i look at this picture i've snapped just now - maybe ten minutes ago, as new light poured in through tender green leaves, through the white of newest dogwood petals - i look at this and my heart goes TWING, a sound even you can probably hear, like a firmly plucked harp string ringing true. heart string. twing. i hear it, and i hear walter's, too. i see the sunshine after yesterday's rain, i see the green of spring, i see the familiar beloved buddha and the blue bottles gathering morning light, i see the look in walter's eyes, i see the wicker, even the screen, the wind chimes (thank you linda, thank you roy), the paper lantern lights. i see it all. my home, something so distant to me these days. i see it all. 
i see myself here, wedged open and raw like an oyster pulled from the sea, exposed and open and not knowing what comes next. or, knowing and not knowing how to feel about the knowing, if that makes any sense at all. i took this photograph of myself the first morning i was in port townsend, all the way out to the tip of this country, walking those rocky beaches alone, sorting through sand and rock for bits of glass, peering out over the water, thinking, thinking, thinking. i was alone, that first blustery morning, i was alone and thinking and i was there. it seemed like a miracle to me, and in a way it was. i was there. 
i took so very few photos in the short four days that i was there, so very very few. the camera was forgotten, most of the time. my mind was on other things; my mind focused on the classes, on teaching my students most things that i know, and my mind was so very much all the way across the country in alabama. (you know it continues to be.) the entire trip seems like a dream. i pick up the bits of worn sea glass i carried, absentminded, home with me - the bits that fell out of pants pockets when laundry was done - and know that i was there. talismans, this glass has come to be. it tumbled its way through years of water and rock and sand, it tumbled its way to me, to my pockets, to my hands. it tumbled its little way to little me.
i want to write and tell you all of my trip to california in february, i want to tell you of my time in port townsend; i don't know when that will be. it may never be written here. time seems to run through my fingers like water. time seems to run through everything. time leaves me worn and tumbled, and a little transparent, like the glass. time runs through everything. 
there is a bridge not far from here, a bridge on a trail that runs through the woods, there is a bridge that crosses rushing water and rocks, that leads the one who walks its path into higher places, through woods and sunshine and along a roaring stream. i am fascinated by bridges, i always have been; they take us to new places, they close the gap between the here and the there, they clearly point the way. i snapped this photo two days before i left for the west coast, two days before i tearfully boarded a plane that carried me far, far, far from the homes that i know. i had, again, forgotten my camera; thankfully there is a limited one on my phone, and i thought to pull it out to capture a late afternoon moment at the foot of a crooked, creaky bridge. this photograph is for you, daddy. i took this photograph for you. i wish that i could show it to you, and maybe i will have a final chance.
i'm on my way back to alabama this morning, as soon as i can finish up here, close the laptop shut, get out of pajamas, run a brush through my hair. there is a pile of luggage and provisions (dog food, bananas, jewelry makings, wine. of course, some wine) waiting at the door. my mother, on the phone last night, said to me (my mother, who is not the demonstrative sort, my mother the gracious southern woman who lets things explain themselves as they may) "i am SO GLAD you are coming tomorrow, it will be SO GOOD to have you here", and yes it will. daddy lingers, but barely. the light is going out, is all i know to say.
i'm not sure when i'll be back here at ornamental. it could be tomorrow, it could be next week, it might be another three weeks; i do not know. to those of you who've written, i thank you; to those of you who've sent your prayers and kind thoughts, i am eternally grateful. i have never felt as deeply loved and appreciated as i've felt, these past few weeks. i can feel your presence, i can feel your wishes for strength. i can feel your hearts going twing, right there along with mine.
happy spring.
xo 
Oh Nina, dear one. I am glad you know how surrounded by love and light that you are and I so wish we could do more.
Posted by: Laurel | April 13, 2011 at 09:42 AM
Safe journey, friend. To you and me and ours.
Posted by: sally k | April 13, 2011 at 09:51 AM
This morning, on my walk back from morning mass, through the misting rain, I thought of you, hoping you could feel in some small way the strength I was trying to send you. I have continued to keep you, your daddy and family in my prayers.
