conflicted

i've been writing this blog for over six years.  six years!  it's hard for me to believe.  i've openly shared with readers my ups and downs, my artwork, my raging insecurities, my love of nature, my love of friends and family, and with all of that i share countless images that take me a great amount of time to post.  when i take a photograph - and i often take many photographs of one thing to reach the final "one" that i like - there is a process that consumes hours of my time.  the same goes for listing a piece of jewelry:  i struggle to take photos from a variety of angles, making sure to catch the light in a gemstone, an angle of a charm and how it dangles, the detail on a part that rests alongside the neck, the length of a piece and where it falls when worn, the color of ribbon, the mood and emotions that are so deeply woven and ensconced into each and every design.  after i've taken 20-30 photographs of one single piece, the editing begins.  this takes hours - literally, hours - of sitting here at the laptop and bumping up or down the lighting, changing and cropping the size of the photo, the contrast.  sometimes one tiny part of a necklace will be out of focus, and i sit and very finely focus on just that one small bit, making sure a word is popping out into view and catching one's attention.  sometimes there are flecks of dust, or an errant walter hair, that must be removed.  often lighting is horrid, as is the case throughout winter; i hurry to snap photos early in the morning before the winter sun sweeps straight into the window and spills across the desk, where it resides in stripes until the end of the short day, when it sinks without fanfare behind the western mountains.  if i'm trying to take any sort of jewelry or art photograph between sunrise and sunset, it is a matter of finding a spot where the sun is not direct (too harsh), yet where the light is bright enough to capture details without the image being blurred from too long an exposure.  yes, i have a light box.  yes, i hate the thing.  photographs of jewelry taken inside that box seem sterile and void of any emotion; too, i gave my tripod to my son robin because i never ever used it - until one desperate, dark afternoon when i realized i could use that box but needed the tripod i had given away.  life is so much like that for me:  i realize all too often, after purging and sending the bulk of things i'd not used in years, that there are times quite a few of those things pop into my head as something i'd like to once again incorporate into my art, into my life.  gone.  the antique measuring tape (which never ever surfaced, thank you very much says the dog with the bone), a canvas painting, some length of trim... for those things, i must learn to just let go.  but, for this - for the blog that takes so much of my time to write, to share?  what to do?  i spend hours and hours and hours writing and editing and uploading photographs, most times an entire morning and part of an afternoon.  five hours is not unusual.  and all of this, for readers, absolutely free.  i pay $150.00 for a years' worth of membership to typepad (double what i used to pay, two years ago, for the very same service.  go figure) because i like the little extra ability to tweak the design of my blog.  why?  i like to share my world with all of you.  i like to show what makes my heart ache with beauty, what excites me about creativity, what it feels like to be sad or elated, confused and angry or unabashedly joyful and all things in between.  i like, just as much, to hear back from the world that sits on the other side of this computer screen; i like to hear and receive feedback, i like to know there are those out there who get what i have to say, who appreciate it with depth and with truth and with deepest gratitude.  (i even like to know if and when you don't, as hard as it may be to read those words).  i don't get paid one dime to spend the time that i do on this blog.  no one forces me to sit here and write my heart away, and i'll be the first to admit that i ask for the loss of creative time away from the studio when i spend it sitting here writing and pecking away at this plastic keyboard.  peck, peck, peck.  delete, delete, tweak, upload, hit the post button and poof, there is my open heart in lights right there on any screen in the world that wants to find its way into this tiny world of little old nina bagley. 

whew.

rant.  this is, i am beginning to see, a rant.  i don't mean it to be, but i swear i don't feel like reading back over anything i've written, because it will once again be delete delete delete then a huge regret for hitting that "post" button in the end.  for sending my emotions out there for all to see.  i've gotten myself in trouble a couple of times that i can remember, and the backlash was horrid, acidic, and lasted quite a while.  i've learned not to mention politics here, or the particular brand or strength of my religious beliefs; i've learned not to mention conflict in the jewelry designing world (as micro small as this world happens to be, so small.  a little pond out in the middle of a vast rolling meadow as seen from out of space, that small), i've mostly learned to keep my mouth shut about anything other than my own emotions that involve no one else, about anything that creates any conflict at all.  i've tried to continue to share with you what makes me feel good about what i do - the design part of it, the inspiration behind a piece, the excitement about being "on a roll" with a new line of things, a new look.  i've tried to maintain a freshness here, although to me it often seems and feels as if what i'm doing is the same old thing, the same old words, the same old jewelry photographs over and over again.  a leaf with a beaded pattern of rain across its veiny surface.  a rock that is in the shape of a heart.  my open palm, holding something, anything.  my feeling of isolation, my gratitude for a quiet life.  the conflict that arises within that one sentence alone.  the trials and tribulations of owning a very spirited dog named walter (who challenges me every single day, who summons just as much love throughout every hour of every passing day).  the devastation of loss, of grief.  the dealing with that.  the forced, raw growth that comes from it.  the mixed package of being a single woman at the ripe age of 55 who lives out in the middle of no freaking where.  the parts where i tire of being the only one to walk up and down the stairs with that overloaded laundry basket (where is my laundry fairy when i need her?), to cook the dinners that i consume, to straighten the house.  the only one to walk up and down stairs loading the luggage into the car.  cleaning up the glass alone when burglary strikes.  the only one to pay the ever looming bills.  to bring in the money that pays all of those bills.  the only one to sit at this desk and bang away at the laptop keys as if it is a wise thing to do with my life, sitting here venting to the world.  when i take a bit of time and back away, whether it is to focus on much needed work that will bring in the necessary income to pay the rent, to pay the lingering dental bills, or whether it is because i simply want to spare you the numbness that comes from reading the same old watered down thing, it is a choice that i make to step away and not post for a few days, a couple of weeks.  and, inevitably, i begin to receive comments and emails asking where i am, asking what might be going on.  sometimes i wonder if the thoughts that i'm thinking as i walk along the river are thoughts that i am thinking directly for the ones who read this blog, rather than for myself. 

