at last

yesterday was a long, drawn out practice in frustration, a lesson for the grace of patience.  i spent the entire morning photographing eight or nine intricate pieces of jewelry, stopped at lunch to walk at the river with walter, resumed work at 1:30 then did not stop until well past 8pm.  once i had decided to begin listing the work in my etsy shop, the connection died.  completely.  nothing would work, and my poor mother - who calls every evening at 8:20 or so - had to quietly listen while i had a downward melt of poor poor me.  as if she didn't have enough worries of her own, without my unloading my own litany on her.  ah well.  thank you, friend, for talking me through a computer revamp first thing this morning, thank you for also being patient with my insecurities.  the life of an artist is not an easy one, to be sure.  the life of a single artist, eeking out an existence on her own, is that much more fraught with twists and bumps in the road.  someone whose husband just passed away wrote me that my life is beautiful, and i have to agree, as sorry for myself as i have felt at times:  i can slam down the laptop screen and walk out of here to head for the river, if i want to turn the world off for a bit, and i can crawl into bed at 8:30 with the end of a wonderful book, without having to worry about intruding on anyone else's evening agendas. 
 i am surrounded by beauty, i revel in its depths, i see what i see and am able to turn these visions into my own interpretations of the world that surrounds little old me, right here on firefly road.  amazing stuff, usually - but not when i am dependent on a quick computer connection, when i am trying to earn a living through a little shop that floats around out in the ethernet.  but, such is life.  this morning, the sun is brightly shining, the connection is back up and running, and i have places to go, miles to walk, jewelry to sell.  life is full, it always seems to be overflowing with goodness and oddness and everything in between.
life is a treasure, i say.  i don't know, maybe i'm deeply confused:  last night i was in the midst of great angst, spewing to my sweet mother over the phone that i am tired of always worrying, tired of being the only one to take care of business, tired of endlessly having to pay this bill or that (i promise, i apologized and said i knew she of all people would understand from her own experience).  now here i am this morning, sitting in cloud and star and blue sky patterned flannel before a sunny window, grateful for the simplest of things that being alive does bring:  the sighting of an enormous hawk perched high above the roaring river (or maybe an eagle, i don't know, the creature was huge), a cup of cinnamon spiced tea in late afternoon, a worn pebble in my pocket on the way back from our walk.  a call from my mother, like clockwork.  texts from sweet friends.  letters from treasured connections that were lost for years, for lifetimes past.  a dream of an enormous bouquet of colored helium balloons.  these things are all good, they are all what keep us going when swerves in the road are sharp and unexpected.  these things are the beauties that wait for us to recall at the end of the day, once darkness has fallen and we draw deep into ourselves. 
"i walk in my body like a queen" - words from the end of one of my all time favorite novels, and i hold those words deep in my heart.  maybe you do, as well;  i hope so, anyway. 

i'll begin listing these treasures this morning, as soon as i can get out of pajamas and into something fit for the rest of a queenly day.  old jeans will be just fine. 

editor's note:  all current pieces have now been listed in my shop - whew!

xo

Comments

[julie]

may your connection stay strong all day, may you enjoy every step of your walks with walter at the river and may you enjoy your afternoon kick ass cinnamon spiced tea in one of the coolest mugs in the world. x

[eb]

yep
yesterday was like that
hello today...

xox - eb.

[kim]

i bow to you and your new collection
of fancies..xox

[sandy]

“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”

Paulo Coelho

Namaste...

[Hope Amen]

A bright new day, lovelies to send off to new homes, and maybe some Thai soup when the chill starts to set in....

Hope xo

[jan]

Luminous indeed ... may your day be as glowing.

[Kathy VK]

Hey sweet friend - just did a quick perusal on Etsy ... over the top amazing! Over on this side of the hill, I've been over the top self-absorbed ... thinking of you, but not reaching out ... guess that's the heart of being self absorbed. So glad to see such spectacular work emerging.

love and hugs .......

[Tina in McLeansville]

there is always a new day, fresh with hope and bright with promise....and no matter what is going on, remember that. for the record, meltdowns included, your life is a wonderful thing to behold. and your work here is totally amazing. hugs...xo

[Lee]

Thank you for the reminder! We are kneed deep in stress and dbt and joblessness, and I am the fixer-take-cre of-everything person. And it gets tiresome. Then I go to work, assist putting a chemo port in a termiannly ill 34 year old, and I wake up and smell the coffee. I am going to gather up the boys and the dog today and had out for a walk. Wish you could come. We've had a pair of adult eagles and a juvenile hanging around...

[Lee]

sorry for the typos!!!

[Jamie V]

Nina - Thank you for your ongoing inspiration! I am headed out for a walk in the woods right now to clear my thoughts! I love your 'luminous' necklace/bracelet... that's my word for 2012 - luminous! Jamie V in MT

[SusanS]

just finished that book, and the phrase that stuck in my mind was "titties as big as the moon", ha ha ha

[Kelly Jeanette]

We are all entitled to a meltdown once in a while. It makes the good days all that much better. Love your jewelry!
Enjoy your day and I hope your connection stays up.

[tracey]

That's what moms are for right? My daughter called me from college last week with a meltdown of her own, lots of complaining, I just listened and all was well.
Beautiful beautiful pieces! I must sell more of my work, so I can buy more of your work!!! That's the goal :)
I was standing in line at Staples the other day here in Chapel Hill behind Lee Smith, she has the greatest voice, you know it's her before you see her face!

[wendy cooper]

If you want to go places you must either get behind and push or go in front and pull.
If you stand to the side you won't go anywhere......

[Monica]

Nina, I SO admire the fact that you are a SOLO artist and I empathize with you on being the sole person to do every bit of work involved with being an artist and selling work as an artist: the creating, the photographing, the downloading, the editing, the listing, the writing of the listings and on and on and ON! As I start on my own path as a SOLO artist, I look to you for inspiration and say "if Nina can do it, I can do it too!", though I too may grumble a bit at how much time it takes after the creating fun is over ;)

This post is a reminder that though we may be working solo, we still have the support of friends, family and loved ones who are willing to hear us out when the frustrations pile up and thank goodness for those wonderful supportive folks!

Thank you Nina, for creating and SHARING all the beauty in your life - it is a wondrously magical thing to be able to witness =-)

[red tin heart]

Reading your words always, always helps my heart..
love Nita <3

[Ann]

Thank you so much for the post...I am a writer and artist and have been extremely upset re the failure of a client to pay me according to my contract, basically causing me to melt down Friday and cry. My beloved aunt brought me up, and I was so upset I hugged her old pink sweater, which I have kept for the 24 years since her death. But then I had three people call, many email messages, a loan offer and today an offer from a friend to give me $100, which i didn't take. But god bless her. I also live in a beautiful place and appreciate the reminder of what we have.