life throws rocks

i'm going to keep this brief today; there's lots to do.  i've been in alabama since monday, packing and unpacking at both the new and the old houses where my parents lived, have lived.  it is a time of change, a great time of upheaval and renewal as well.  things change, as i've written of late; things don't stay the same.  you'll all have to excuse me if i write of my feelings, anytime that i do (which, don't you know, is every time i write); you'll have to pardon the flowing of thoughts that deal with change and age and loss and also, many times along the way, love and beauty and life and love again.  that's what i do.  that's how i live my days.  there is the good, there is the bad; i walk a tightrope of emotion stretched between the this and the that, i don't stand underneath on the ground and wish i had taken a risk, wish i had joined a circus so i would know of adventure.  life is a circus, at least mine is, and i'll be damned if i am going to write an insipid little blog, free for all of you to read, that speaks of nothing but surface and roses, of beatitudes and pleasantries.  on monday evening, after i'd driven six hours to get here, after working hard to wrap things up at home (i am self employed, remember this as well) so that i could be away for the week, i received a very unpleasant comment on my blog from a reader who'd not bothered to leave a pleasant one in the past.  i was stunned by what she had to say, out of the blue like that, and quickly deleted it, then went to bed. today, i think i'll share her words with you, so you can see what it's like to keep a public blog - a microcosmic "world" here, for all of you to see.  99% of the time i receive the loveliest, most encouraging and supportive letters; and then there are the one or two rocks that get hurled this way, out of malice and discontent:
 " i keep reading your blog akin to passing a car crash I can't help myself but to look and consider myself lucky I hope you have the chance at another Christmas spent with your old folks your prolific use of the word I in all your posts of life spells out your agenda to a tee not selfless but selfish no matter how you try to set it straight. why aren't you helping you're mom and dad with what may be harder for THEM than YOU oh spoilt one, seems like she may need you now? If not, then don't cry here on your blog when they're gone (i see it all now, lots of reflective heart rending loss?) Grow up little girl, this world is not all about you." 
she's right.  it isn't all about me.  what she doesn't know, what none of you could ever know, are the things between the lines, the emotions that criss cross between parents and children, between friends, between total strangers.  there is not a complete story written here, and for anyone to judge me for something not said, or even said, is unbelievable.  i've been trying to tell myself that the author of those words has her own set of problems, her own insecurities that she is hurling at me.  believe me, i've felt unkind things about all sorts of things in this life - people, events, inanimate objects - but i try to write only of my emotions here (that's what a blog is for, yes?) and not go on and on about the roots and branches of the things that bother me.
meanwhile, i'm off to work at my parents' new house today, i'm off to sit with daddy and unpack boxes while he sits and laments and laughs and sleeps, there in a chair in the middle of the kitchen, there in the car out in the drive. 
i'm trying to be the picture of cheerfulness in the midst of the moving storm, i'm trying to offer help to my mother who doesn't know how, in her confusion over this, to tell me precisely what to do.  she disappears for most of the day, off to get hair done, off to search for a list of numbers, while i pack dusty old wine glasses i've not seen for 32 years, while i sweep the dust from the corners of an empty room.  i've peeled photographs off of kitchen walls, i've made trips to the store to buy warm chicken and cheese sticks and wine, to get a flowering plant with some color to put there in their family room filled to the gill with brown boxes. i spotted the heart rock i gave her years ago, there on the table surface in the warm evening light of the new home.  this pleases me.   it is supposed to snow, at home.  i'm fighting the pining to get back home to the snow.  this is home.  there is home.  this, and there, and all points in between.  xo

ps.  to all who've written, here and privately - so many! - i thank you, thank you, thank you.....xx

Comments

[sheila]

i'm so glad that you wrote this. xxxxxoooo

[Sharon]

~screw her~
YOUR world is about YOU...
My world is about ME...
Hers about HER...
she's just got nothing better to do.Poor soul

[Tina in McLeansville]

your focus is clear. being pulled in ever-so-many different directions is part of a "normal" (i use the word loosely) life. i have not yet experienced what you are doing now, but i know it will be something in my future...perhaps not so distant as i'd like it to be. and i know it will be difficult. people will throw rocks at those that don't appear to be living the life as "they" would like to see or hear or choose. i daresay we...the 99% of us, have ducked more rocks than our fair share...even, at times, being hit in the most painful of places. then we get up, walk on, let the bruises heal. but we don't forget...we never forget. there is such sadness in the lives of those who feel they have the right to tell others how to live, how to feel, how to respond. they see the splinter in your finger, but not their own wooden leg. can one look in the mirror and find no fault or flaw in themselves? until that is addressed, no judgement in or of others is warranted. one should never say to another, words we don't heed in our own lives. "to thine own self be true"...true...your word. your life. your choices and feelings and thoughts...that you are generous enough to share. that you have every right to share. one who hasn't walked that mile in your shoes can't know. no one knows you like you know yourself. if we keep our hearts and minds open, we could learn a lot. walk on and be true. hugs...xx

[Julie Fredericksen]

Dear Nina,

You don't wish to write an insipid blog and that is good. Sometimes I think my blog is insipid because I so seldom share my innermost worries and concerns - what's really going on in my life. And when I do I feel naked and exposed. But you bare your emotions to be seen by all - a very brave undertaking. And that's what your readers want. That is precisely why you have a hundred readers and I have 10.

