beautifully about something so shitty(sorry, that one slipped out).

Nasty, thoughtless, lazy people.....how dare they.

I hope you managed to sleep...did you stay?...was Ben there too?

Keep well, remember all the good and lovely people, keep our thoughts with you too.

Nicki x

[Isabel]

I am so sorry for this invasion of your privacy, your home, your things, my dear friend. How can people act like this and move on is something I cannot understand. How can someone live with their own conscience after performing such acts is beyond me.
I am sorry for your losses and honestly hope you leap over this with all of your heart and soul. Your spirit and attitude that refuses to let who ever did this determine the rest of your days is a testimony to your strength in face of adversity.
SHAME on them!

[Shelley Noble]

Awful shattering. Thank God it's only things and not something more precious. Shame on the jerks indeed.

A gift the washing. Thank God for your Ben and your inner strength.

Thank you for the poem, wonderful.

[Betty-Ann Kelly]

NIna, I'm so sorry. While I've never commented before, I read and enjoy your blog (found via my neighbour Ahiparagirl. My hope for you is that you won't let this dreadful invasion compromise your wellbeing. My very best wishes, from New Zealand.

[Octavia Clark]

I've been following your blog for quite some time and, while I've never commented until now, I'm horrified at this senseless crime inflicted on you. You, one of the people who deserve it least in the world.

You are beautiful, Nina, inside and out. You have more than my sorrow and condolences on this matter (and you do, indeed, have those). If you need help with anything, anything, please don't hesitate to ask. After reading your blog for so long, I know that you're a proud woman (in the best sense), but after sharing so much of yourself and your life with all of us, anything you ask would be the least I can do.

All that I ask is that you please do not let this terrible act bring you back down. The pathetic criminals who did this to you don't deserve to have reign over your emotions and mind. They aren't worthy of your sadness.

Even though we have never met, please know that you have a friend in me.

[Christie]

I am so sorry this has happened, my heart goes out to you.

[peggy mcdevitt]

Nina, I am so very sorry, what a horrible way to see your safe, lovely peaceful home. You do reap what you sew but never the less this is very unsetteling. Mr. little Walter will make you feel a bit safer when he comes home. I have been thinking about you a lot lately and hoping that your feeling stronger and can enjoy life once again, you certaintly deserve it. I am sending a hug. Love ya Peggy

[Tami B.]

Oh my word. What an awful thing. SHAME on them is right. Sending peaceful wishes.

[Mary]

So sorry. So sorry.

[laura]

I am so very sorry that you had to come home to such a thing. I have been there, too. For the past 12 years I have stayed home on New Years Day, after coming home on one and finding that my house had been broken into, my dog had been hurt and my home trashed. They didn't make off with much, but I still remember the feelings of violation and how long it took me to feel comfortable in that home, my grandparents home, a place i'd been comfortable for twenty some odd years...

It will get better, and believe me...the police may not catch them, but eventually, they will pay for what they have done.

love and blessings,
~*~

[Barbara]

Shameless and senseless ... hugs and prayers go out to you.

[Joni]

(((hugs)))

[Julie Q]

I don't think those types of people think about their impact on others, they just think everything is there for the taking.

I hope you can find some peace in your little home in the hills.

Big hugs.

Julie Q

[Laura]

Dear Nina, I am just so thankful that you were not home at the time! How awful indeed! The sense of entitlement, that these thugs feel they have the right to just take whatever they want angers me so! That they take from those of us who as you said work hard for what we want and have. If only they COULD feel shame because that does rightfully belong to them! Be safe, hugs, Laura

[Julie]

Holy crap Nina!
How completely and utterly violating!!!!!
I can't imagine this type of horror after you finally managed to have an uplifting spiritual weekend in NH spreading good karma and love to the world....how unfair. These past weeks were tough enough for you it seems, with all the drug withdrawal ups and downs.
THANKFULLY> Ben is there to help hold you up during this newest trauma. (and I thought my life had it's ups and downs)
Hold tight. Keep it together. ONe moment at a time. You will survive this and provide strength for others at the same time, because of your special status. It's your gift.
I send you myriad good vibes from upstate NY!!

[andra]

geez Nina, I'm mad for you ...mad at the world. sigh...it probably is for drugs but that doesn't make it right. They stole what was most important...your sense of peace inside your own home. I am GLAD you have Ben to help give you that sense of safe back. Be well my friend, Andra

[lee w.]

Oh Nina!!! I am so sorry about the robbery, more for your sense of security than the material things. I hope and pray that your soul is soothed soon.