Thank you for the update. Thank you for sharing all this. We love you... xxoo
Posted by: mary | April 13, 2011 at 09:55 AM
I have had you in my thoughts alot lately Miss Nina!! I was so very exicted to be on those same beaches and in your class on Saturday but it was not to be this year. We are traveling very similar paths right now with elderly parents in deteriorating health. I will hold a glass and toast you and your family everyday. thinking of you all and sending prayers- know that you are not alone and look for the wonderful signs of sweet spring all around you!! Safe travels!!! Big Hugs and lots of shared love to all!!
Posted by: Elizabeth Woodford | April 13, 2011 at 10:00 AM
Safe travels, Nina. Peace and prayers sent again your way (and your mothers & fathers)
Posted by: Lori | April 13, 2011 at 10:23 AM
I wore your necklace last night (to a swanky event) and it got tons of compliments. I love simply looking at the stones and feeling them. My thoughts are with you and your family.
xoxo
Posted by: Mary Beth Shaw | April 13, 2011 at 10:27 AM
I am SO GLAD too--to see your post!! Have been checking daily and saying a little prayer for you and your family.Take care.
Kindest regards,Missy from the bayou
Posted by: missy | April 13, 2011 at 10:47 AM
My heart is going twing twing...for you...
Posted by: Doreen | April 13, 2011 at 10:53 AM
be safe, all love
j
Posted by: julie whitmore | April 13, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Have been thinking about you and your travels and worries. Glad you can get back to your folks but you poor thing, you are probably pretty road weary at this point. I wore your “blooms" necklace this week and thought of you all. It is that time of year for blooms finally :) Sending you and your folks love and light and the strength you need for the days ahead. Peace.
Posted by: donna c | April 13, 2011 at 11:03 AM
This song popped into my head when I read your post.... wish I could sing it to you, but, instead, I'll write the words, they are good even without the musical part... I think it might be a Sufi poem turned chant, but I'm not remembering.... simple, but repeated again and again, its entrancing. (and maybe it was "his" but in my circles, got changed to "her")
~ There is a secret one inside,
all the stars and all the galaxies,
run through her hands like beads....
Posted by: Valerianna | April 13, 2011 at 11:24 AM
twing. yes. thinking of you more than you know. sending light and love and all things good and beautiful to you and your beautiful family.
xo
Posted by: amy | April 13, 2011 at 11:25 AM
twing.
Posted by: Chris Oliveira | April 13, 2011 at 11:28 AM
Have a safe journey Nina. I've been sending thoughts and prayers your way. xxx
Posted by: susanc | April 13, 2011 at 12:05 PM
it is so good to read your words, to see the photos....to know. you travel with many arms around you, many squeezes to your heart, many prayers spoken in your behalf. come back when you can. we'll most surely be here.....waiting ever-so-patiently, because we know. we really do. twing, indeed. hugs...to all of you. xoxo
Posted by: Tina in McLeansville | April 13, 2011 at 12:14 PM
sending prayers for strength and grace.
with love.
Posted by: lynnk | April 13, 2011 at 12:16 PM
If i could i would give to you now a long hug Nina! Safe journey dear friend.
that bridge must take you to the faeryland, so magical it looks in the photo.
Delila
Posted by: delila | April 13, 2011 at 12:21 PM
My thoughts are with you, Nina.
Posted by: cynthia | April 13, 2011 at 12:37 PM
Love and peace and contentment in these times ahead sweet girl ;o)
Posted by: Denise S. | April 13, 2011 at 02:09 PM
Oh ... I have been looking for you and was so glad when you popped up in my google reader tonight. Good to hear how you are, and to know where things are with you dad, and that you mum is so looking forward to seeing you. Take care, xo
Posted by: Di | April 13, 2011 at 02:14 PM
Love, peace and good thoughts are going with you - I am thinking of you, dear Nina. I love the photo of you on the beach at PT. I remember walking that same beach many times when I've been there! Jamie V in MT
Posted by: Jamie V | April 13, 2011 at 02:26 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Nina. Spring. There is so much to think of in that.