You are right to think that the woman who wrote those words is insecure. She lashed out at you because she can not, will not, lash out at herself. Don't give her a second thought. That's what "delete" is for on the computer. (Too bad we can't delete obnoxious people so easily in real life.}

Why would you not write about "I"? "I" is important - nay, essential. We don't come to your blog to read about anyone else. Keep on keeping on, Nina.

[Joei Rhode Island]

I wish you the strength and grace to take what you are given....even when it's hard to take. Wish I could be there to be invisible help but know I send my positive thoughts to you.

[Karen]

Sending you love and strength from my heart and home dear friend. Your "life is a circus" comment made me laugh - you know it did!

[Adrienne]

Well, she told on herself, she's the dumb ass who keeps coming back to read. 'scuse my french. some people just suck.

[l vaughn]

Please do listen only to the 99% of your readers who enjoy you and your sharing.
I suspect that this one reader may well have been speaking from their own sad experience when they spoke with bitterness and regret.
Reading a well written blog is akin to peeking inside a personal diary. Thoughts, dreams and wishes exposed, and unedited, for all to see, and therefore vulnerable. When hearing another's thoughts, there is no judgement or 'should I' invited.
You may rest assured that this one unkind thought expressed is but a tiny drop in a sea of good wishes and thoughts.

[beth]

I had rocks thrown at me once, too, on my blog...and it hurt. it hurt more than I imagined it could have.

and I wrote about it...and "he/she" wrote back, swimming in the joy of my frustration...

we open ourselves up everyday to the possibility of this happening when we post about our lives and we get angry when it happens and then we move on, after we remember all the amazing people out there loving us...

funny how one hurt, can erase thousands of good isn't it ?

want to borrow my boxing gloves ?

[Susan Sawatzky]

Remember how easy it is for some to write nastiness when they would never say the same thing to your face. The remove from people enabled by the internet, is one of the downfalls of this medium,
write there is a giggle or a titter which cannot be transmitted in writing....lol doesn't work all the time.

[carol]

i'm with sharon. screw her. if she doesn't like the "car crash"...don't look. no one is forcing her to read your blog.
i'm glad she's so very perfect, but i'd much rather share with someone who is honest. and dares to let us see her "real" life. warts and all.

[Michelle Shopped]

i believe this is the second tween stage of our lives -- betwixt and between, both here and there, neither here nor there, and everywhere -- and, rocks can leave messy holes -- that need to be patched with beauty and care -- it's so easy to forget that we do not see things as they are but rather as we are...and your feelings resonate deeply with me...

p.s. i feel the same way about snow and mountains -- loving the kindred spirit...

[Renate]

So, she keeps coming back to read about your life - I guess she doesn't have a life of her own. It is so easy to pass judgement on something - it is far harder to try and understand. But that is no excuse for being so rude. If she doesn't like what she finds here, why doesn't she just stay away. She won't be missed. Remain true to yourself, Nina. xo

[kim]

rock on hard sister, rock on....
its your party and you can do what you want to!.....F*&! the haters!!!!

[Julie Whitmore]

You have the most wonderful readers. well, except one. In most intensely lived lives, there is at least a bump in the road every day, and a fender bender at regular intervals.
Livings the thing; judging is not.
thinking of you and sending strength and love
xx

[Linda Warlyn]

Please let me add yet another "Screw Her" to the 2 already left. Honestly, what rubbish. When I think of you and what you went thru last year, the one word that always shines thru is "triumphant". You are my hero, sweet nina. Love to you and Mr Walter Trouble. xox

[Angela Marie]

((((Nina))))

Your blog is one of my favorites and I look forward to your posts...

[Bonnie]

Here we go again, someone throwing rocks at our Nina. Stop it I say!! She has her hands full right now, can't you see that?????

Isn't it funny tho that they show up here daily?

Dear one, he/she really has a problem and it isn't you, they just happened to take it out on you.

We all live with regrets....and that individual must be 'filled to the brim' with regrets.

Again I say, "STOP IT!"

[Erin Prais-Hintz]

It is one thing to think it and another thing altogether to say that. It is such a personal fishbowl we put ourselves into when we write like this, and we all have a choice about whether we stay or go, follow or not. If that is what someone thought, then they should have slunk away and not unleashed such ugliness. Such bitter ugliness.
I would say HUSH.
Hush your soul and soothe your mind.
And hush to them that don't get it, don't want to...let them move on.
Enjoy the day!
Erin

[sue]

Can I join the 'Screw her' club?!

Nina, you are so brave sharing your sometimes very personal thoughts on your amazing blog. I know I would not have the courage to do it. You are a true inspiration to hundreds of people all over the world. Please try not to dwell on the pathetic ramblings of one sad woman. Why on earth does she keep returning to your blog if she doesn't like it? That's just plain weird!

You rock dear lady! Hit the 'Delete' key and don't look back.
xo

[Norma Lewis]

Oh dear Nina. If the reader who left the nasty comment doesn't like your blog why does she keep coming back? She needs to get a life and move on. I love reading your blog and the fact that you have let the readers see your ups and down! Blog on lovely Nina.

