holding the light

  i'm "home" - again.  the house is an utter mess; i've been away for 3 1/2 months, with only a few days to walk in, unpack, do laundry, and repack all over again.  workshop samples are due for artfest by may 31; there will be no extension of a deadline for me, and at this point it is looking rather like i won't be able to pull the info together in time.  my heart is with my family.  my heart is with daddy.  his heart, i know, is still with me.  i can feel his spirit next to me, i can hear him telling me i love you over and over again, as the wind passes through the new leaves.  the wind whispers things to me; it whispers, again and again, i love you so.  i always will.  i don't have time to share much more with you today.  but the photograph of daddy you see here, taken perhaps two years ago - my mother was straightening his crookedly buttoned shirt, to his right - the photograph you see here is one that hangs on their bedroom wall, that he looked at from his hospital bed those 2.5 months, that he saw and spoke of over and over and over again.  i have placed it up on the living room mantel, under the watchful gaze of an angel, and another just like it on a green corner shelf in the bedroom.  i'll share more with you when i can.  there is so much!  so much:  the beauty and the grief, the sadness and relief, the aches, and the small quiet joys that bubble to the surface now and then. 

shine on, sweet daddy.  shine on.  xo

Comments

[Linda]

Hugs for you Nina................. may you always have your fond memories to comfort you.

[susanc]

You have been in my thoughts and prayers. xxx

[Marie]

Hang in there Sweet Friend. This will slowly soften into something more manageable so that you can get back on track.

[Kelly]

Big hugs Nina. Stay strong and know that we are all tinking of you.

[Jan]

I have found a cranny in my heart and put you there.

[Barbara]

I cannot but begin to imagine the enormity of what you are feeling - maybe like you've been flung out into the universe with no net in sight - but, remember, all our hearts are with you. We've got you.

[Whosyergurl]

Beautiful, Nina. You are so smart to follow your heart. If it is with your family, that is where you are. You sound peaceful. I'm glad.
Hugs to you, Cheryl

[julie whitmore]

Dearest friend,

eyes are burning,
i understand
xxx

[kathy vk]

Sending deep love and adding my support to the chorus of angels at your side.
xo

[mary]

How beautiful to hear the whispers. How beautiful to still feel the love.

Keeping you in my prayers as you continue through this. xxoo

[Jamie V]

Nina - Glad to hear from you. Take your time - move at your own pace! We won't mind the wait! Thinking good thoughts! Hope you got to graduation - (I'm thinking about your boys as well) Jamie V in MT

[beccajo]

adding my tears and sending hugs to you as well......

[susan]

I know these feelings. Sending love to you.

xo dusan

[Tina in McLeansville]

take it one step at a time and do what you have to do for YOU...the pieces will all fall into place. he will always be with you. sending much love...xoxo

[Mary G.]

Dear Nina -- Thank you for taking the time to let us know that you are home & safe. Anyone who has lost her dear father knows that it is a hard time. I trust that you will be good to yourself. That picture of your daddy is so full of his spirit . . . he will shine on, in your heart, in your family, and in your grown-up boys. Wishing you peace and grace.

[Sharon]

~you are loved~

[herhimnbryn]

xo xo xo

[sandra]

Thank you for sharing this. There is such spirit, depth and love in his eyes and in yours...sending my angels over your way...

[Minnie]

My cousin use to type to her daddy that passed, she would tell me he answered her, I thought she was crazy. Not any more, made my heart warm when heard he was whispering to you....... Much love your way. I am sure teehsa will give you a few extra days to pull your stuff together.....xxoo

[Michelle @ Give a Girl a Fig]

Such a nice photo of him...he looks happy. xo

[LINDA]

Thinking of you, love the photo. Hope you get your samples done, all the best

[Farmlady]

Take a deep breath and shine on, sweet Nina, shine on.

[Amy]

Breathe in, breathe out ... one day at a time...

[Sarah]

My deepest condolences, Nina. I lost my dad 11 years ago. There is nothing to stay except remember to be kind to yourself and know that one day you will be able to think about him without crying. If "one day at a time" is too hard, do fifteen minutes at a time.

I hope you can find someone to help create samples for you.

hugs and love,

S

[erin]

you will do what you can and it will be enough. remember to breathe.

[Janet]

Awww Nina. You know I sit here and think..how can this life be for nothing? A whisper..a gentle wind or like a vapor and then poof suddenly gone? All the Love in this life and beautifully formed bodies that are cherished and loved. No this is not the end. The Lord wrote that "He has put eternity in their hearts" and so this is where I lay my heart and my Joy. Your father Nina he has just gone on ahead is all! Im rooting for you Babe. be strong and be of good courage even when the tears flow and your heart breaks...with Love from Janet xx

[Vickie]

its okay

[Pati Ray]

get back to you walks in woods, along the water and it will restore you. There are hearts out there waiting for you to find them and take them home with you.

[Elizabeth Woodford]

What a wonderful handsome caring face to watch over you! Don't push yourself too much right now- you need to just BE for a bit!!
Big HUgs!!

[sue]

Thinking of you dear Nina, and sending you hugs across the ocean. xo

[Ramona Gordy]

Hi Nina
I am sorry for your loss,and you and your family are in my prayers. It is our duty as kindred spirits to mourn with those who mourn, to uphold the feeble arms,to comfort in any way possible.
My own dad passed away in 1997, and he was my very best friend and champion,maybe like your dad. For a while I wondered what would I do without him in my life. But I know that the spirits of our loved ones never die and they love us through eternity. I remember in a special dream of my dad, he visited me, he was wearing his favorite cowboy hat, and of course he was driving his favorite white and red cadillac a friend had given him. I remember he drove the car and parked it in a surreal place, and he told me that he loved me, and not to worry, because every thing would be alright. And it was, and it still is. Then he drove away. I always have that dream fresh in my heart because I know it was real.
xoxoxox Nina

[missy]

be ready for mail-from-heaven.....hugs.
missy from the bayou

[Lisa Williams (Farmladys sister)]

Dear Nina, Hold on to sweet Walter. Let him cover you with doggy kisses.He's silent, present,an anchor to help keep you from floating away. We love you.

[Richelle]

moment to moment..

[Seth]

listen to the wind.

[Jo]

How fitting that your dear daddy's remains be left in this beautiful place that he helped build. The brick walkways and walls are so beautiful, as the whole cemetery seems to be... a lovely and reverent place to visit.

Your mom is so beautiful in this picture. I'm glad that she's strong, especially now. It makes saying goodbye a bit easier for her and helps you, too.

[barbara karr]

Oh, Nina...I am so sorry...please consider yourself engulfed in a heartfelt hug...I wish I could give you a real hug.