Posted by: nelda ream | April 13, 2011 at 02:34 PM
wishing you some calmness, take care of yourself.
Posted by: peggy gatto | April 13, 2011 at 02:37 PM
It is so wonderful to have you back, Nina. I have missed you.
My own dad passed away peacefully at home last week. Surrounded by love. I'm still grieving, so very sad - yet I'm remembering all the happy times and how lucky I was to have him in my life for 58 years.
Go, go to Alabama and be with your daddy and your family. Cherish these days.
I wish you strength. I send you love and prayers.
Safe journey.
xo dusan
Posted by: susan | April 13, 2011 at 02:40 PM
Oh dear Nina what a beautiful, touching post...but that is what you do!!
Have a safe trip, I'm praying for all of you and specially for your sweet Daddy...peace dear you all so deserve it. The unknown is so scary and drains our souls. Sweet Walter, the beautiful light and your beautiful family shall sustain you.
xoxo Love, hugs and prayers from Deborah and the furry feline gang in OK.
Posted by: Deborah & the furry feline gang in OK | April 13, 2011 at 02:54 PM
twing-ing here, too, sweet Nina.
peace, love and light.
Posted by: SusanMarie | April 13, 2011 at 03:04 PM
I have been checking in to Ornamental and wondering how things are in your world at this very difficult time.
My thoughts are with you dear Nina.
Always sharing the moon,
Sue xo
Posted by: Sue | April 13, 2011 at 04:14 PM
Thanks for this update, Nina, a most beautiful post. I hope that you and your family will find the love, peace and strength you need to walk through this rough spot on your journey.
Posted by: Angela | April 13, 2011 at 05:24 PM
I've been thinking about you. Wishing you well. Wishing your family well. Take care of yourself and do what you have to do, what you need to do. Life has priorities. Yours is to be with your family now.
Posted by: carole | April 13, 2011 at 05:49 PM
safe travels, dear friend.
adding my love and blessings and prayers to your chorus of supporters and angels.
Posted by: kathy vk | April 13, 2011 at 05:53 PM
Dear Nina -- You are on your way to Alabama, or maybe there by now. Lovely post. Like many, I check most days to see if there is a new post . . . and in the blog silence, I still guessed that you were getting ready for artfest, traveling to and from artfest. Glad to hear you had a good day home and that your mother will be glad to see you. Glad to hear that you will still be able to be with your father for a while. It is a blessing for you to be able to go back down there now. I wish you safe travels and peace. And you and your family remain in my prayers as we speed towards Easter. In the blog silence I know that you have gone to Alabama, as you need to do.
Posted by: Mary G. | April 13, 2011 at 06:00 PM
twing in my tear drop
Posted by: sandra | April 13, 2011 at 08:12 PM
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”
Henry Van Dyke quote
Posted by: sandra | April 13, 2011 at 08:15 PM
Thinking of you Nina and awaiting your "return"........
Posted by: Lorelei | April 13, 2011 at 08:59 PM
Peace to you and your family.
Posted by: fay | April 13, 2011 at 10:15 PM
dear heart, it is this crucible of pain that refines the gold in us that shines so brightly for others. thoughts & prayers with you for the journey. xk
Posted by: Keron Lee | April 13, 2011 at 10:17 PM
though I don't say much these days because of the "twang" in my own life, dear Nina, I am always and always and always here. I follow your pictures and your words every single time you put them down here for me to see, and I grieve for the lingering, and I grieve for the inevitable going, and I hope you feel wrapped up in my friendly embrace...love to you Nina, love and love and love...
Posted by: Katie | April 13, 2011 at 11:21 PM
Thoughts and prayers are sent your way - following you over our lovely mountains and onward to Alabama. I'm glad you are able to be there to give help and solace to your loved ones.
Posted by: Mary | April 13, 2011 at 11:42 PM
I'm thinking of you my sweet friend - so very glad that I had the opportunity to share some time with you in Gypsy Fairy necklace class. Despite all that was going on, you still had strength, humor, and patience - you are a blessing! Biggest hugs my friend.