i've just in the last couple of days begun reading the journals of a much-loved writer/actor/artist named spalding gray who tragically passed away back in 2004 (sadly, he took his own life - in true spalding form, a dramatic death that involved jumping off a staten island ferry into freezing winter nyc harbor waters.  i'm still not done with my grieving over that one).  i had followed his work as quite the ardent fan; the films of his monologues Monster in a Box and Swimming to Cambodia were brilliant things that i owned in vhs form and watched over and over and over again.  i once even paid dearly for and owned a signed copy of one of his books that sadly went the way of broken relationships.  when visiting my favorite bookstore in all the world a few weeks back, i discovered that a copy of his journals is now out in beautiful hardback form, and snatched it up.  my winter reading is now fits and starts of spalding, who bares his confused and conflicted artist soul across his journal pages.  a lot of what he has said thus far rings so very true for me, in regards to posting a blog, in regards to much of how i feel; "accept yourself and move toward what you want to do.  there is nothing else in the world but this", says he, and i stop in my reading tracks and say hmm...  then i read a little more.  this is one of those books in which i find myself removing the cover so that it will not get any more creased than it was the day i brought it home, clutched to my chest, from the store.  "How forced i still am.  my whole mind is a running commentary on all that i do.  i can't turn off the comments... walking through central park the wind... the not too cold wind and the distinct shadows remind me of early spring, late winter (where the season is just ready to give itself over) i feel the wind in my face and i think i'll cry and i do and see...am aware of the way in which the first tear out of my left eye has caught and rainbowed the reflections of the afternoon sun".  see what i mean?

anyway.

back to writing a blog.  back to sharing my photographs, my writing, my artwork, my world.  it hurts a little, stupidly so, when i spend a lot of time writing one of my posts and then receive comments from readers who surface from silence to ask what camera app i'm using.  some of you have been reading this thing since its inception back in december of 2005; some of you i never hear from, but i know that you are there, reading in silence, from the corners, from the shadows.  i have one reader who posts a comment every single time i post - lovely words of encouragement and appreciation.  even though she is a friend (thanks, in large parts, to our frequent pen pal communication), and we are often in touch outside of this blog, she continues to post  comments because she is that sort of person - thoughtful, heartfelt, giving, real.  she doesn't write to ask about a technique.  she writes, unselfishly, to offer support and to let me know that she is there.  i'm always so grateful, for that.