[carole]

~~~~i'll be damned if i am going to write an insipid little blog, free for all of you to read, that speaks of nothing but surface and roses, of beatitudes and pleasantries~~~~

Nor should you I dare say. Life isn't all roses and beauty. It's pain, heartbreak, upset, all thrown in the mix.

I've never gotten the impression that you don't understand how hard this is for your parents. How could anyone not? And anyone who has read your blog should be able to see that.

I was upset enough over leaving a house (and later learning my father had sold that house) after spending only three years of my life there. Those were important years for me, a major part of my life, and perhaps the happiest of my childhood (even in the midst of a tragedy). I can't begin to translate those feelings to a place I had lived my entire childhood.

The bottom line is that this is your blog, it's about your life and those around you, your feelings related to those things. It's not about those of us who read it, though your words may touch us from time to time.

Public or not, if we can't share of ourselves, relate to each other, even if only by way of a format such as this, what's the point?

[Andrew Thornton]

Girl, as far as I'm concerned, when I make the decision to visit your blog (in this case daily) I expect to see one thing: YOUR world.

So if the repugnant cow doesn't want to see YOUR world, then she shouldn't stop on by. All blogs are selfish, but in the very best way. It's a slice of life – your life. It's an introspection. That's what they're designed to do. To share and communicate in a way exclusive to an individual entity. Even the most sterile and business-like blogs speak volumes about the entity that creates them.

Perk up, Chica! That malicious person doesn't know their butt from a hole in the ground. Sorry to be crude, but I just HATE people who piss on other people with vile and hurtful words.

You'll get through all this and I know you'll do it your way. And I'll keep coming back to see just how you did it. If this person keeps bothering you, next time post the email address. I'm sure she'll get an earful!!!!

[Deborah Rogers]

Add me to the "screw her" club...thank you for the real truth, Nina.

[donna c]

Nina, I love reading your blog. And I love it so much because you are so brave to describe your feelings, even if they aren't always all rosey and happy. I am so tired of looking at all the well pampered soccer mom "artist" blogs where they all have such wonderful lives and isn't everything just so perfect. Some of us self employed gals don't drive Range Rovers or have a sugar daddy, we have to earn it on our own, do eldercare, do it all, do too much. You have real feelings and are a real artist. All of us out here in blog land love you so much for sharing so much. Scr*w the people that don't get it.

[heidi]

dear sweet nina,
I hope you didn't feel the need to defend yourself to that bitter reader, or anyone else for that matter.

I sort of wish you had not glorified your words by posting them.

And yet, I love that you are receiving words of support to heal you from their harsh untruth.

peace,
heidi

[Denise S]

A small narrow-minded person,she has to be.

I am ahead of you in these life changes you are going through right now.Lost first Mom and then Dad only 8 months apart.

You speak to us of the beautiful home they are selling and leaving. I grew up in a 2 bedroom 1 bath home. I also was so sad when they sold this house and moved in town. I had even told them if they decided to sell the old home I might want to buy it. When the time came it was over with before we even knew about the sell of it.

In this rambling post I am only trying to say I do understand some of what you are having to deal with. At the time I had 4 kids to tend to and lived 1000 miles away so it was over before word even got here to me.

Hang in there girl you come from strong stuff and you will come out on the other side of all this.

[Lorri]

"Blog (short for "Weblog") is an interactive, personalized Web journal for posting your views, art, rants, raves, reviews, pictures, music-anything that you want to share with the teaming masses (or a private group)."

Blogs are a bit narcissistic, that's what they are and have to be because they are about the person who writes them. So if someone feels a blogsite is being overly too much then they can go away and not read, their choice. IMO.

xxox

[Sally Hackney]

Nina, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this...THIS IS YOUR BLOG AND YOUR THOUGHTS!!Everything in life is not rosy or craftily exciting. I probably have twice as many mundane, repetitive, boring and sad days as interesting ones. Honestly, if I ever felt the need to write something like that bad comment, I hope I can step back and examine myself better. Thank God for the "delete" button. We have so much snow ans cold here in central Illinois...maybe that's why I'm ranting now. No, teehee, I'm just like like that. Big smile to you. Sally

[Corrine]

Losing your childhood home is a big personal loss, it is where you first formed the who of who you are. I remember when my parent's sold my childhood home, they were ready to go
to move on to their new life, so too probably with your parent's, too much work, they want
an easier life. But that doesn't mean they won't have memories and losses, just as you do too.

Anyone who has the audacity to be critical of those feelings has problems indeed.

We all have the gamut of emotion, but if we
spew the negative around, we get the negative
back. Keep reaching for the light as you always do.

xo

[Barbara]

Your blog is one of the handful I visit religiously, because it is honest. Honest. Life is quite a stew, sometimes, and it warms my heart to see someone dealing with all of it and bringing Beauty to life in the process. Here's a quote from Jimmy Buffett's (born in Mobile) "Tales from Margaritaville" that always keeps me focused when the @##$$%^ hits the fan. From the story "Are You Ready for Freddie?":

Lesson Six: If you decide to run with the ball, just count on fumbling and getting the shit knocked out of you a lot, but never forget how much fun it is just to be able to run with the ball.

(Lesson Two applies as well, but I'll let you decide if you want to read it ;-0)

Love ya!

[Gillian]

