sweet story

  i haven't really felt much like writing.  i haven't really felt like doing much of anything, truth be told.  but i think it's high time i share a bit of celebration story with you regarding roy's graduation, which fell smack in the middle of daddy's illness, passing, and funeral.  i look back at that week now and wonder how on earth i managed to make it all work with any semblance of sanity at all.  i left for a seven hour drive to wilmington, on the nc coast, after being home from alabama for four short days.  daddy was still with us, but fading rapidly.  ellen flew from alabama to be there with me, to celebrate roy's accomplishments; and robin flew from colorado; we all arrived that wednesday afternoon.  on thursday evening, after we'd spent a full day with the boys, daddy passed away.  time stopped.  ellen and i spent most of the next day holed up in the hotel room there on the edge of the ocean, making phone calls and shifting plans, trying to make all of the loose ends meet.  friday is a blur.  saturday, roy graduated, and sunday we left early to drive the eleven hours down to alabama.  while still in wrightsville beach, we left the sliding glass door open to the sounds of the sea and the wind, we slept with it like that as well.  but our hearts were in alabama, our hearts were with the boys, and being at the edge of the ocean did not really matter in the end.  on saturday morning, a couple of hours before roy was set to graduate, i managed to walk on the beach by myself of a bit.  families were scattered here and there - young parents with small toddlers, grandparents with their children and grandchildren, women like me who were walking alone.  i felt as isolated out there while walking as i ever had in my life.  no one knew the sadness that i held inside of me.  no one realized that my father had slipped away just 30 hours before.  i knew that if i had struck up a conversation with anyone, with any stranger there on the sand, it would have been disastrous.  this was their vacation, their time to relax and unwind; far be it from me to drain my sadness out onto the sand right there at their bare feet.  there is a scene from the beloved movie amelie that comes to mind when remembering how i felt, immersed and saturated as i was by my own sodden grief. (who is this woman hiding behind her weak smile?  she is the daughter of the one who had so recently passed.  she is the walker, wandering alone on the early morning beach at the undulating line that divides water from land). 

my one souvenir from this trip?  a smooth sliver of translucent stone that i plucked and pocketed from the just washed sand.  well, no, not entirely true.  let me back up just a bit to thursday afternoon, where roy and ellen and i received tattoos.  i know.  i do.  i was one who said i'd never get it done, and now i have two.  the first was in new zealand, on the nape of my neck, a small and delicate silver fern frond to symbolize how much i love that place.  and now?  on my left shoulder, a bird of grey and black to symbolize the bluebird, something daddy and i spoke of often, and to daddy, i blow a kiss.  it seemed the time, as he faded from earth and as roy blossomed forth, to commemorate in some way.  those two share the same name - roy grey - and the tattoo is for this.  ellen has an identical one as well, but with grey spelled with an A, for her son benjamin's middle name. ellen snapped this photo of my shoulder on that friday of staying in all day.  from what i can see, i had just risen from bed, judging from the sleepy bed linen creases of my skin.  i forget throughout my days that the little bird is there, he flies so quietly from room to room  - a bird on my shoulder, flying always behind me.  my graduation gift for roy was the tattoo he chose to get that day - a compass on his shoulder that will help him find his way - the perfect gift that will not break, that will not be lost.  in shades of black, not grey. it was a beautiful day, may 14 - a day of rites and passages, a day everyone in that auditorium heard my father's name in roy clearly called out:  roy grey henry.  it was a beautiful day.

  it was a day to tap into our overflowing hearts and share everything that they held - the weakness, the sadness, the strength and pride and ever radiant joy. 

 
full hearts, indeed.  they still overflow, from then until the following week, winding clear on up and through this precious early summer day.
 
xo 

Comments

[J a n e W y n n]

Brilliant...
Well done Nina...
Well done.

xox

[Tina in McLeansville]

ellen was right, the necklace looked beautiful...a long walk on the beach will come at another time when you can breathe deeply and stretch to reach the edge...to sink your hands into the water and find gold. even in the sadness i know you all felt, the joy is evident...congratulations to roy...to all of you...for finding the joy...seeing the hope. the tattos are beautiful, and most appropriate, i think. xo

[julie]

GO ROY!!! and cool tattoos, all of them.

[Leslie M]

Ah, yes. The joy with the sadness. Life.
Love the tattoos. Congratulations to Roy!

xo

[Linda]

congratulations Roy....... Nina, what a lovely family you have! beautiful tattoos, all of you, and what a great bonding thing to do together............ again, I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell you from experience that grief is good and healing. I didn't know it at the time when going through it, but it is healing, and I'm not sure why either. Just follow your heart, cry by yourself when you need to and cry with friends when you need to. It all helps. I send you big hugs, you are a wonderful woman.