there are times, like this morning, when i question the time that i invest in ornamental.  time spent writing and publishing these words could be time spent writing privately in a journal, or writing words for that book which refuses to surface... simply because by the time i'm done here, it is time to move on to the studio to make jewelry to sell.  after my morning walk (which i've skipped today), after writing a post, after working on photographs - whether for income or for here or for my own - there seems little time to devote to writing words for a book, when i don't know what to share, to write, to say.  i try to imagine my having something to offer in book form that hasn't been said before.  i try to do that here, as well, even when i meet myself coming again back 'round a bend in this road.  i like for my look to remain my own, for my writing style to remain mine as well.  yes, my work resembles what is out there, so much of it now.  yes, the photographs resemble one another, from each one to the next.  but they are mine.  i snap the photos, i use the apps, i transfer the photos to my laptop so that i can edit them further in photoshop.  i could tell you which apps i use - but after thinking about it, i grew perturbed that the prevailing gist of yesterday's comments towards the end were not about the writing or the content of the photos, but about which apps i use.  i realize i set myself up for this by posting what i did yesterday, by showing the original photographs then showing what i had done with them.  initially, in the evening as i cooked dinner, i wrote a couple of folks back to explain my process - but upon waking up this morning and sitting back from myself to observe my emotions, i realize it is something i really don't want to share.  does this mean i stop sharing the actual photographs here?  does it mean i don't post them at all?   i am quite the visual person, though, and the photographs serve as triggers and prompts for the very words that i write.  that's my process, here:  i capture an image, and tweak it a bit, then i write.  i post another photograph, write a little more.  and i think this is an approach, i know it is, that i use with my jewelry and art book work as well:  a component rests on my studio table, or is tucked away inside a little drawer.  i see it, i run across it while searching for something altogether different, and an idea is born.  i work with some gemstones that convey that emotion for me - a drop of rain represented by a crystal drop, a rainy day doldrum revealed in a remnant of silvery dark grey velvet.  a bundled bit of wrapped fabric and wire, and some stitches of embroidery thread convey time, and a very direct connection from the artist to her work:  taking the time to hand sew a few running stitches, or x's, into my pieces speaks volumes for the way i want my artwork to speak for itself.  there may be beads hidden on the flip side of ribbon, there are usually words on the back sides of pieces that will be seen only by the one who wears the work of art.  the words grow warm when worn next to the skin, and then become a part of that person who wears my ornaments.  i want my work to be the consummate expression of what and who i am, of how i reach out to the rest of the world.  and i do that with this blog, as well.  if i want to share with you what beads i've used, where i've found them, i'll tell you when i write about a piece.  if i want to pass along to you the apps i use for certain photographs, i'll tell you that, when the post is written.  if not, i guess it means i really don't feel like sharing that information, if i've not initially said it right up front.  i can't really say that the apps are the end-all results of what i show here, anyway; i take one app, play with it, then layer it with another, then carry that image over to my laptop where i bump up or down the lighting, the focus, the glow, the dirt and dust and specks.  it is a sometimes tedious process, but one that i relish, and it is one that i've mostly taught to myself, and a look that i'd rather not send on down the assembly line.  selfish, yes.  arrogant,perhaps.  but i'm being honest here, and for that i'll suffer, of this i am very sure.  it's happened before.  it'll happen again, if and when i publically air a stance i take, an opinion i hold.

i just want to remain true to myself, apart from whatever else i see out there, without being watered down by reflections of the artist and the person that i strive, on a moment-to-moment basis, to be.  this online world makes it oh so easy to have a "look" that then becomes a look for the next person, and the next; and then that person somewhere down the road claims a look as his or hers, calls a technique his or her own, proceeds to teach the class, writes the book, sell the work that he or she sends out into the world.  it all becomes homogenized - the art, the jewelry, the books, the work.  the apps, in particular, are certainly not mine to claim; i am not the one who developed them, who programmed them for anyone to purchase and use.  whatever i choose to do with them, the look that i strive to collectively and ultimately achieve, i hope will blend into a look that is still recognizable as - well, as my own. 

all of this makes me sad to write.  i've spent another morning trying to express myself, my dilemmas, my concerns, and can only imagine the repercussions, the ripples in the surface, that these words will invoke.  i don't do this very often - not anymore.  the price is too high.  apparently, i've earned a reputation in this particular art community as someone who speaks her mind at all costs.  i do try to remain open, though, and true.  it is not always an easy thing to do, when contemplating how much more pleasant things would be if i would just keep my irksome feelings to myself.

when i send these words - polite words, but firm - out into the vapor that exists beyond the windows that face the quiet wooded hills before me, i have to be willing to face the consequences of an inevitable reaction.  there will be words, and those words - the reactions - are far better than the silence that is so often what hovers, like wet wool or cotton. 

sigh.  at least i will know i've been heard.

 

Comments

[Sharron]

It wouldn't be your post without your heart on your sleeve. A beautiful example of an emotional and intellectual analysis of who you are and what you do. Thank you for believing that we get it.

[Sheri]

Dear Nina,
In this world, this crazy world, for those of us who are visuals and see with our heart and soul, there is very little that can touch the depths where healing awaits to happen. You, your blog, your work, your life, your art........all of these come from the depths of your heart and soul and translate to those who are lucky enough to cross your path, into medicinal art. Healing heart and soul balm. What you offer in all that you are and do is transformational, some would call it shamanic art. I don't know what app you could install to filter out the irksome, hurtful, unthoughtful nuances of the human race, but if there was one, I would buy it for you. The visual I get is that you are a pearl, a beautiful pearl, still in the shell, still growing and experiencing little bits of sand now and then. I hear you Nina. I hear what a cost it is to you to offer up your "medicine" to the world. I treasure you and hope somehow you will remain here. The work you do is valuable maybe more than you will ever know. Sending love and hugs to you and Walter and Firefly Road.

[vickie]

I read you always, but don't always comment because I often would just be repeating something lovely that someone...or many someones have already said. I will just say that I am so very grateful that by some fate I found your blog several years ago and that this is a place that I love to come to...no matter what you are blogging about I want to hear/see/savor it.
vickie in kc

[julie]

it does amaze me the time you spend on a single post - from the writing to the photos to your crazy internet connection. but in the end it is you, so you. sometimes i laugh because i can hear the words coming right out of your mouth. so post away -- the good, the bad and the rants.

[june]

Oh Nina, you need a hug and some chocolate! And a shorter winter! Hang in there honey - I care and feel a strong attachment to you as I reflect upon the poetry, honesty, and art of your words.

I really admire your talent and courage.