Nina I don't comment here regularly, but I do read your every post and think of you often. The fact is your open-ness speaks to me. Your beautiful words stay in my thoughts and your wonderful images are a delight to see. For whatever reason I just can't be 'open' on my own blog - the odd wee part of me creeps in and sometimes I delete, sometimes I leave the words and even the most cryptic thought can leave me feeling so exposed. It is strange when in my 'real' life I am incredibly open and without a doubt wear my heart on my sleeve. For some reason the internet and the permanent nature of a blog just puts up a wall for me.

I truly wish I had even an ounce of your gift of sharing 'your' truth, your heart and soul and your honesty. But we are all different and I shall continue to read and enjoy your open-ness and feel inspired by your words and your thoughts. There are so many things that you say that I can empathise with and feel a connection with and that is why I visit here whenever your write something new. I am not sure why I am waffling on here but I guess I just wanted to add to and agree with the many other readers who have gained so much from visiting with you. I am so glad that you continue despite the odd wee mouldy comment in the basket of comments from those who understand.

I do hope you begin to feel peace with your parents move. I cannot begin to imagine how heart wrenching it must be but I do wish you and your family well.

[Lisa]

I sit her and shake my head...why are people so mean? It was the same feeling I had this morning when listening to the news...people shooting/killing people because they are mad or jealous. I do not know what causes people to do these things. But we must carry on...

I find it interesting how she is confused when you use the word I in your blog....it is your blog about you...your life...your feelings and I love the honesty you put in your words.

I am a lucky blog reader...as I have met you and know you are not self centered/selfish. I can hear your gentle southern accent when I read these posts. I think people sometimes lose the nature of what we write in email/blogs when they are just reading and not really listening.

I love your blog doll!

[peggy mcdevitt]

wow, Nina I need a hug after reading this and I know you do - a big hug and a big drink. Wish I could help with a hug and moving, I have been where you are and you express it so well and your emotions are where they should be (all over the place). Your not selfish, it isn't about you and we your friends all know that so rocks to that writer of that email. My dear, you have been left with a huge task and your doing the best you can and we who are your friends want to listen to you so keep on blogging. Love ya Peggy

[Colette]

What rock has this person crawled out of? Such unmitigated nastiness. You know, that comment smacks of bitterness and jealousy. I'm glad you aired it.

Love, c.

[Angie B]

Nina - NEVER APOLOGIZE for YOUR feelings. NEVER. They are yours and yours alone.

The WITCH (with a capital B)has some nerve.
Ignore her for she is ignorant. There are always people who can't accept us for who we are and that we say and do things our way.

BE the Nina we know and love. Speak your truth, live your life, be who you are and know that many of us are delighted to be able to "know" you on such a personal level.

You show us as fellow bloggers that we can speak the truth and we do not have to sugar coat our anger or fears.

[sara]

Add my voice to the "screw her" brigade!!

A couple of points.
1. A blog is a public place to write - if we wish - private thoughts like a journal. The word "I" always comes up in journals and diaries so this woman (I assume its a woman) needs to understand what personal/memoire/blog writing is all about.

2. If she doesn;t like this blog...why does she come here? That seems perverse, and so does writing such a rude comment. I hate rude people.

3. You know already that the loss of the house is the beginning of the end of your life with your parents, and you fled that prospective loss when you fled at Xmas. I understand that totally. You are an artist - a being with all the vulnerability that that word brings with it. Someone told me it meant being born with one less layer of skin. I think thats how it is.

Please go on writing for those of us who wish we could emulate your searing honesty, your love of beauty and family, and your outstanding artistry.

Much love from the frozen UK
Sara xx

[Mary]

Wait - what? She doesn't like your blog but comes back to read it and leave snarky comments? A revolutionary new form of social networking - social bitchworking perhaps.

Your blog is like dessert and it's fat-free.
I also enjoy reading everyone else's comments. I think many of us might be kindred spirits.

[Toni Brown]

wow, she really does resemble her remarks ...

I'll be the Screw Her Minute Keeper ...

I love you.

[Sue Heins]

In school we were discouraged from commenting unless we understood the material we were discussing. Seems the critic read one or two posts and felt worthy of judging you after that. I think most of us get you and see a much different person than she does. Besides, if I were not interested in what Nina is feeling and thinking I would not read your blog.

[Sharon]

When I read this person's comment to you, dear Nina, I thought she must be terribly frustrated. I say "she" because it sounds like a woman's voice to me and is exactly like the thing some of the petty women I've known in the past would do. I'm just guessing of course, but I bet she is going through something similar to you and doesn't want to do it at all. Doesn't have your courage to leave when she needs to and decided to spew her rage on you to make herself feel better. What a sad, petty, little person.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You're going through enough without this crap. Because I know that even though you deleted it and then talked to us about it, it's still probably chewing at you a bit. It would be chewing on me. That's just the way I am.

So, this is my wish for you Nina. I wish you the ability to forget about her nasty comment. To go on and do what you must do for yourself and to please continue to share with us as you have been. You are in my thoughts and in the thoughts of many. You are cared for and loved by many readers. We admire your honesty, strength and courage. Thank you for being here for us and with us.

Now, I just wish I could give you a big hug.

[Julie Q]