[Kathleen]

Hugs Nina, having one experienced this I know it is not all about the things and maddening as that part is, it truly is violation and feeling your sanctuary of home has been stolen. I am so sorry...

[Cathy W.]

I'm so sorry Nina. Our homes are our sanctuaries and I'm sorry all of those feelings about home have been taken from you along with your possessions.

[Tina in McLeansville]

oh dear nina b, i am so sorry about this for you. whomever did this...whomever does these type things..they have no sense of right and wrong. they are the kind of people who take even more than those "things" we can see...they take parts of our soul, they invade places that even those closest to us have never seen. it is wrong, so very very wrong...and it is shattering...it knocks the very foundation from beneath you, i know. but i also know this...you are bigger than them...your good is greater than their evil...your strength makes them look weak. and you are so right...every day you will move forward one step at a time...because you can. no matter what. xx

[Anne]

What a shocking thing to come home to. Fortunately the things that you value no one can steal. Squam was beautiful, thanks for sharing.

Anne

[Renate]

Nina, I am so devastated to hear of this violation of your sanctuary! I am glad you sound mad in this post!! That is a good reaction. Sending you love!! xo

[Terry Handel]

Nina, I am so sorry you were violated in this manner. May the person(s) who did this get their just due. What goes around comes around. Peace and well being to you, my friend.
Terry H.

[carol]

Nina....so sorry.........I can totally relate to the feelings of violation you went through....myself having a horrible experience yrs ago....it was a break in , but the motive was rape or worse...i came out of it without being physically violated,but it took a long time to get rid of the fear and anxiety it left.....damn that man..........life has a strange way of throwing such things in your life as your trying to get through a difficult period.........keep the faith................I wish you the best....i was so sad that you had to come home to such a rape of your sanctuary............

[Ilene]

Nina,
We don't know each other - that is, we haven't met, but when I read your post today I thought this was a good day to write to you. I am so so sorry about the violation of your house and home, and cannot tell you how outraged I am for and with you. May you and your house heal and be whole again soon.

What I also want to tell you is that when I log onto Google reader yours is the first blog I read - and the days when you post I actually exclaim out loud in delight. (Don't tell my twin sister...she has a blog too!). Something about the way you express yourself, your gentleness with language and emotions, and your images (and of course your work), moves me. And I am enthralled with the story about you and Ben - I met my partner David very late in my life (and his). It's an unexpected gift.

So I am with you in spirit and thought and grief...and when joy returns I will be with you in that.
Ilene in Baltimore

[Debi]

Oh Nina. A shame. A pain. I have been through this also, more than once if you count my car - more than 2ce if you count my car. It isn't personal, it is all about them. Know this and go on. When this first happened to me, it took weeks to figure our what was missing - yes, cameras, jewelry, VCR were obvious. Other things not so much. You just go on. It is not personal. My brother called me after that first break in, he having been through the same thing, saying he'd felt violated, didn't I? Oddly, I didn't, and I told him so. Well, he answered, YOUR house must have been CLEAN. He made me laugh and I went on. I work hard for the money - little though it is - and I wish I knew that the thieves suffered, that they felt regret, but I don't believe they did. Leave them behind you, learn from them what you can, understand it is not personal, move if you must, stay if you want. Perhaps find someone to house sit when you are gone - your life is out there in the world; people pay attention. You were right - they are jerks.

Take care.

[rusted wings]

May angels surround you and give you peace and shelter under their wings....
and may swift judgement come upon those robbers that will bring them to their knees!!!
warm hugs
abigail

[Erin Prais-Hintz]

I was reading backward since I had missed a few days. After the glory of your days spent at the art retreat to come and find such a mess, such a violation of your space is truly horrific. Yes, you are not flooded out, but you must be shaken to your core. You who bring so much light and joy and beauty to the world, you do not deserve such jerky destruction. This makes me so very mad! But you are right. They are just things. Things can be replaced. I just hope that you can find a peace in yourself to move forward. Know that I am thinking of you. Enjoy the day.
Erin

[deb]

So Sad, so Mad... gather strength from all of your friends out here in blogland to make it easier to move forward. My Mom's favorite saying in matters like these:"Head up - feet down". Thinking of you - Deb

[sue]

Oh dear Nina, this sort of thing hurts my heart. It will take a while to recover from this, but trust me, you will.
You are in my thoughts, Sue xo

[Sally Hackney]

Nina, I'm glad you were gone when this happened. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Prayers for you today! Sally

[Michele Bailey-Lessirard]

I love your blog and your presence. I know this heart pain, the violation of our home...it's soul loss from such a deep place. Fifteen years later I am there again as I read your words today.