Roll Tide!

[kathy dorfer]

great post . you are a girl after my own
heart . that said .. been in your same shoes . i try to explain to those that ask for my sources , that part of the learning begins with the search for supplies . they need to do some homework . so i am not very popular . keep on being " yourself " is is why i keep coming back !

[Mary G.]

Dear Nina -- Rant away. It's OK.

After your post a few days ago, the one in which you retold standing in front of your mirror and telling yourself to change your life, I almost wrote to you to tell you that my father died when I was 20, at the end of my sophomore year in college. (Almost 40 years ago now, and I still have tears in my eyes.) And everything in my life turned upside-down. We all grieve in our own way, but you have been through so many stressful changes in succession, including your father's passing. So please be kind to yourself. I went through such a hard time after my father died, and a lot of what you are saying in your posts resonates in that painful place inside me. So I just say, thank you for your posts. They are so beautiful, words and pictures both. Be kind to yourself. Yes, even if there is no one there (but Walter). You have to decide how to spend your 24 hours each day, and I, for one, am glad that you choose to spend some of that time on your blog. Love, love, love.

[leighanna]

Hey girl, I just came away from reading your post with a much greater understanding & appreciation of what I really do for a living. A kinder, more gentle view of my life, at the end of the day when I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here in my sweats all day, is priceless. Please keep blogging, expressing yourself & sharing your gorgeous photos- you never know the impact that it might have on just one person. Like me. Thank you, sweetie.

[Robin N]

I don't remember how I found your blog, just that when I did your words didn't leave me.

you wrote that you walked along and found half of a black walnut and picked it up and that it reminded you of an owl face.

were you walking beside me, those many years ago, when I did the same thing? that I picked it up so that I would remember that particular moment? that I loved where I was, who I was with, the weather, the sacredness? and that the little owl's face now rests in an old porcelain dish beside my sink (along with other treasures) to remind me of that day?

I truly enjoy reading your posts and know how much time goes into them. I don't post on my blog as often as I used to--my laptop was taken 3 days before christmas and it held everything I hold dear--especially my photos. All 1o thousand of them. Photos of the animals I love and have loved; my kids and family members that have grown; the places I've visited and held on to, years and years are now gone. I now use my daughters dinged and barely-hanging-in-there laptop and I know I am blessed to have at least this to use...

maybe I will post a little something something... something that made me smile and realize that 'it' is still out there, that 'it' that makes me get up every morning.

[Teri Mahl]

I have so much to say that I think that I will email you directly because so much of what you say here is what I am feeling also. We suffer sometimes because we care so deeply and those of us that want to share the deepest parts of ourselves, bare our souls to other, take the time to produce and edit, and think...yes, just to think about this stuff takes time. I hope to be able to convey to you via email what I am feeling too. I will save the space for others to comment here.

[Christy]

I am not a jewelry artist but I read your blog for the writing and the honesty and the beauty. I am so glad that you are you and that you continue to share with us. I do not comment often but I always listen / read what you have to say! You would be very much missed if you did not or if you changed or concealed your voice!

[Jamie V]

Nina - I appreciate your words, your honest words, so much. I look forward to your photos/posts no matter what thoughts they convey - happy, sad, right or wrong! Today I'm thinking positive thoughts that I will be one of the fortunate 15 who get to attend the Red Thread Retreat! Give that doggie a squeeze for me! Jamie V in MT

[Denise S.]

I miss when you don't post but have always wondered how you manage the time to do all you do.
I don't blog and very rarely ever take pictures anymore so the hows of your work would be over my head I'm afraid.
Maybe just making posts smaller by less words and less pictures would help to free up some of your time.

I miss taking a class from you and getting to spend time with you in person.Darlin there is only one Nina and all the rest are just wannabes.
Hug the pup for me and hang in there as Spring gets nearer maybe you will come up with solutions for some of these questions bugging you.xoxox

[Karen]

So eloquently spoken, my dear. As one 50-something "the only one" to another 50-something "the only one", I totally get it. All I can say is this - never change who you are, always speak your mind and your heart and, most importantly, always be true to yourself and what makes you happy. You continue to inspire me with your honest, beautiful words, your amazing photos, your lovely jewelry and I appreciate all that you do. I may not write often but I am always here.
Love you, Karen

[Lois Venarchick]

I like the before and after photos and I do not expect you to tell me how you achieved them. The end result comes from the artist in you not mere apps. You can not teach this art of interpretation to someone else. I love reading your blog and when I sit down with my laptop in the evenings to post on my own blog, if I see you have posted, I am relaxed and happy knowing I have some sweet reading to do. Don't change. Don't stop writing or photographing or creating. thanks! Lois

[cindy o'leary]

"I just want to be true to myself"--that says it all. Isn't that what we all strive for? Thank you for sharing ALL of you with us; you're an inspiration to so many. You know I adore you. xo

[V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios]

I have been blogging for almost seven years now. My blog includes the usual types of posts, plus art, poetry, and photography. I don't spend nearly as much time on it as you do, and it is not nearly as beautiful as yours, but it is mine and it is important to me and a handful of people.