I love to hear about your life in the hills, with your jewels and your boys. Watching the seasons change thought your gorgeous pictures is a highlight of my day, especailly when my life is often unchanging and the view stays the same.

I hope that this new visitor disapears, and takes her unhappiness with her, and leaves you alone. We love you as you are.

[Laura Kaufmann]

I feel sorry for her and her all consuming bitterness. I visit your blog because of your authenticity and your artistic soul. You can only be true to yourself ... and you are.
Thank you for that!
Laura

[Deborah VanDetta]

Lots of people in the world need to go back to kindergarten...

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I think it takes a lot of strength to be so brutally honest with your readers (and yourself). Life is not all roses and candlelight; the blood and dirt and smoke are all part of the duality and the cycle.

I love Sara's comment about artists born with one less layer of skin, so true.

[missy in houston]

Nina,
it seems your army is assembled and at the ready! don't you love it!
close your eyes and visualize 100's of women encircling you and lighting candles and singing you to peace.
missy
p.s. sorry..... and a few guys.

[Jamie V]

Oh, Nina! Good gravy... no one forces us to read your blog. It's funny how 99% of us identify with you and are inspired by you! None of us is perfect. You are just brave enough to throw it out there, unlike me and many others. You express everything so well, you say the things outloud that many of us feel but can't write! Of course, you have a life between your words. How could you not? Few of us could be presumptuous enough (which this person apparently is)to understand how much goes on in your life between your words...but as 99% of us KNOW - you are not sitting back - a 'spoilt one' - being selfish... not the Nina I know... You are a gift I treasure, dear Nina.
Jamie V in MT

[Martine]

I'm so sorry for this person who only writes too trow dirt. Must be a very dirty person.
XXXm

[Loretta]

Having done just this, I know that as a child there was nothing harder than moving my mother out of the home we had for 33 years, the home that housed all 7 of us. In truth, the pain was eased a little by my Dad's passing and his absence a huge hole in the fabric of the home. But I was not alone when I did it and had 3 of my sisters there to spell each other.

You know, I had someone post on my blog the following, "My, you whine". And that was it. I could say that I just deleted it and never thought of it again. But obviously since I remember it 5 years later, it really stung. Make sure you block that fool so she can't cone by again.

[Christie]

Thank you for sharing your feelings, you express in such beautiful language exactly what I would want to tell the world, if I were brave enough. I have laughed and cried with you, please don't let the unkindness of others change you in any way. (Oh, my gosh, I have used the pronoun I five times in this short paragraph!

[wendy NZ]

People who write hurtful things are ugly!!!!

Ugliness by Ruth Gendler
Ugliness is a thief screaming "i have been denied. I have been denied, I have been denied" she is trying to steal back the sense of belonging which was stolen from her when she was younger. If you fear that she wants to take your beauty, you are right. She does, if you try to stop her she will find another way to get you. It is a vicious cycle. If you offer her the bracelet she was eyeing she will smash it out of shape. She believes anything that comes to her easily must be worthless. Ugliness has excellent eyes but dull vision. She believes that she has unhealthy hair and bad skin and a weird body. However she has no idea what she really looks like. She spits at mirrors, she insists that if you are attractive, people will notice and then they will try to possess you. They will break you apart, consume you and throw you away. Ugliness spends more time than she'd admit making sure that she doesn't look good. She is so busy not pleasing anyone else that she is never free to be herself. Hurt, Ugliness has decided it is better to steal rather than risk being ripped off again.
........................

[Cheryl K. Bennett]

Nina, Just yesterday, I sent the link to your blog to a friend. I told her what a beautiful person you are, how we have shared via email and how you and I have so many things in common.
I admire you for putting it out there. I joke, but it is 99% true...that my blog is the life I wish I lived. Mostly pretty. When in real life, it isn't mostly pretty. When times are tough, I write to my readers in my head. I need to be braver, like you and tell it like it is.
I LOVE your photos. I think you look like your Daddy. Love the photo of him asleep. Love the empty chair.
Hang in there. That is all any of us can do. ::HUGS::
Cheryl in IN
WHOSYERGURL

[mary jane dodd]

maya angelou said, 'i long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever i find myself.' but how wonderful it is to be in an environment where one feels settled... the negative comment came from one who judges, who lacks openness... who misses the point that we vacillate through feelings while sorting them out...

[Laura]

some people would pick up those rocks and build a wall to hide behind, hoping no more rocks would be thrown

you, dearest Nina, pick up those rocks and turn them into stepping stones to help you on your journey

i think you are an amazing soul and i feel just a tiny bit sorry for the person who send you that nasty-gram, it is really a shame that they can't see the light that you are.

love and blessings
~*~

[Peggy]

Dear Nina,
I've been wanting to write to you for awhile now to tell you how much your blog means to me. I'm glad that I waited until now when you could really use some cheering up. And it it good to see that you are getting plenty.

Over the last year I have been dealing with a terrible depression because of frequent migraine headaches that I have been unable to resolve. I spend a lot of time at home and blogs such as yours have been my connection with the outside world. Your words have helped me more than you will ever know.

Peace,
Peggy Dlugos

[connie carpenter macko]

I've been reading here long enough to know that you share as much of your self as is possible - all sides. Anyone though, who doesn't get that there are "things between the lines" that we can never see is missing so much of the point. Which is as I see it to show others they are not alone in their joys and strugles and to share the simple beauty of YOUR world even when it is painful. We can never see inside of someone else, only enough to know we are in this together. Blessed be.

