many of you have written to speak of my mother, to inquire how she is doing, after. she is a rock; have i ever told you that? my mother is one of the strongest people i know, who wavers not when storms are strong. again, today, i don't have much time to write. but i am drawn to photographs i took while down in alabama; this one was taken out at the beautiful little grace episcopal church out in the countryside, surrounded by shadows and trees. daddy's ashes are buried there, as are my brother ben's; two days after the service, we went back out to water graveside plants and have a quiet little picnic - as we so often did with daddy - in one of the many little nooks tucked back behind arbors and ivy covered walls. i want, one day, to purchase a lovely small bench and a flowering tree, to place at my family's gravesite, beside an old wrought iron fence. have i mentioned that daddy was buried on the day of a full flower moon? how fitting that was, how perfect for that nature loving poet of a giant man. on his grave, after his ashes were given to the earth, i placed a waxy, pearly white magnolia blossom. fragrant, so fragrant it was, the heady, lemony scent of so many childhood days.
so, back to that place we went, to be where we had left daddy's ashes just two short days before. it was so hushed there, in this place. it was so soothing, and serene.
many of the old bricks of the paths and walls and fountains were purchased from my father's demolition and salvage company; they came from houses and buildings he tore down when the interstate came through. paths wind through leaves and vines, under dappled sunlight that dances across the mossy walk. footsteps are softened; the quiet is a welcome respite, always. always. the quiet is always there. now daddy is, as well.
i like to think back to the time i was there with mama, last thursday; i like to remember all the times i was there with the both of them, with mama, with daddy, walking quietly under the trees down winding old brick paths. there is a stone fox, curled up under the ferns, there are flowers that bloom into the gentle, hazy summer, all through lovely spring.
there is, right now, the odd low whir of 13 year cicadas, the sort that lie buried in the ground all those many years and come up together to the light to make a quick and short lived symphony. 
their sound wound through the distant trees like some strange piece of machinery, a constant hum that made me think of leaded glass wings. i found those wings scattered everywhere; new wings, they were. new wings for my daddy. new wings.
daddy at his beloved grace church, july, 2007
xo
What an extraordinarily beautiful place Nina. Your post brought tears to my eyes. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. xxx
Posted by: susanc | May 25, 2011 at 11:57 AM
i was just thinking about you Nina when i noticed your new post. It must be so hard for you this time of sorrow. I am sure your daddy will be in a wonderful place. i so often feel my grandmother in my life, or my Tunisian grandfather although they both have been long gone. i know they are near us when ever we need them, and sometimes even if we do not ask. my heart aches for you Nina, but you must feel the ache thousand times stronger.
love,
D.
Posted by: delila | May 25, 2011 at 12:10 PM
That pic of your mum just makes me cry. She looks so lost. I am so sorry for your families loss Nina.
Peace to you all today
Posted by: fay | May 25, 2011 at 12:18 PM
What a lovely garden. The thought of being in such a beautiful, peaceful place for eternity is very soothing.
Posted by: Cynthia | May 25, 2011 at 12:21 PM
Such a lovely post Nina, you're so special, thinking of you. xx
Posted by: Tina Gilmore | May 25, 2011 at 12:25 PM
Nina, you have the most amazing way of shining a holy light through all thing. Wings for Daddy, blessings to you all.
Posted by: Loretta | May 25, 2011 at 12:55 PM
Simply beautiful ... thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Amy | May 25, 2011 at 01:21 PM
lines from "my father moved through dooms of love," e.e. cummings:
my father moved through dooms of love
through sames of am through haves of give,
singing each morning out of each night
my father moved through depths of height.
............................
joy was his song and joy so pure
a heart of star by him could steer
and pure so now and now so yes
the wrists of twilight would rejoice
......................
because my father lived his soul
love is the whole and more than all
xxxooo
Posted by: sheila | May 25, 2011 at 01:29 PM
What a lovely blog post, Nina - it really sounds like you are at peace with what has happened in your family, even though you still grieve for the loss and probably always will. I'm glad your mother is coping as well as she is - she, like you, has had a lot of loss to contend with in her life and it cannot be easy.
Posted by: Diana B | May 25, 2011 at 01:29 PM
What sweet words, Nina, and what a beautiful, special place for your Daddy to be with Ben and y'all get to visit and rest there. I can't imagine any better spot with the brick paths, trees and flowers.
I wish for you, your mom and sister and your boys peaceful, healing times ...
thinking of you.
Posted by: Susan | May 25, 2011 at 01:56 PM
Thank you Nina for sharing this with us...
Posted by: Lorelei | May 25, 2011 at 02:30 PM
Nina, I'm glad to see you back again. Did I ever tell you my daddy's ashes were flown over the field he had requested as his resting place? In a yellow crop duster's plane. I like to think of them raining down on the furrows. My father becoming one with the land he loved. "No difference now between owner and owned."