Posted by: Jane | April 13, 2011 at 11:52 PM
i have been thinking of you and your daddy so often as i check for updates each day. i take your words to heart as you talk of the journey you are sharing with your family. i know it won't be long before i embark on a journey of my own with my father. i wish you peace and solace. breathe.
Posted by: erin | April 14, 2011 at 12:28 AM
May the love of your family embrace you like the feathered nest of a baby bird. Safe journey. You are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Lois Venarchick | April 14, 2011 at 12:43 AM
Nina,
you take as long as you need to hold your daddys hands and hug your mom. Thanks for sharing your journeys with us.
Julie Q
Posted by: Julie Q | April 14, 2011 at 06:32 AM
We only have one mama and daddy and each moment with them is so very precious. As you can see you and your sharing are very precious to all of us out here in cyberspace. Like the others, I'm sending you and your loved ones as much love and healing energy as you need.
I've missed your words. Thank you for these that you've shared today.
Patricia
Posted by: Patricia | April 14, 2011 at 12:16 PM
Aah...the blue bit of glass. It was waiting for you, just as your sweet Daddy is waiting for you today. Cherish the moments and hold them close in your heart...
Posted by: ilene harrils | April 14, 2011 at 12:32 PM
thoughts and prayers, nina...thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. safe travels......
Posted by: beth | April 14, 2011 at 09:39 PM
And now, there you are, just where you want & need to be.
Embrace your daddy in his passing, as he embraced you in your beginning and enriched you through your life. OXOXOX
PS. a hunter & gatherer was he, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree...., yes?
Posted by: Hol | April 15, 2011 at 04:00 AM
Safe travel home, dear Nina. You are thought of, you are cared for and you are not alone. I know it's a sad journey and yet, there is beauty in a mother expressing how GLAD she is to know you are coming. There is beauty in taking the photo for your Daddy of the bridge. There is beauty on the journey, but it sure is hard to see through the tears.
XO
Posted by: Michele Unger | April 15, 2011 at 02:19 PM
twing ditto. that is a nickname my friend donna jean in hawaii calls me. twing that is, not ditto. ! for some reason the lion king's circle of life song is running thru my head as i write this comment on this post of yours... whoa
Posted by: Vickie | April 15, 2011 at 05:54 PM
My love and prayers go with you....
Posted by: Leah in NC | April 15, 2011 at 09:05 PM
Still reading you and praying, in my own weird way, for you, here in Johannesburg South Africa. Bridges. Beauty. Sometimes your writing is so sharp it hurts, and not just for the obvious reason/s. Wishing you strength, Nina.
Posted by: Jennifer Rogers | April 16, 2011 at 03:13 AM
Hang in there dear Nina. Thinking of you.
Posted by: robyn | April 16, 2011 at 06:09 AM
ah life....hang in there! you are in our thoughts...
Posted by: natalya | April 16, 2011 at 08:15 AM
Nina, thinking of you forever friend & your beautiful family. May you all be surrounded by unconditional love, light, & beauty. Love & hugs to you & your family & Walter. Bonnie
Posted by: Bonnie S. | April 16, 2011 at 02:06 PM
my hear goes out to you! thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Mary-Beth | April 17, 2011 at 03:50 PM
Thinking of you Nina. Your statement, that "time seems to run through my fingers like water" is so poetic and definitely resonates.
Posted by: Seth | April 17, 2011 at 11:50 PM
Thinking of you and your family.
Posted by: Mary | April 18, 2011 at 08:47 AM
Have missed you.......still holding you and your family close.