[LeAnn]

Nina, I regularly read your blog and deeply appreciate your honesty in sharing your feelings. None of us are happy all of the time and life throws us many challanges that need expression. I am always touched that you have the bravery and strength of self to share even the things that are not bright and bubbly. Personally, I gain much from hearing about your range of feeling. To me, it makes you whole, complete, real.

[Karen Burns]

OH, those words of another sent to you sicken me. What an unhappy person she must be to strike out unprovoked. A big hug to you....

[Nilene]

I've SO enjoyed how our little community has rushed to your defense! We visit your blog because you DO share the good and the bad...you go to levels and depths that scare many of us. No one can experience the highs, if they can't deal with the lows! Your life's journey that you expose and share with us is a tale of courage and an inspiration to us all. Never let the errant rock thrown your way sink you. Let it skip across the surface and watch it merrily sink itself!!!

xoxo dear one,

ni

[herhimnbryn]

Dear One,
XO x 1000

[Linda Byrd]

Nina, your blog is always the first one I read. Blogs are such personal expressions, and my blog is probably insipid. That's because sometimes my life is not as happy as I'd like, but in my blog I can make it so and then, by some mysterious alchemy, my reality becomes better. Your blog is so honest and true, and many times it's cathartic for me to read your sincerity. Try to ignore the detractors -- and hit the delete key a little faster next time!

[Linda Fazzary]

After all - it is YOUR blog.
I'm taking your advice to write what ever I want to on my blog. Thanks...

[Mary K]

Who needs such negativity in ones life. You did right to delete her bitter words. Those are the kind of people to avoid. I sure do in my life. She must be a very unhappy soul.
MK

[Christine]

another 'screw her!' voice here. Well it is YOUR blog, you can talk about whatever you damn well please--you can talk about harming bunnies if you want, and it's not my business to ask, 'why arent you talking about something else? something more pleasant and altruistic so I can admire you better'. WTF??
ok, I can be pretty mouthy sometimes, I'll admit, but I really can't fathom visiting someone's blog and then criticize the blogger for not doing it different. How dare she!
I do appreciate you sharing about it here, Nina. (which certainly takes some intestinal fortitude, if you ask me) It's all part of the journey. Something about it reminded me of your return home from teaching (was it Squam?) to find the damage and invasion.

[Susan]

I look forward to reading every blog post you write. Hang in there dear Nina. I actually feel sorry for her; she must be a very bitter and sad creature to have written such hurtful words.

[Ann]

WHY do we humans feel such a need to judge and compare? Ourselves and others? Life/humans are so much richer and complex than neat, judgemental categories. The stuff with elderly parents can fill one with immense irritation and despair, and simultaneously with gratitude and love. In my experience, at least. It's called paradox.

[Carol]

You know the truth, your true friends know the truth. Who else matters?
Sending you snowy hugs from NH.
Carol

[Colette]

When we speak our REAL TRUTH the whole world is blessed. I love hearing yours.

[Liza]

This person is missing the big picture. Love of Nature, parents, friends, home, great food, dogs, change of seasons etc etc etc.
But you are a real person. Sometimes everything isnt so wonderful. If there is someone out there that doesnt "get it" , then they need not torture themselves with things they dont understand. And you need not worry about them.

[Kim]

(((Nina))) No one knows everything about a person just by reading her blog. So many things go unmentioned. How can anyone make such severe judgments about someone they barely know?

Your love for your parents is so easy to see by those who truly look. You obviously treasure them. How can anyone say otherwise unless they really don't read here like they claim to?

Keep being your beautiful, complex self. Your heart is so beautiful, Nina. Thank you for sharing it. You didn't deserve those unkind words. Not one bit.

[Graciel @ Evenstar Art]

I just want to tell you, in amongst all your heartfelt words, I see your soul.

It is utterly beautiful.

[maureen craver]

You are brave to share what you share with us. Keep your heart open. Don't let anyone take that from you.

[Tammy]

I have not been here much lately,I just peeked in to see how everything is going,shame on that person for writing that.
I come back to your blog because you don't hide the pain,you say it like it is.That's called courage.I commend you for that.I don't have it.I had to move my mom out of her house a few years ago,I grew up in that house.It was really hard.You keep trudging on,you are doing the right things.

[gina armfield]

I am sorry but I just had to laugh - not at you but her - gimma a break - seriously - PA - THET - IC - last time I checked blogs weren't a call for advise. I guess her momma never taught her the golden rule ;0 - p.s. block her

[Jenny Walker]

I attended a workshop where I learned that it take realizing (hearing) 10 positives to undo the damage done by just one negative....Isn't it funny how we cling to the bad when there is so much good...love your words and your generosity in sharing x 10.....

[heartartz]

Add me to the "S H" brigade!!!
Frustrated sad people say sad frustrated things...it makes them feel more important.

When my dad got Alzheimers and wanted to move across states to live with me and my family.... A cousin said we should move to his house.
I guess her rational was it was easier to move a business, 2 jobs, our household and 2 school age children thousands of miles than it was to move a confused man (with 2 suitcases and a trunk of books, he could no longer read) to be with the only ones he loved and wanted to be near.
My dad moved here and died...loved and happy... surrounded by family a few months later.
Only you know your turmoil right now .. we can only guess and still..love you.
Bless you.

[Mary]

May I also join the "Screw Her" club? There is always, ALWAYS more to a story than what one sees or hears. People really should remember that.