I head to SW Ga. tomorrow for a week or so. Maybe we can see each other sometime this summer?
Love you, Kay
Posted by: Kathryn Stripling Byer | May 25, 2011 at 02:34 PM
What a healing place to go and remember, beautiful. And that the path stones came from via your father is wonderful. His beauty shines through in these photos, and the one of your mother and father is moving. Blessings to you....
Posted by: Valerianna | May 25, 2011 at 02:49 PM
How blessed you have been, dear Nina, to have lived a life so full of grace. Keeping you all in my thoughts - xo Deb
Posted by: Deb | May 25, 2011 at 03:00 PM
What a beautiful tribute to both of your parents. I hope you're all doing well.
Posted by: Lori | May 25, 2011 at 03:00 PM
Beautiful post Nina..I can smell the magnolia. I always think of my Granny Kay went I smell them...I'll now think of you too! xoxo Deborah
Posted by: Deborah & the gang in OK | May 25, 2011 at 03:04 PM
what a beautiful place of peace that is...exactly what one would wish for a loved one...a beautiful place of peace. you will hold those memories in your heart forever. and your sweet mom...i see in her the same thing i've seen in my dad...the looking around to find one who isn't there, just before the remembering that they aren't there any more. that will take a while. much love and hugs to you...xo
Posted by: Tina in McLeansville | May 25, 2011 at 03:06 PM
What a place of peace and comfort.
Isn't it wonderful to have strong women for wonderful examples to us?
Love the wings picture.
Again, you sound calm and at peace.
xo, Cheryl
Posted by: Whosyergurl | May 25, 2011 at 03:42 PM
Such a lovely, peaceful place - and your daddy is there with Ben.
Love to you and your mother and Ellen.
xo dusan
Posted by: susan | May 25, 2011 at 04:01 PM
Nina -- A beautiful post that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for taking the time to create it. Love and grace to you and your family.
Posted by: Mary G. | May 25, 2011 at 05:26 PM
What a beautiful garden and lovely resting place for your beloved daddy's ashes--a peaceful and restorative place. And perfect for a man who loved the garden of this earth. I can only imagine and dream about what he is feasting his eyes on in Heaven.
Posted by: Dinahsoar | May 25, 2011 at 07:00 PM
My heart is heavy with yours Nina. You write about it so beautifully. Thank you for making your loss into poetry and something beautiful; for showing us how to accept what we must in this life.
Posted by: judy Wise | May 25, 2011 at 07:11 PM
I feel your words help keep your father with you-what a wonderful gift. Thank you for sharing, it helps me feel more alive to read your words.
Posted by: lilylovekin | May 25, 2011 at 09:17 PM
What a beautiful place; I'm sure it gives you not a little comfort. It would me. A beautiful post. Your father flies with those new wings. And his family will be okay on earth - I can tell. In the meantime, love to you and yours.
Posted by: Jennifer | May 25, 2011 at 09:44 PM
Your writing is as beautiful as ever; magic in such a time of sorrow. Blessings to you all and wishes of gentle, powerful wings to see you through.
Posted by: Jane | May 25, 2011 at 11:05 PM
"Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away...When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away; Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I'll fly away."
I love you, dear one.
Posted by: Cindy Ericsson | May 26, 2011 at 12:24 AM
Such a beautiful post Nina. Thinking of you with love....
Posted by: Nilene Thompson-Finn | May 26, 2011 at 01:25 AM
"..new wings for my daddy. new wings."
Oh Nina.... I'm sure of it.
Posted by: Farmlady | May 26, 2011 at 01:59 AM
Tears in my eyes.
Posted by: gigi | May 26, 2011 at 10:18 AM
A beautiful, peaceful place to be for sure. It's wonderful you can tell us about it so well, you do it justice. Your father would agree, I think. Sweet thoughts to you...
Posted by: Erin | May 26, 2011 at 10:30 AM
Beautiful...simply beautiful. Those are the only words I have right now.
<3
Posted by: Miz Carla | May 26, 2011 at 12:45 PM
So lovely Nina!
My mind is smiling and your words that blow thru the Meadows of Love! xxx
Posted by: Janet | May 26, 2011 at 01:52 PM
We always loved your family. A beautiful resting place for a beautiful man and his son, my best friend. Love ya'll. Margaret and Duke
Posted by: Margaret and Duke Wilson | May 26, 2011 at 01:55 PM
Aren't grief and beauty and loss and peace and pain and miracles all tangled up together in this life? Nina, you gather it all so nicely in this post. What a lovely resting place, this sweet church. Grace, indeed!
Posted by: Angela | May 26, 2011 at 05:39 PM
nina - i have spent this evening playing catch up reading the many blogs i've neglected due to life's demands. i am so very sorry to read about your father's passing. please know that you are always in my heart and loving thoughts.
Posted by: linda ad opie | May 26, 2011 at 05:43 PM
What a peaceful, serene place. The perfect spot to hear the wind blow.