Take time for you, and also take time to renew the house...I swept my whole house with a simple broom when we were robbed...I opened all the windows to let the wind wash through, used some sage to invite the good back in to dwell so I could heal. Sending my heartfelt prayers your way.

[Carla Fox]

Nina,
Having your sanctuary violated like this is beyond imagining, especially after all you've been through lately. Shame is an emotion that doesn't seem to exist in today's world....at least to those who should be feeling it!
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You're a survivor, and this, too, shall pass.

[janet]

oh, nina. i am so sorry. but i am also SO impressed at the beauty you found in an ugly situation, a beauty worth capturing and likening to the wings of a cicada. people like you who can find the beauty in all that surrounds them are never without hope.

[Deborah]

I cried "Oh No" aloud when I opened your site today. I hate it. Have been robbed in my home twice and once in a business I had with my ex. All years ago now and hope, I have had my share. It is random and it's horrible but we must march on as they, the theives are not worth the negativity that tries to settle in and stay after such an event. My thoughts are with you dear Nina. An arm around you from afar. Deborah

[LeAnn]

Oh dear, this is more than terrible. I too have had a break in many years ago. It was not the material things that went missing but that horrible sense of loss of sanctuary that hurt most. But you must feel that pain deeply and examine it, even coddle the anger. Anger is not a bad thing when you feel this kind of violation. It is just an emotion like any other, appropriate in this context. The sense of loss will lose it's sharp edges over time. Be well, Nina. Warmly, LeAnn

[Erin]

I am so sorry you had to come home to that Nina...I hope your experiences in New Hampshire will stay with you to counter the bad, a bit anyway. Sending good, safe thoughts your way..
Erin

[Lesley]

So very sorry, dear one. They raped your home, destroyed your nest, stripped your sense of security. I know this will only make you stronger, a rude interruption on your current journey towards a more powerful nina. xxxxx

[Lennie]

Dear Nina, words escape me right now. How bloody awful. Just awful. You are right to be MAD, to even stay MAD for a while. You live with such hope that I know you'll pass through these bad times but .... still. How bloody awful. Hugs to you.
==lennie==

[Joy]

Oh Nina what an awful thing to have to come home to!! Shame on them indeed! They may think they've gotten away with it but one day, they'll pay for the horrid things they've done, though that's probably little consolation for you at this moment.
Yes, be angry & pissed off -- who wouldn't be? But don't let it get you down, they're so not worth it.
Hope Ben & Walter will be with you soon. Stay safe, dear one, & know you're held safe & warm in the thoughts of so many. xxx

[Cindy In Carolina]

Rat Bastards.

[katie]

so very sorry nina. xox

[Dorcas Midkiff]

Have had this happen...violation is too mild a word! It is mental rape!

[Kathleen Barnes]

What a horror story....not the stuff, but your emotional security that was stolen away. I hope all their teeth fall out !

The sad thing is this is one of many stories I have heard recently of robberies. I am afraid desperados grow more desperate, more agressive as the economy thins. Not an excuse, not an excuse at all. We who work hard for our money and give generously when we can don't deserve this. You don't deserve this.

Sigh..can your landlord replace the door with a pretty wrought iron gate that covers the glass ? We had one custom made to prevent just such a mess after a friend had a similar invasion...something to consider.

[fay]

Oh sweetie
How sorry I am for you. I know how you feel, I have been thru this myself. My husband was away in the Falkland Islands when the war was on and I was on my own. My son was away at boarding school. I came home from work one night to find precious stuff missing, it hits you right in the stomach, you feel so violated. Wanna borrow one of my guns girlfriend. Seriously, maybe you should not advertise so much your schedule for being away doing your classes, I am sure someone must have read your blog and struck knowing you were away. Please be safe where you are, you can always get more stuff, but you are precious, we would hate to lose you.
Take care
Fay

[Cathy]

Oh, that was such a shock and so very sad. And you are right to feel the anger, it's important. It's the first step back to being normal and not being a victim. Then, later, you can forget it and perhaps forgive.

[Susan]

I'm so sorry Nina. I'm just glad that you are okay and that at least you were not home when this happened.

[Patty]

This experience is one I've been through and
it is a violation and you deserve to be pissed. (WHY will it take a week to cover that hole...I mean they DO make plywood, and
it's available everywhere). That is not acceptable for you to wait one whole week.