I love, love, love your blog. Life, your life. Dented, but still whole, heart on your sleeve. Keep on rowing...

[Judi]

Uhhhh....hmmm...blogs, by definition, are all about the writer's feelings and activities and adventures. Who else are you going to write about for Pete's sake? Unless it's Pete, of course. LOL

[Janet McDonald]

I felt sad as soon as I saw what you were writing about. Like the other kindreds here how can anyone really pass any judgement as they have never walked in your shoes. Were in this life to lift each other up! To write hurtful words that they know would indeed hurt you well isnt that selfish too? How about she saying a prayer for you? Sending you some love? Sending a bouquet of flowers? Sending friendship and encouragement?! She just dosent know anything. Like the Great Wizard of Oz said..."Pay No attention to that person behind the curtain...." lol.

[Janet McDonald]

PS. heres some hugs. huggs huggs huggs and some Snowflakes ***** Lotsa love...Janet xx

[Lennie]

My beloved grandmother said many things, taught me many truths. One thing she repeatedly told me, particularly when I nursed a classroom hurt -- I was then, and remain, sensitive with feelings that are easily hurt, although I don't think many who know me really believe that (but it is oh so true) -- was that "it takes all kinds to make a world".

Nina, those who feel the need to spew hurtful words are only hiding their own insecurities...putting up a mean front so they can keep people away. It takes THOSE kinds, as my wise grandmother knew, to make us appreciate the kinds of people in the world like YOU.

[sandra]

i hear a elderly person who is "lonely", hurt, judgemental and lacking an understanding of the purpose of blogs. i think they may have their own issues with loss and abandonment and i hope they find a more appropriate avenue to obtain help other than a blog.
nina, you know what to do and know the vast majority supports you...may you find a way to cope with these responses so it doesn't stifle your voice.

[Deborah Guthrie]

I'm up late. Can't sleep and so I drop on by to see what's up. Good grief. I love your blog. I've said it before. I love the visit and I take you as you are that day. Somedays you are exactly what I need, what I'm facing, what I need to think about concerning others, whatever. I take it and let it make me smile. maybe it irks me because of what I have going. Whatever, whatever, all good. That you share yourself and let me become more me by this sharing is wonderful. May you never change except to get more Nina like.
Deborah

[Elizabeth Parsons]

close your eyes...little Nina walks up to her and kicks her in the shins and then pats her hands clean, turn around and walks away....smiling...

to hell with her...it's your blog...

[dee chapman]

Dear Nina, You know I don't comment often but I do have to jump on the band wagon here. If your blog was filled with surface tickle my ears kind of bull I wouldn't be coming here as I have for several years now.I have easily book marked a hundred or more blogs over the years and truly yours is the only one that draws me back. But someone already said it how one bad thing can set us on end even when there is so much good.Weird how that is and yet to be expected when we expose ourselves as you so beautifuly do. Your one of the real ones Nina and I love that about you. So keep it real girl and keep on keeping on.

[Nicki]

Nina,

ignore her.
Pity her.

Those feelings are her problem, not yours.

And don't get me started on packing and moving....arrrrgh!
Be careful in the snow.

Nicki x

[Frankie Kins]

People can be so cruel. Please, Nina, what-ever you do, don't stop this writing of yours. It is a soothing balm to souls that read it, especially mine.

**a big warm virtual blanket for you**

[Laurel]

I am sorry that this person felt the need to vent her pain, anger, bitterness on you. You public words make it easier for her to throw a rock at you then to put in the difficult, emotional task of working through her own issues. Please know that you words give me light and the moment to reflect on my own life. You are a wonderful daughter and mother who continues to give yourself to your family. It is not easy, there is no rule book be all do the best that we can. One foot ahead of the other.

[Ann]

You know, it's interesting that there are so many ideas about what a blog or Facebook, etc., for that matter, is FOR. I came fairly late to both and know (pretty much) what I'm looking for, but I sense that my reasons are not the only reasons. Another example of how our increasing access to each other brings a lot of both positive and negative possibilities, and demands more mindfulness and higher consciousness on everyone's part? Or maybe I'm just digging too deep here.....

[Angela]

Dear Nina
My blog is all about me and my art. That's what I expect from your blog too. As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend much of my life is filled with numerous responsibilities to others just as your life is. I believe we need a place that is just for ourselves. It most certainly is not selfish!
hugs
Angela

[delila]

my heart aches that someone wants to hurt you deliberately Nina!!

This weekend i will make some air dry clay acorns and such, and will create that wee bird for you.

I wish you have lovely time with you parents, hopefully the new home will bring many many joyful and beloved moments.

Sending lots of love,
Delila

[Lynn Davis]

When I started my blog a while back I avoided the use of "I" at first, and it felt so stupid and artificial that I gave that up.

The only thing I can say is that I'm happy you found the DELETE - REMOVE FOREVER button to take away the comment, and I hope you find the same button in your spirit and push it HARD!
Hugs

[Deb Wire]

My heart goes out to you. In so many ways I feel your pain. My parents were not the lovely people yours are, but they are all I have. My daddy is dying and my mother has alzheimers. I do my very best for them, but I too feel wrapped up in some of the same all consuming feelings that you are having. It is perfectly normal to feel everything that you feel and it is through your friends (us) that you should be able to wear your heart on your sleeve and feel total support. If you are a train wreck, then so am I. Deb

[Lori B]

Dearest Nina,