I do get discouraged by lack of readers and commentary. I do sometimes feel I have nothing new or special to say and wonder if I should say anything at all. I know there are many blogs like mine, that I'm not as unique as I'd like to think I am. Some times I feel like a commodity. I do have to censor myself and be mindful of my family and the reach of my words. Sometimes all these things together make blogging feel suffocating and pointless.

Things stagnate abit...and then the creative water turns over and I feel they're flowing again. When that happens, I am so grateful I have a place to put the results, a reason to capture a slice of my life or art.

I enjoy coming here and I'm actually relieved to learn your photographs take that much work because thinking all along that just came off your memory card and needed a quick tweak made me feel VERY inadequate with a camera. I don't have Photoshop or apps or any of that and sometimes I become frustrated that my photos don't match my inner vision. Ah, now I know just how hard it is to make that happen, and that comforts me.

Anyway, my advice is to blog when you feel compelled to, when the creative process demands public expression, when you can't wait to post something.

If it feels burdensome, let it be until it doesn't.

OR, look for sponsors, investors, advertisers who want to compensate you for who you are and what you do. Also consider that the magic that you make here leads many to your etsy shop and hopefully sells jewelry that pays the bills.

Only you know when your life is balanced. If it feels off now, well chances are it is. I hope you get bearings again soon.

[herhimnbryn]

YOu are true to yourself and that is important. It's tough sometimes and confusing (I know), but also joyful too. It's your blog and your words and images, it's your choice to share or not

We have met only once and it was your delight in everything that has stayed with me all these years.

xo dear One.

[Lorri Scott]

I have always admired you for being able to speak your mind and be true to yourself. Not many people can openly do that. It is a gift in itself and I think your blog followers and friends are so because you are the person you are and we appreciate you and all you share. xo

[tracey]

I hear ya girl! I have had a pretty rough week on my blog, having similar feelings today. I happened to write a post about how hard it is for me to talk about my work, I used a word that someone took completely out of context, and it has been a verbal battle all week. I finally put up a Townes Van Zandt song and I'm stepping away for a few days. The post took on a life of its own, and got completely off the subject that I had intended to write about. I hate it when people totally miss the point and go off on some tangent, like asking about your apps! I also don't like it when people ask me about a certain technique, if I want you to know I'll share it! I write my blog mostly to get out all of the things that start taking up most of the space in my brain. Once I write it, there's room for more thoughts and also, I have met some amazing people. I too, spend an absurd amount of time on photographs and writing. but I also wake up to orders in my inbox some days and people come to shows and so the blog is my marketing, the time it takes away from my work is just the cost of advertising I suppose. Anyway, I am very happy to have come across your blog, don't remember now how I found it, but I do enjoy reading your words and find many days that we are thinking very similar thoughts, although we blog very differently. You are just having some blue winter thoughts, only normal considering where you live!! peace....

[donna c]

I appreciated your post today Nina, more than you can know. I too make my living as an artist, commercial photographer to be specific. Today I just lost a job that I really wanted to do to someone’s neighbor’s sister’s friend who will shoot for free. There is a grand lack of appreciation for the artist, a pro’s eye, for people who make their living being creative. “You like to do it”, “Why do you charge so much?”, "It will be great exposure for you (so we don’t want to pay you).” You know the drill. It gets old. And its difficult to keep your heart soft and not become bitter and angry with those that try to take advantage of us and use us and our knowledge. Yes some longer days (more light!) and some chocolate or wine will help us feel better. But we have to gather ourselves and press on. We have been sent here “to make stuff” I always say. Keep telling us the truth of what you feel. If indeed you feel like it ;) Peace and prosperity to you.

[Dorylyn]

Amen, sister! You rock!

[Julie Whitmore]

Well, Sweetie, I'm crawling out of my badger cave to say hello, tell you I am impressed as always by your honesty and sort of stream of conciousness post that i adored because its from the heart and digs so deep and is brave.
xxx

[Beth]

In my humble opinion, I say cut back on your postings. That is way too much time and effort..above and beyond for sure.. I love reading your blog, but would be happy with a paragraph and one photo...your blog always makes me smile, and think!!!! So many of us here are your students and customers so keeping a blog generates sales I would think...but perhaps not sharing quite so much would leave you less open to inquiries and less-than-kind comments. I'm sure you hate to turn down requests & questions, etc., but I think you need to do that to retain your sanity... Give yourself the gift of time.... Beth

[Donna Joy]

In the words of my 4-yr old niece "my house, my rules!" (or blog) :)
I love reading your blog, but if it starts to feel like a job~then it's not fun-i say if you want pictures and don't feel like words-post pictures and vice-versa. You will never please everyone-just remember it's YOUR blog and you do it your way~I just admire the fact that you can put yourself out there because lord knows i sure couldn't~ :)

[susan]