But you were not there to be
harmed. We were burglarized while our house was empty.
These people were caught and are now in jail. They even shot a poor cow in their multi county rampage. My animal and
people family were not within hurting distance of these people in their crazy time. And remember you don't have to forgive until you feel safe again. I'm so happy you're safe!

[Laurie]

Go ahead and shout, you strong, amazing, woman! And, we will shout with you: YOU DID NOT TAKE WHAT IS AT NINA'S CORE!! As others have said in heartfelt ways, you have been striving these past weeks physically and mentally to reach new paths, and, you kept climbing. Love came along, just as it was supposed to. It is what will help you through this. That love can be the armor against what has been done. You will draw from the strength you have worked so hard to hold on to. As someone said to me recently, Take good care of you. Gentle Hug ~ Laurie xx

[Star]

Oh, Nina, what an awful thing to come home to after your beautiful time away. As you say, the physical things can be replaced (at your expense), but the feeling of violation will no doubt linger long past the arrival of a new media center and computer. Draw the love of friends and family around you as you reclaim your home.

xoxo Star

[Kim]

Oh, Nina. Such a beautiful summer and now this. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

[bobbi]

dear nina...I hope you stay mad! It's not losing the things that is so disgusting, but the arrogance they displayed....clearly, these were not poor people out looking for food money but thugs out looking to rip off anyone they could and in the nastiest possible manner...makes me mad for you!
I know you're an independent gal, but this is a good time to invite your friends in to help you clean up and restore your home.

[Bonnie]

Gee whiz, I miss a day of reading my fav. blog and look what happens to your sense of peace and joy.

I understand your feelings. I do. My folks told everyone in the neighborhood they were going on vacation......the night they left, they were robbed. They were retired and didn't have much but those bad people still found it necessary to come in and take their little t.v. and old music player.(How much did they get for it? $2.49 ????
My mom said she felt raped, literally. When she came home there was that fingerprint powder left all over everything. It was left behind by the police. She never seemed to fully recover from it. She never felt really safe after that. Funnily enough, it was a young boy that my dad had helped many times and his family as well. My daddy trusted him.

I am so sorry to hear about this Nina. You were soooo happy. Maybe next time, don't share about your trip until you are safely home again........This wonderful internet stuff has so much Good to offer but evil ones use it too!
I just feel sick inside.....but you know, you took some AWESOME photographs of it. Very artistic indeed!! It does look like Cicada wings!!
I hope Ben and Walter will be with you this weekend..............

[Sharon]

I am sick to hear this. I am grateful, however, that you were not home when this travesty happened. I pray that Heavenly angels with fiery swords surround you and your home, ready to strike at anyone or anything who dare to violate the sanctity of your home, your very being.
Please take extra good care of yourself. I wish I were there to help.

[delila]

OH NO!!! i am so so sorry Nina.
it is sad that you have lost the serenity in your own home.

I hope there would be someone with you, that you would not need to be alone.

Delila

[Leslie]

Nina, I am a huge fan of your work and your writings, and am deeply sorry for what happened to you. It is truly a horrible feeling to be so violated. May you find some comfort in knowing that so many people care about you.

[Leighanna Light]

Oh honey, I am so very sorry to read this. I know how awful this feels, wish I could say something to make it better.

[Michelle]

Nina...I am so sorry!! And I am PISSED for you...WITH you...how dare they! You hang in there...and don't let this push you backward. You have been making incredible progress..you have been moving forward taking strong determined steps...and you just keep that up. Don't let this push you back into that pit...stay strong. xoxoxo

[lauren]

oh Nina, i'm so sorry. what a terrible thing to occur. i hope your sense of peace and security return soon.

[Karen]

Darling Nina - I am just shocked that this happened to you. I'm so sorry that this was your homecoming after Squam. Thank goodness you weren't home at the time. Sending you love - wish I could send you a door!

[Mary]

Wretched thieving swines! You have every right to rant. Rant, rant, rant away.
Hope you feel peaceful,safe and cozy again very soon.

[Adrienne Berry]

Ugghh!!! This sucks!! All I can think of is something my mother always says to me. Hurting people hurt people. They don't care how they do it or who they do it to. I'm so so sorry that this happened especially after such a glorious time you had in NH. At the same time I'm thanking God that you and you're loved ones are safe and sound, and no one was there while this happened.