Posted by: Emily | April 18, 2011 at 12:30 PM
Oh Dearest Nina, lost my Papa last year and this transition of life is so powerful - so glad you will be there. Take care and know our thoughts and good energy are lifting you up . I saw an Indigo Bunting yesterday and it took my breath away - thank you all the lovely nature you share with us - love your friend in Texas - JoDee
Posted by: JoDee Jetton | April 18, 2011 at 02:22 PM
Dear Nina, I lost my dad a year ago...His way of dealing with his illness, was to not tell me anything at all...at all. Finallay, on a Tuesday his wife called me and told me the truth.....but by the time I had arranged for tickets and travel, he had passed on. I so wish that he had told me, so that I could have had one more time to talk, to sit, to prepare......time has just slipped through my hands like sand this passed year, and it's still unbelievable that he's gone. Sending lots of love your way, love to your family xx
Posted by: Jess | April 19, 2011 at 03:27 AM
Holding you in my heart, sweet one! I've been away from blogs for awhile and didn't know what you are dealing with. Hard to let go of our dear ones .... what do I know? Just wanted to send you and yours a BIG HUG!
Love,
Katie
Posted by: Kate | April 20, 2011 at 04:23 PM
Safe journey to you and yours. You know that you and your family are in my thoughts and I wish you all peace. My heart goes twing
Posted by: Jeannie | April 21, 2011 at 02:50 PM
I've been there Nina. I feel your pain as you go through this journey. I remember my own. You are in my thoughts in these wee hours of the morning. I just had to come tell you that.
Bless you all.
Sharon
Posted by: Sharon | April 22, 2011 at 02:19 AM
Sending love to you & yours....
Posted by: Jess | April 22, 2011 at 01:42 PM
Nina, I watched your blog befrorre I left, I am still watching for some sign from you as I wonder what is happening in your life. All I can say is that from some one who doesnt really know you, I am sending my love and my thoughts, and I hope eventually for a happier person back in her home with her dog and all your loving friends.
Posted by: Penny | April 22, 2011 at 11:26 PM
I happened to follow Carmi's blog here today. I have been here before enjoying my visits. Bernie Berlin posted this on facebook when I needed to see it. I feel compelled to post this quote here:
When you get to the end of all the light that you know & it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown...
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly. -Edward Teller
Here is the link to a picture of my friend with the quote.
http://kimraenugent.blogspot.com/2011/02/when-you-get-to-end-of-all-light-that.html
Love & Light,
Kim
Posted by: Kim Rae Nugent | April 23, 2011 at 06:09 PM
just wanted to know you are thought of especially on this Easter weekend. Take care.
Missy from the bayou
Posted by: missy | April 24, 2011 at 01:35 AM
Nina dear, I check here each day hoping to find you back. I know this is a difficult time and you have many other things to occupy your time. Just know you, your beloved Daddy, and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers on this Easter day.
Hugs, Mary
Posted by: Mary | April 24, 2011 at 09:15 AM
happy easter Nina!
Posted by: Vickie | April 24, 2011 at 05:21 PM
HI Nina, just checking in to say my thoughts are with you x
Posted by: Rebecca Anderson | April 25, 2011 at 02:00 PM
Just checking in. Thinking of you and your family.
Posted by: sandra | April 27, 2011 at 06:03 PM
thinking of you.
Posted by: velma | April 27, 2011 at 06:46 PM
The sun is finally shining in Kentucky and it made me think of you today.I hope the sun is coming your way too! Pati
Posted by: Pati Ray | April 28, 2011 at 08:28 AM
Thinking of you - sending love to you and your family.
xo dusan
Posted by: susan | April 28, 2011 at 10:23 AM
I am praying you are safe from the storms. I wrap love around you and your family.
Posted by: Minnie | April 28, 2011 at 03:51 PM
The images of the destruction that the tornadoes have caused are heartbreaking. I hope you are all safe and well.
Posted by: Nina | April 29, 2011 at 01:15 PM
Dear Nina--I haven't written you sooner as I, too am facing the slow withdrawal of my Mom's senses--am so sorry that you are going through these difficult times with your Daddy. It is so difficult to watch a vibrant personality diminish before your eyes. My thoughts and warmest wishes for you and your loved ones go out sincerely. Mom didn't recognize me today for about 20 minutes--then I sprang back into her mind....enjoy your moments together....Sincerely (the doggie-Winnie-lady from up North) Julierose
Posted by: Julie L | April 30, 2011 at 02:14 PM
XO to you & yours.......
Posted by: Jess | April 30, 2011 at 03:18 PM