...the catching up truly begins. i've been on the road so long, and scrambling so feverishly to prepare for teaching/vending trips, that i can't recall the last time i had any stretches of time to simply settle in, to breathe, to be. i know i've either hurt or angered one or two friends out there with my lack of correspondence, with my seeming apathy or inability to properly stay in frequent touch. i can't help that, in the end; when one is self employed, working hard to stay afloat, to keep things moving smoothly ahead completely and utterly by one's self, there are times when letter writing, package sending, gift giving, even repair work (the worst of all, i'm awful with that) all get shoved to unfortunate back burners, while the necessary business of business sadly takes precedence. picture lewis carroll's red queen, and you have a fairly accurate vision of me, this past winter and earliest spring ("Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place", says she). thinking about this is the sort of
thing that keeps me tossing and turning in the middle of the night; where is the balance? where, then, is the peace? now - finally! - i've found my comfort, right here on firefly road, where i hope i can stay put for a while without having to run myself ragged, without having to try to explain myself or the work that i earnestly do, which by all means includes taking the time to keep up this blog (and picture me now as an aging dark haired alice, surrounded by wonder and magic and beauty at every twist and turn).
what is a blog, anyway? i come here to honestly and openly air my thoughts and emotions, my reflections on the wonderful world of nature that surrounds me in the middle of nowhere/everywhere. i come to vent, to pontificate, to question, to lament. i've celebrated in this place the losses of loved ones, the joys of big steps, the monumental stepping stones for me, for my boys, for the ones that i adore. i choose to spend a few hours posting one entry, sharing with you the photographs that document my days, my travels, my journeys both inside and out.
i also come here to reveal my latest inspirations, the things that unfold at the table in my studio. all of this takes time, hours that i choose to spend right here. right now. here. writing. sharing. informing... all of the things that make me keep paying the fees to belong to typepad, all of the things that draw me right back to this computer, the one that shuts down from poor airwaves because i am so tucked in to this little holler in the hills.
i just spent the last hour writing and writing and writing, right here - right here! - only to have my blasted computer connection fail once again, shut off for the thousandth time, and vaporize each and every last word that i had taken precious time to sit and compose. i needn't tell you how frustrating this can be. letters disappear, photos too. all my efforts, gone. don't bother to tell me i should hit the save button as i go. that is precisely what i did, and when i hit that button, my post quietly went away.
what i wanted to say, what i had written before, is that i meant to write to you today about the plum tree that stands beside my deck, the one that this time of year in the spring i refer to as a magic tree with all its frothy white branches of bloom that draw a myriad of butterflies, hummingbird moths, and bees.
i wanted to tell you about the way that a green haze is slowly coming more and more into focus in the mountains out beyond these beautiful window views, of the way that the phoebe birds are swooping and diving from this branch to that while building their nest right back in the same old place on the ledge of my bedroom windows.
i wanted to tell you how i cut short my visit with my parents in alabama so i could rush back and be here for roy and his girlfriend alex, who eeked out another night's visit after a concert over in asheville, how we sat by a fire and talked long into the night, and lingered on the deck in the sunshine the next day before they had to head their own separate ways.
i wanted to tell you that walter is continuing to grow by leaps and bounds, that my fellow jewelry designer friend kathy van kleeck came for a nice long visit yesterday, that we breathlessly played catch up and walked by the river and ate wonderful food and shared jewelry designs (and i bought this, one of her newest designs, lucky me!).
i wanted to tell you that i'm feeling wonderful, that i'm absolutely blessed to be successfully selling as much jewelry as i do in this difficult economic time, that i treasure my students i've spent time with these past months, that i am absolutely thrilled to be back home. i'd love to share with you that someone bought this necklace to wear to her daughter's wedding in june, one that she'll pass down to that daughter in years to come;
and i'd love to share that another woman just purchased a piece that speaks of "the voice within", to celebrate the completion of her first year of graduate school.
oh, how these stories make my heart sing! oh, how wonderful that the things i create will be worn with emotion, with love. this makes me feel that everything i'm doing, whether busy or sitting quietly still, truly matters in the end. because it does.
i just received an email from a friend who lives all the way across the country, someone i've never actually met but a friend with whom i feel a lovely connection; we have talked on the phone (an accomplishment for me, the one who deplores the device), we exchange book ideas, we patiently commiserate. and we laugh. she very kindly wrote to me that "the joy of having you as a friend is amazing", and this makes me puff up just a bit, makes me square my shoulders and think to myself, why, yes! it is. on both accounts, hers and mine, it truly, honestly, genuinely is.
be patient with me, if you can, my friends. be patient, and understanding, and know that my heart is always in the right place, no matter how scattered i remain. xo