Oh, Nina - this post must have been very difficult for you to write. Your beautiful photo at the start - the heart stone resting on the open book, with the words "whether I love her more than I need her or need her more than I love her" - touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.
I spent a good chunk of this afternoon writing you a very long note - then, it would not post for some reason or another - and, then I somehow lost it.
So, here I am again - just wanting to let you know that I understand what you are feeling and I wish I could give you a hug (and help with that laundry). You need to reclaim your life for yourself and let go of obligations that are wearing you down. If that means not posting for awhile (or even stopping), than that is what you need to do. I've often wondered how you do everything you do - you are an amazing woman.
I would miss you dearly if you chose to stop writing - you have become such a part of my everyday. I feel as if we are close friends, although we've never met. But, because of you, Nina, my life is so much richer. Thank you.

xo dusan

[Tina in McLeansville]

well. ok then. quite a lot to digest, but it needed to be said...if it was inside of you, eating away valuable space and energy, something so very important to you, then it needed to be said...to be released. it's part of your passion. do what you must to be true to you....in the end, that's the only person you have to answer for. yes, we see a glimpse of you...but we also see glimpses of life (and A life) we may not see otherwise. what you're doing here is giving us a gift...and somehow, sometime, that giving will go full circle. when it has, you'll know...and an end will also be a beginning. take some time....wait for those changes you were talking about that will happen this year....then look at it fresh. no matter what you do, it won't change who you are. and that's the reason we're all here anyway. hugs to you...xoxo

[Adrienne]

I've been following for 5 years, I don't always comment, and miss you while your gone....why? Because of posts like this!!!

FRIGGIN LOVE IT!!!!!

You've got more guts than me, one time, one time, I shared something personal on my blog and the backlash I got from my very own family was unbelievable. I swore that day I would never again use my blog to share how I really felt about anything. Ever since I maintained a blog of my art and life that felt fake and manufactured, striving to "fit in" with the mixed media world. I've even thought of creating a new blog and not letting any of my friends and family in on it so I could really be me.

[Leigh Williams]

Thank you, Nina, for lifting me from part time crafter to full time artist.

[Dale]

I am one of those that reads quietly, loves the way you express yourself but largely remain quiet. I know that when I create a piece of art whether jewelry or a painting...whatever. I get perturbed that the first thing I am asked is, "How did you make that?" and/or " How long did that take you to make?" I want to scream sometimes. Really? Is that what you find most interesting about my work? If what I create stirs up such trivial questions I wonder if I should be creating in the first place. I know that fortunately not everyone is this way and I will keep creating because I just must. But thank you Nina for taking me with you on your walks and allowing me to see your surroundings through your eyes.

[Diana B]

None of us can be all things to all people, even if we had the time to try, so forget about the backlash and remember that most of us "get" you and are just happy you choose to communicate with us this way. Nothing obliges you to respond to questions and those who are offended when you don't (or when you speak your mind and it doesn't jibe with their way of thinking) don't matter. Why waste a second of your precious life concerning yourself with that?

[Molly Vollmer]

Please don't stop speaking your mind. If someone I'm talking to doesn't speak their mind I don't know where they are, and if I don't know where they are, I don't know wwere I am. You might be in the throes of a problem coming to a hesd - or it could be what my uneducated but insightful grandmother called "the streak of melancholy than runs in our family" type of thing:) Rest assured that we are deeply affected by your words and we are helped to understand ourselves.

[SusanS]

The guy over at whistecreek.blogspot.com had a recent entry about why he blogs that was kinda cool.

The blog phenom has opened up a new frontier of how we connect to one another. I mean, are you my friend just because I invited you over for a margarita the very first time I read an entry? Never mind that I was in Mexico and you were who knows where. Do I really know you just because I had springers and you have springers and my kids collect heart rocks for me and your kids do for you and your daddy died and so did mine?
Am I a butthead and would you get all huffy if I had actually posted on yesterday's entry what I was really thinking? What popped into my head and out of my fingies was "you and Walter are really gonna miss that place when you go" Then I deleted. You haven't said a word about moving, but in my reading between the lines I have lept to my own conclusions AS IF I KNOW YOU. Which I don't.

But still, most winter evenings I think, "I used to hate winter, now I don't, Nina" and when the balloons start to fly in October I have a mini thought that I invite you to come and I babysit Walter while you take flight.

All that being said, I'm headed into the kitchen now for either a martini or a cup of tea. Wanna come over?

[annar]

I love your blog, I love your pictures, I love your words!

[Katherine Langford]

Ornamental is a virtual art piece from the core of you - wonderful, questioning, growing, vital NINA. It is the gateway to an understanding of the methodology behind your creative muse and the visual art you create. I see it as a portal to your art, your ideas, your soul. I don't know what I would do without your poignant and very visceral questioning and growth as it often mirrors so much of what so many of us feel.
For you these verses -- a small payment back for your beauty made visible and viable.
For Nina- log (xy) = log x + log y

I float knowing that the same cry of loss rhymes with the breath-
An exhalation used to produce this ululation upon the night sky. . .
Perhaps this x and y places me in some graphing pattern?
Haunted and made by chaos unknown, but felt viscerally.
Aulis to Ithaca of sorts and log (xy) = log x - log y.
Journey forth and know the answers come. . .
As sure as a nautilus chamber houses life.