I see you have many comments and mine will just be one more -- I hope it can give you encouragement though. I have been dealing with my mom - I moved her out of a house of 40+ years, there were many mixed emotions as I am sure you are going through in some way or another. I got my mom to move from MI to Chapel Hill where I live only to find out a few month later of some health problems which has changed both of our lives. My mom has dementia and I have been taking care of her since she has gotten here.Anyway life is up and down and it hard to keep going at times. It is for me. We need to tell others. Wish I could know just the right words to say to take away the sting - I don't. I have felt the sting of other peoples words, unknowingly the ugly words come out of their mouths. Most have no knowledge of the situation or of what they say. Draw a picture of this "sting" and throw it in the fire. Your soul is so much better...Lori

[Susan at Dragonmoon]

It is always so easy to judge another without thought for what might be between the lines. But if that reader couldn't feel your pain between the lines, then she is the one to be pitied. Yours is the only blog that I look for to read every day and it has helped me find the strength to live my life more honestly. To do that is a far more difficult thing to do then to "swallow" our emotions which eventually will erupt like Mt. Vesuvious and take several casualties with it. It is unfortunate that we can't expect every reader of blogs to live their lives with grace and compassion and to have the sensitivity to discern what isn't there in the words as well as what is.
I thank you for allowing us to follow you along on your journey and sharing with us so honestly, even when the wounds are fresh and raw.

[sandra]

isn't this type of reaction, what happens so many times in life?
people are judged because of our own limited knowledge of their life condition.
words are powerful as weapons and it pays to take time and use them effectively. the lack of real communication is destroying the world...sometimes we throw stones instead of asking the right questions.

[Shirley]

Dearest Nina~
1)
To write a blog is a personal act. When writing of personal things, unless there is a mental aberration, one uses the "I" to speak of oneself. It is not customary , in English, to use the second or third voice to express personal views. Only "I" will truly express YOUR personal point of view.

2) If it pains her so much to read your blog why does she come?
Why does she read? Why leave a comment? It seems it would be much easier to never darken your doorstep again than to be so 'soiled' by your point of view. I say to that person: SHAME ON YOU!!! GET A LIFE!! GET SOME LOVE. BE AT PEACE. And to you, Nina:
Block her so she can't come at you again!!
3)
Anyone who has lost their childhood home and is care taking for elder parents has walked somewhat in your shoes. There is so much that you are feeling that you probably , with all your vivid use of words, do not even have words for at this time. Yet, they are yours, and the ache that holds them together can only be untangled at some distant time. 'Til then, fill that box, sweep that floor, dust the sill and do what needs doing. One step at a time and one day, this chore will be behind you.
4)
Nina~ I come here very often to see & share a part of your life via
your blog. If I lived down the street, I'd find a way to stop by for a spot of tea and to view your perfect mountains.
For now, I send you love, peace and many hugs((((Nina)))).
~Sassi

[sandra]

isn't this the cause of many problems in the world? words taken out of context, not asking questions, but making judgemental statements...sometimes all it takes is patience, a genuine love and concern to ask open ended questions and a committment to learning all that you can about another...listening is the hardest thing...thank you nina, this post gave me pause to reflect on many things...to thine self be true...

[Karen]

Oh, my dear Nina, how awful to have had those unkind words thrown at you like that, especially right before embarking on such a difficult, challenging journey as moving your parents into their new home. Thinking of you, my dear friend, and sending lots of hugs your way.
-Karen xo

[Lee]

For starters, I never understand the need to leave a negative comment- why not just skip it? I think the things you write about are universal struggles we all have, that's why soe many people relate. They may not WRITE it, but they GET it. And, as you've said, there are the dozens of details that no one knows about (noe needs to) that color your relationships with your parents, the world. etc. We ALL have them. Some of us don't admit it, though. I truly believe that if we deny the "I", if we deny the way something makes us feel, it is just suppressed. It comes BACK- and bites us you-know-where. In a way, you are lucky to be able to put a voice to your inner workings, so many people can't. Voicing feelings lets them out, lets them go, deals with them. Anyone (including myself) who has done any kind of therapy knows that. Silly reader. Wonderful you. BIG KISS.

[Warrior friend Pati]

It seems we can not make it though our lives without being wounded. Raise your shield "Warrior" and make sure the cuts heal quick and hard and do not fester. Battle scars only make us tougher! I've found that thanking someone(hateful)for their thoughts and telling them I will consider what they've said really embarrasses and confounds them (especially if you can do it in person). Not the reaction they hoped for and it makes them look inward at their motives. Of course I'm really thanking them for reminding me to raise my shield when they approach and when considering their hateful words (of advice?) I am thinking "what a sad thoughtless person you are". Takes the sting out of their comment and lets me take a glancing blow instead of a piercing cut.

I love your blog just the way it is and I love the comments of many of your readers as well. When we are supporting you and lending advice we are also helping ourselves as well as others that gather here. Sometimes we figure something out in our own lives while pondering another person's plight.
I love your posts about your beautiful surroundings, your insights, photos, Walter, your family, and your art but what kind of friend/followers would we be if we were only there for the good times? It must be exhausting reading all these comments but hopefully there is some good medicine in doing so. 99% Good is an awesome number.
Blessings.