Posted by: Seth | May 26, 2011 at 06:27 PM
This touched my heart, Nina. How wonderful that your Daddy built his life from repurposing building materials, seeing the beauty and value in those worn items. A peaceful walking path from old bricks, in the very place where you can be near to him now? How fitting. And how wonderful again that you honor him by repurposing found objects -- a cicada's wing, a heart-shaped pebble -- into beautiful art for others to wear and enjoy, and feel very close to you when they wear it. I think you must be very like your Daddy. I think he must be pleased.
Posted by: Linda Byrd | May 26, 2011 at 07:05 PM
"Sincerity" Sincerity is the virtue of one who speaks and acts truly about his or her own feelings, thoughts, and desires.
Posted by: Lorraine | May 26, 2011 at 07:26 PM
To be at peace in a beautiful place is a gift. My thoughts are with you and your mother.
Posted by: Karen | May 26, 2011 at 09:59 PM
Nina, let me first say that I am sorry about your father's passing. I've been out of touch for a while -- my dearest cousin, the sister I never had, died earlier this month at the age of 45. So I wonder if we are partly treading the same paths of grief, you and I. I love your photo of the wing -- new wings for your daddy and my cousin, that's a wonderful thought. Suzette had a fantastic singing voice, and I've been saying that she's singing with the angels now. Maybe your daddy joined the choir, too. (hugs)
Posted by: Judy Merrill-Smith | May 27, 2011 at 12:04 AM
Such a peaceful place for your dad and brother to rest in peace. lovely photo of your mother with her quiet strength. thoughts are with you all
Posted by: jacky | May 27, 2011 at 01:01 AM
Nina, I am so sorry for your loss. I believe that family members who leave this earth before us are watching over us and protecting us like our own guardian angels. They are with us every day not only in our memories but in our hearts. When I begin to feel sad, I remember that they are watching over me. It is really comforting to know that I have my own guardian angels who are there when I need them. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Posted by: Denise Petersen | May 27, 2011 at 01:14 AM
Hello Nina, I've come here via Susan of Windrock Studio. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father...and what a lovely way to remember him...through this serenely beautiful garden that he helped to create.
I love the wings...it's such a touching and meaningful image. Blessings to you and your mother as you grieve your loss yet celebrate his life.
Posted by: Kate I | May 27, 2011 at 12:37 PM
Thank you for sharing Nina...these are touching. I like all of the pictures...the at the door of Grace is full of strength, love and spirit.
At the door of grace...that's it.
Posted by: sandra | May 27, 2011 at 06:50 PM
~how sweet the sound....~
Posted by: Sharon | May 27, 2011 at 07:54 PM
peace be with you Nina.
xooxrobin
Posted by: robin dudley howes | May 28, 2011 at 10:12 AM
Look at your Daddy and Momma..so lovely! My Mother is just like yours, she never wavers and is a member of the Honorary Elite Rock Club. Mine lives alone, wont live with anyone and she never seems to get lonley. She must sometimes but she never spills over like I might. Shes 88 and I dont know how she does it. Maybe time does that? But you would think as old as my Mother is she would want to be alone all of the time and Ive told her that. Nope no budging. People like your Mother are really to be admired! I bet she is one fine Woman Nina! Your parents..what beautiful Treasures.. xox
Posted by: Janet | May 28, 2011 at 11:10 AM
My thoughts are with you and your family during this time of change. May time help you and bring you peace and serenity.
Posted by: Nancy | May 29, 2011 at 05:55 AM
You do what you want and need to do. Others will understand or not, no matter. We break open when death knocks us down. How we put
ourselves together, different always,
is important. Don't rush it and please take good care.
Posted by: Patty M | May 29, 2011 at 10:22 AM
What a beautiful and serene place. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. May you take comfort in knowing that this community of bloggers are thinking of you during this difficult time. You are a beautiful light to so many of us who read your blog.
Posted by: Penny | May 29, 2011 at 10:43 AM
It is a lovely place for you to be able to visit and remember all the wonderful times past.
I am so sorry for your loss.
My Dad is now gone for 27 years, he died too soon. And my Mom died fourteen years ago.
I miss them both now more then ever.
Peace to you.
Posted by: Laura | May 29, 2011 at 08:36 PM
Bless you. And be at peace with this time. If you don't make deadlines, it's ok. My dad passed 10 years ago this July, and the grief...I'm not sure it gets easier, but it does change and grow softer. Take care.
Posted by: CeCe | May 31, 2011 at 02:58 PM
I am so sorry - I haven't been able to get to blogs in the past few months and this is my first visit to yours. Please accept my sympathy and prayers. Hugs!
Posted by: Jill | May 31, 2011 at 05:30 PM
Once again, your words bring tears to my eyes. Bless you and your family sweet Nina, and may you stay strong during this difficult time.
Posted by: Emily | May 31, 2011 at 11:06 PM