[Loretta]

OH, shit. Forgive my language, I would like to print a worse expletive, but I'll hold my tongue in print. Dearest, hold yourself tight and tell that landlord to get his butt in gear and replace it with something until the door comes in - nail over it, etc.

I am so, so sorry!

[mansuetude]

That!!! is not easy.

(don't even ask why when guys are on drugs)*

I gotta say i love the way you cry out in strength... Rumi gave me goosebumps darling. I think Rumi would be amazed by you ... seeing the love, the poem.

Mantra: i am safe and secure always.

x

[Gabriela Gaudet]

I pity that man who thought with this vile action he could in any
way tamper with your spirit and dirty that beautiful soul!He thought powerful I am sure....but isn't it funny how powerless next to you?Love,
Gabriela

[Jamie]

Oh, Nina. What a horrible, awful thing to happen. It's probably better that you weren't there. They might have still come in! You are more precious than things. It still hurts, though. And it is a horrible violation. I am thinking of you and wish I could give you a big hug right now. It will be ok. Love and peace to you today. Jamie V in MT

[Shirley]

Dear Nina~
I am so sorry that this has befallen you and am so, so,very glad that you were absent and therefore, unhurt except in your sense of
security. Which I know is HUGE as I recall when I went through the
same feelings or similar. Again, I am sorry and send you peace.
xo
Sassi

[Karen]

Oh Nina, I don't even know where to start. How awful and traumatic to have your home, your sanctuary, violated in this way and to discover it upon your return. Oh god, how awful. I'm sending you love and hugs for comfort. I know that you can clean up the mess, purchase new things to replace what has been stolen but it will take time to feel that sense of safety and wholeness once again. Give yourself time to heal, my dear friend. Do what needs to be done: cry, scream, wail out your feelings of sadness and anger, and then connect once again to your beautiful light and shine as you always do. Thank goodness that you and Walter were not home when those monsters broke in. xoxo, Karen

[Carole]

I am so terribly sorry that this has happened to you. I hope that over time (and it will take time) that you can get your sense of security back.

[dee chapman]

Nina, I'm so sorry that you have to add this violation to your memories. I wish I was close by to lend a hand. What a mess to deal with after a wonderful time in NH.My prayers are with you sweet friend

[amy rehnae]

oh. my. gosh. what is wrong with people??? i am soooo sorry. i wish i lived next door, or even in the same town...i would have been there in a flash! sending good vibrations of peace your way...
xoxo

[sperlygirl]

i have been there nina, i understand. and i send you much love and light. xx suz

[Holly - UK]

I cannot believe im reading this and seeing those photos...this seems like a dream!!! I cannot believe it! It's heartbreaking!!! Iam so upset that this has happened! Who the hell in the world would this? The mind boogles!!! I am sending you nothing but LOVE nina...be strong, you can get through this,its just one big test.... and rant as much as you want!!!!!! xx

[Misti]

Dearest Nina,
So, so, so sorry to hear about your intrusion. My family has experienced this..and it is an awful feeling. My home place (my parent's home) in Kentucky was burned down while they were in Florida. It was ruled as arson, yet nothing was done to find the evil doers. It is something I still mourn to this day...years later. I long to go there and visit, but, the charred remains are too hard to look at. It is difficult to take the "high road" in these type of situations. So, I honor your anger!!! Yell it from the rooftop. May your feelings of peace and safety be returned to you.

[Beth]

Nina, happy to hear that you and Walter were not hurt. So sorry that some miserable person has done this terrible thing. Big hugs, Beth p.s. hope the landlord can do better than a week on the door replacement, talk about shameful!

[Kim]

Oh Nina! After such a beautiful trip to New Hampshire, to come home to this?!? I'm so sorry you had this terrible upheaval in your life. So very sorry! I pray they catch the jerk(s) and return as much as they can of your things. At least then you'd know that some justice came out of this evil deed! ((hug))

[herhimnbryn]

Dear One,
Hell, oh hell. Sometimes this distance is so bloody. If I was there, I'd come help clear up, stay, burn incense and get some food into you.
love XO

[Kelsie]

Oh Nina, this is so so so awful. I'm so sorry to read that this happened to you. Light and love to you now, and always.

[Bonnie]

Nina, I wrote earlier but I forgot to tell you that the photographs are just totally awesome.
The last one of the shattered door is actually so unbelievably beautiful. The colors are so lovely. It really tells the story doesn't it? Even in sad times if we look we can see beauty....well, sometimes!!

I just feel so awful for you having to do all of that all by yourself.
Sending mental warm hugs your way.