Much love to your spirit - much respect for you as a human being of exquisite beauty and sou. Plain and simple -- you rock.

[Ginger Davis Allman]

Nina, I am a new lurker who found you on a google search for "indigo bunting feathers" of all things. I've been absorbing and delighting in your posts for about a month now. You inspire me with your quiet wisdom, your delicious tapestry of visual words, your peace (even if you don't feel at peace). For all of that...thank you so much for sharing. I have to say you're my very favorite blog and I do follow many of them.

Anytime you create something and release it into the world, it becomes part of others. Most of us are thankful for it. But some people subtly begin to think of that work as something they have a right to. I don't think it's intentional and it's due to the tremendous sharing we do in our internet world. But people forget that artists don't always want to share their techniques and that you aren't obligated to give tutorials just because they want to know how things are done. You don't need to apologize for keeping yourself to yourself. It's your right. And it's especially important because you're making money from your art. It's your intellectual property, after all.

Your blog is a treasure, to be sure. And it IS an asset to your brand, to your art, to the selling of your art. So don't stop blogging. Please. You're creating art here, too.

[Mellisa]

I'm usually a non-commenter when there are already a gaggle of eloquent comments...I don't do soulful, poignant, brilliant comments...I don't do soulful, poignant, brilliant blog posts either...so I often have crickets chirping on my blog. I suppose the upside of that is I rarely have negative comments of any kind (which if I had, would crush my spirit).

I never cease to be amazed though how commenters on other blogs feel entitled to leave snippy, nosy, or downright inflammatory messages on a post...would they come into your living room and say it to your face? Why is a blog any different at all??

You should do what makes YOU content and all the others can suck lemons :)

[Hazel]

Nina...you've been through some very difficult life changes, you live alone, you live in isolation, it's winter, and depression can slip in between these cracks so very easily. Give time and care to yourself now, not to your readers.

A short, simple post and one created photo will suffice to communicate with us and keep your jewellery sales going.

Everything you do in life becomes ART and you give it your ALL, whether it's making a cup of tea, walking down the road with Walter, making a necklace...or writing and photographing for your blog. But still, you need to ease off for now...for your peace of mind and your healing. Keep it going in some form but keep it simple. We'll be here.

Do realize that in today's world technology gets all mixed up with real life. Comments from readers you'll never meet, emails to and from strangers, selling your artwork over the internet...it's real but it's not real, and can be disorienting at a time when you need simplicity and old-fashioned plain living.

I hope that all these thoughtful comments from your fans have helped to ease your heartache. (((hugs)))

[ellen]

I am just me. I do art for what it does for my soul. I do not sell it, I just do it. What a love about your posts is that you are so real, honest, care and love deeply about what is important to you. i volunteer teaching art to children. We lost a beautiful child to cancer today and your post has really helped me today. Thank you

[Jillayne]

So many thoughts and feelings expressed in your post - easy to feel your frustration. I think we have to feel free to blog about what we are thinking, truly thinking, or it becomes a chore.
What you say and the frequency of your postings is for you to decide and I am happy to hear whatever you choose to say whenever you choose to cast it out. But at the end of it all, it doesn't matter what any of us thinks - it matters what you want.
Your blog is about your art and you already share more than many artists... there will always be people who will want to pick your brain about the how-tos and where-fores; it's far easier to ask someone how than to do the hard work yourself. Sharing that you created something is more than enough - sharing how you did it is not necessary.
Posts like this are why I love blogs like yours.

[stephanie]

I can see in my mind those stripes of light of yours and can imagine them sprinting across a table while you spend time sharing here. It's like a rabbit hole some days, isn't it...? I hope you feel lightened by unloading your weighty burdens for compassionate ears to hear. As has been said a million times before by loyal readers of yours, you have many, many known and unknown friends who wish for every happiness for you in your words, your art and your life. For what it's worth, I am one of those people.

[sandra]

you are right on...your ornamental work is so beautiful that saying "beautiful" doesn't even touch the surface. I've run out of adjectives and most of all you're my friend in spirit, whom I never met, but feel we are in the same space. And then, sometimes when you meet people things are ruined. The wonderful thing about the net, acknowledging also that it can be too transparent at times, is that one, like me, does not judge you by those "external" things, nuances in movement, nuances in ways. The power you have to reach ones heart through words and images is not on the charts--but off of it. whatever you do, know that I'm there listening and being touched. If not the words, the ornaments I've chosen speaks volumes. As long as you are happy that is what counts. I hear ya my net friend.

[karen connelly]

I read for the beauty and art and truth and soul and insight and the struggle for insight you share, and I am thankful for being able to turn to you at the end of the day. Your struggles are not unlike those of us out here in the blogosphere, but how can you know when I am silent? I love it all, but am most moved by your turn of a phrase(your last full paragraph of this entry is a case in point) that often makes me go back and read it again and again, and I hope you find a way to continue to share. Don't think that your work is just more of the same. Would that it were.