[Adrian]

Beautiful. All of it.

[sandra]

oh Nina thank you for sharing this. "Life
is Love". Love just oozes from every direction. It hurts and doesn't hurt all at the same time...

Your post at such a delicate time shows your love for us...

[Nilene Thompson-Finn]

Love SO much the symbolism of your tattoos! Good for you.....
Thinking of you and sending hugs and healing thoughts, Nilene

[Loretta]

Congratulations to Roy and to all of you, who have managed to make your way through the joys and despair of life, so closely twined together. What a time you have had, Nina, gulping down the sorrow and the joy, and trying to remain upright through it all. I hope this summer provides so much needed peace on Firefly Road with your pup. I hope that bluebirds follow you forever.

[judy Wise]

oh nina, you must be so proud. what a good mother you have been with all the struggles every family endures. take a victory lap. xo

[kathy dorfer]

beautiful post . thank you for sharing.
with death comes life and you have shown us
this today with your son and his new compass.
congratulation roy !
xxoo

[kim]

beautiful all around!!! xox

[Ann]

What a wonderful family you have! The most wonderful possession anyone can have....
But that dog picture still brings tears to my eyes.

[donna joy]

Such a bittersweet time for you~the part about your walk on the beach reminded me of when my gram was dying-we all left to go eat and a woman passed us in front of the restaurant and smiled and said "have a nice day" I remember all the emotions that went through my head-but she had no idea what we were all going though at that moment. We never know what others are going through as we pass them-we can only hope that a smile or word can make a difference in their day~
One story ended but another has begun-may you all find peace.

[Vickie]

so good to hear from you! love All the way around.

[susan]

Such a beautiful and touching post, Nina. Love to you and all of your dear family.

xo dusan

[Lynn in Tucson]

What a beautiful family. Your tattoos couldn't be more perfect.

[Mary G.]

Dear Nina -- Your story is beautiful. Delicate with the passages in your life as a mother, daughter, sister. I remember reading your post when Robin graduated (from Appalachian? Do I remember that right?) -- that seems so long ago now. Do you know about the mailbox in Wrightsville Beach at the tip of the island across from Figure 8 Island (north?)? I did not know about it until my family (mom, sisters and their families) spent a week at that beach earlier this year to celebrate my retirement. The mailbox is on a kind of low dune cliff (looks like where beach replenishment must have washed away). Next to it stands a little tree on which folks have hung all sorts of things. Inside the mailbox is a notebook in which people have written. Now that Roy has graduated from UNC-W you may not have much opportunity to return there, but if you do, now you know where you can leave a lovely note to commemorate your visit.

[kathy vk]

Thanks for sharing the timeline - I was wondering how everything had transpired. Been thinking and thinking of you and sending quiet healing prayers and love. Rest and reflection, a very good thing for now.
Thinking back to conversations of years past, I chuckled at the new tattoo, but really do love it - one of these days I'll decide what I want.
You are surrounded by love, infinite grace and abundance ... but you already knew that.
xx

[herhimnbryn]

xo, dear one,xo.

[Lorri Scott]

Nina, You and Ellen look absolutely beautiful!! I'm glad there was some joy in the middle of all your sorrow and weariness.

xo

[Martha Appleberry]

My daddy was born in Wilmington and raised on Wrightsville Beach.

I wish there was something I could say to help. Please know you are in my thoughts.

[beccajo]

beautiful post as always you brought me to tears. what a lovely symbol to match a lovely story.

[Gena]

Well done Roy, well done! I love the photo of Roy in front of the sea hawk - it says to me a graduate taking flight. So much beauty in the photo's. Thanks for sharing as always Nina.

[Michelle @ Give a Girl a Fig]

Such a beautiful family...your grown babies are so handsome. I always remember when you and I first met...it was our love of nature, and our boys, that attracted our hearts.

Sadness and isolation aside...you look so beautiful. And may I say...so young... You look peaceful...in spite of all...

The bird tattoo is PERFECT. I LOVE it SO much...it is YOU to a tee.

[Jan]

It is so soothing to sit in this place of tears and stillness - the response to reading your story. My heart is touched, as it often is by your posts. You slow me down, and increase my gratitude. Many thanks.

[Whosyergurl]

Lovely narrative. Love the pic of your son beneath the bird wings.
Take flight.

xo, Cheryl

[Amy]

....what an emotional rollercoaster - as always described with eloquence .... Congratulations and Condolences.