[Deb Coburn]

Nina, I know how angry and frustrated a violation like this makes you feel. No one deserves to come home to this mess, least of all you. Thank goodness, you are safe. Stay strong, friend.

[Karen Burns]

You are overwhelmed with comments from those who care. I can't even express my feeling of loss for you. We once came home to robbers -- as we entered the house, they were still there -- they ran to a bedroom and kicked out the window to escape. They had all of their "goods" stacked by the front door, but we interrupted them. Thank GOD you are safe in body, your mind will not feel safe again. Hugs to you.

['tine]

Sending thoughts of comfort and security to you. Karma will catch up to whomever did this.

[kristen robinson]

Nina this is so horrible I too am happy you are okay and not home when this occurred. May you find comfort and peace once again amongst your lovely home.

[Lisa Jurist]

what an intrusive violation.. my soul would be in a rage. i am so sorry. who are these people who think they have the right to intrude on others privacy and take what is not theirs...and leave behind the stink of their rancid presence.

[Laurel]

The next time someone asks me to help. I will think of you and say yes. Stand strong. Don't let this ugly soul paint your joyous life dark.

[jo]

Shame shame shame on that SOB who violated your sanctuary. I can't imagine how you feel; I don't know that feeling, but I do know that I feel awful for you and I pray that you find forgiveness and peace, and that the police find the terrible people who did this to you and give then "what for" as my mother used to say about bad guys like those.

[nelda ream]

I am so sorry, Nina. Wish I was there to help clean up.

[Laura Goff Parham]

I am very sorry about this. It is terrible.

Why will your glass not be replaced until next week? That is ridiculous! Federal building code requires door glass to be either tempered or safety laminate. Tempered glass has to be cut and then tempered which takes time. But safety laminate can be cut and installed with no delay. You ought to request a temporary piece of safety laminate or at minimum a piece of plywood be installed to close up the hole. If the first glass company cannot provide it, then call someone else.

Laura Goff Parham
State of the Art, Inc Stained Glass Studio
sotaglass.com

[Chris P]

So very sorry this happened to you. I experienced something similar-and I live alone as well. Anger is good-it can be positive energy. It helps you recover and become stronger. Take care.

[Anna R]

I feel awful and have no words that will change what has happened but please know that across the miles I send you loving thoughts. Take care.

[Nina]

Hi Nina,
Yesterday, I was in awe of your reaction to this horrible situation. Even though your glass doors had been smashed to pieces, you could still say: "how pretty, isn't it? the pattern brings to mind the fathomless wings of cicadas, like glass with leaded details throughout" Your poetic observations are astounding!
Today, I guess the real state, of the situation, has set in.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you and although it's easier said than done, please try not to bring too much anguish upon yourself.

Nina

[Kate]

Oh those beasts, thank god you werent there and no harm came to you.What a horrible feeling to have your world trepassed.

[Seth]

Nina, Dear Nina... what an experience to have to endure. I am so sorry that this has happened to you, that this happens at all. And as you said, losing a sense of security is far worse than losing a TV. My heart goes out to you and I hope in time you are able to sweep up the shattered glass, literally and figuratively as well!

[beccajo]

horrible! oh nina i'm so sorry this happened to you! your attitude and your words as always are so inspiring, i do not think i could be as philosophical if that had happened to me!!!

[alexandra castro ferreira]

i'm so sorry Nina just read about the robbery. it happened to me when i was living in paris in my small appartment. just arrived at 6am very tired from a long flight and the door was open.....i remembered to this day the fear i felt, the sense of being violated. i couldn't stop crying everything was upside down. i know what you've gone through. I let the windows open despite the cold outside, put tons of incens, washed everything and then litlle by little my house became my safe nest again. thinking of you best

[Sharon Johnson]

Nina,

This has happened to me so I have some idea of what you're going through--stay strong, the THINGS can be replaced. I like the idea of some sort of cleansing ceremony when all the chaos is swept away. Such beauty comes out of your home.

Sharon

[minnie]

this is a trying time, who would ever imagine to be blindsided with such a violation.....now when you have so much on your plate. i am amazed how in a few days you have let it go, and you are going on. you cannot let fear rule your life, as it will cripple you quickly....i do hope they took finger prints, because this person did not stop at your house. we are suffering a rash of robberies in our corner of town, and they caught the guy, a crack addict that sold goods to the the gang neighborhood for drugs, but this is l.a. who would imagine it in your tiny kingdom in the forest. hug hug hug xxoo minnie