[Judy Merrill-Smith]

So beautiful. All of it. Love the tattoos! (I have to admit, I've been thinking about finally getting one myself.)

[Susanne]

A beautiful post, full of feelings, joy and sadness combined. Wonderful tattoos, I love the bird and the compass is so appropriate. We have just celebrated two graduations at home and had a wonderful time with family together. Everyone has left again, but the feeling of togetherness has remained somehow.

[Mary]

I've been slow on catching up with posting, however, even while away in the UK, I was checking when possible to find out what was happening. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers were following you from afar Nina, knowing that your dear Daddy was readying for his journey onward. How busy you were, so many miles to travel back and forth, bright spots such as Roy's graduation (congrats. to him), the always sad time of a funeral and saying goodbye. You have weathered it well dear friend - your loved ones for support and you in turn giving yours to your sweet mom and others. Be strong and try to get some rest now.

If you stop by my blog you will see my post on my meeting with Delila from Finland, and artist Eileen, in the Lake District a couple of weeks ago! It was so wonderful to meet these two talented gals........just wish we could have spent more time together. It's thanks to you I found Delila (and then Eileen), who is just so lovely - we need to get her to North Carolina some day, she would so love your mountains and woodlands. I can envision the two of you sitting quietly together creating beautiful jewelry.

Sending love and good thoughts your way.
Love, Mary

[missy]

I too found the picture of roy in front of the bird the most symbolic.....each of your family members spreading their wings and embracing change...........
missy from the bayou

[Susan]

Hey Nina, I feel so blessed that you shared all of this ... the joy and sadness, the pride and the gorgeous tattoos! And all the lovely images of you, your sister and boys, so very special.
It's wonderful to hear your voice again.

[Janet]

The ebbings of the tide in Our lives and they flow fade and renew!
Be strengthened and go on and be of good courage..and then rejoice and call it all Joy! xxx

[nelda ream]

The pictures of you with Roy and Ellen are so beautiful. Sending you warm hugs across the miles today. XO

[wendy]

you are always in my heart, always

[Seth]

Congratulations to Roy on a huge accomplishment. Congratulations to you Nina on somehow making everything work. And congratulations to you all for those tattoos!

[Sharon]

Ah, the tattoos are perfect! And beautiful! I love them. I plan to get one soon myself. I was going to do it with my best friend. We live in different states and have not been able to get together for quite a while. Life keeps getting in our way. She is getting hers tomorrow with her daughter. Maybe she'll get her second with me.

Congratulations to Roy!

You all remain in my thoughts and prayers. It gets easier, but it takes a while. Rest and talk about your memories often.

Hugs, Sharon

[Sharon]

~perfect~

[rachelle]

You remain on my shoulder in my thoughts and wishes Nina. I'm so proud of you, of you all. For the honour you give your parents, for the strength to be present as a mother for your sons, for living so authentically. I have much to learn. You humble me. x

[Judy H.]

Very lovely post.

[Susan Sewell]

Life just keeps unfolding, does it not. This was a brilliant post and as much as I like the tats, I thought finishing it with the pic of your tender mooshy was a good choice.

[Lorraine]

It has all been said.... You are a remarkable woman, mother, sister and daughter. I love your tattoo!

[Katherine Langford]

What a lovely circle of experience - I know so much sadness seems to be circling about, but so much pride and joy in a new life setting forth. May you and all your family be blessed. much love! xxx

[liz]

Sending so much love. In this moment, I think about your strength and bravery and heart strings. How I wish we could walk together tomorrow and share stories. xoxo

[Ann]

All beautiful...good to haave you back.

[Kathy]

Ah. The dichotomy of life. This was beautifully written. As always. Summer is a time for joy and reflection. I hope you get to spend time feeling both. - Kathy

[Jennifer Valentine]

You must be so proud of your child....what an amazing accomplishment for him! Thank you so much for sharing it with us here.
I think of you often as I go about my day...wondering how you are...I hope you can feel it.
The tattoo is so beautiful and very very well done! I'm thinking of getting one myself...never thought I'd do it either.Funny how age and experiences change our mind about things... We're allowed.

[Pam Kirshenbaum]

Beautiful post.....Congratulations to Roy and I absolutely love your tattoo. So perfect. Hugs to you and your family. xoxo

[Pamela Huntington]

HI Nina,
Congratulations to Roy and I wish him much success and happiness in this new adventure in his life...and, i, too like your tattoo it is perfect for you, sweet, light-hearted and ethereal ..
xoxox