[Suzanne Lee]

My daughter and I have a small shop where we do many handmade things that result from many years of trial and error techniques. Many people come simply to look and copy. Sometimes we give instruction and sometimes we don't, depending on mood, day, attitude or the way the moon and stars line up. You're too hard on yourself!!!! As my man says "You don't owe people your birthday Honey". I love your blog and would be very sad for it not to exist. It's the first that I go to, always, so please don't leave us.

[Maria C.]

The previous comment pretty much said it - you are too hard on yourself. I love your blog and the love you so graciously share with us - your love of nature, family, Walter and your beautiful art. We all have a part that is ours alone, a part we don't want to share; maybe it doesn't make sense to others, but then, it doesn't have too.
You give us so much; I wish there was something I could return to you. Your thoughtful jewelry piece still calms me in my grief for Benji. We love you for who you are, so don't even try to be anything other then true to yourself.
God Bless You and hold you in the palm of his hand.

[wendy cooper]

In the words of Hugh Prather.......my prayer is I will be what i will be and I will do what i do........all i want to do, need to do, is stay in rhythm with myself, all i want is to do what i do and not try to do what i don't do.
Just do what i do, just keep pace with myself. Just be what i will be. I will be what i will be, but i am now what i am and here is where i will spend my energy.
I need all my energy to be what i am today. Today i will work in rhythm with myself and not with what i should be, and to work in rhythm with myself i must keep tuned to myself.
There is part of me that wants to write, a part that wants to theorize, a part that wants to sculpt a part that wants to teach.
To force myself into a single role, to decide to be just one thing in life would kill off large parts of me.
Rather i recognize that i live now and only now, and i will do what i want to do this moment and not what i decided was best for me yesterday....

[wendy cooper]

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind........

[elysse]

Hi Nina,
it was an unpleasant experience to wake up this morning to your negative post and in particular your mention of people who read your blog but don't leave comments. I've been extremely ill with chronic fatigue for over a decade. I'm talking having to spend large parts of the day in bed, struggling to make meals, etc. My energy system is fragile although I'm not a fragile person. Reading your blog was a small part of many strategies I have to keep my life positive and meaningful. I've used my physical difficulties as part of a spiritual path, I have a rich and creative inner life. You've made it clear I'm not welcome to read your blog unless I conform by leaving comments that assuage your insecurities. I'm too ill to live with the pressure that I have to write or teacher will disapprove and periodically blow a fuse.You could make it a blog where people have to register to gain access, although, really, it's not other peoples reactions that are so important as much as as you needing to know why you're writing and being strong in that.
Deciding to play the part of the poor misunderstood artist (i.e. too sensitive to be asked about phone apps) is a dangerous path, it leads to self-pity, negativity and onto depression and worst case scenario, well, you saw it with Spalding Grey.
There is a more positive way to go; to be the role model, the inspirer, freely giving your talent for expressing the sacred in nature and showing how it's expressed creatively through words, jewellery and photos. Not doing it to be important, but because we live in a world desperate for your perspective.
If you have an inspiring book in you it won't come about by being negative or blaming others. It will flow organically, like the river, from your love of nature and an expanded heart.
As you say , this is your conflict to work on but I don't want to be hurt by it. It pains me deeply that you can live blessed by the presence of a river, of wild deer, a coyote, birds and mountains and then complain. How i would love to be living in the bush again with the wombat, possums, echidnas etc but due to circumstances I can't. Don't be a fool, you have so many talents and blessings, you have to know it and believe it, for they can just slip out of your life if you don't cherish them.

[Debi]

i don't want to know how you made the magic. i don't give a flying flip about apps or which f-stop you used (my personal favorite annoying question). i just want you to say what you want when you want how you want. or not.

you have had a hard year - are still in its midst. i lost my mother 11 months ago - it makes me question everything. it makes everything more important and less important. sometimes it makes me eat baby ruth bars for supper when people tell me i should have something healthy. but here's the thing. healthy is relative. sometimes that baby ruth bar keeps me going. sometimes it means i write 10 words instead of 500. screw the rules.

so you do what you have to. you come first. we care about you. you come first.

[linda]

your blog always has drawn me in as if i were sitting by the fire for a time with you and that special dog, rocking in your chair over by the window. i know how you feel as an artist, a writer, a woman living alone deep in a wooded world that echoes every birdsong. i admire your tenacity and beautiful spirit. as long as you are here, i shall wander by to peek in and ponder your thoughts you leave written for us all...

xxx

[delila]

i thought of you Nina so much when i saw the pine woodland faraway tinted with shades of dusk yesterday. you are such a dear being. i do admire how you pour your heart in this blog, how you share your life. i do love to hear from yo Nina, keep contact with you via blog and e-mails. i love to see your woods, read about your walks through the woods. you are loved Nina as you are. i do not mind a bit when you are writing "boldly" sometimes. you have a right to write what ever you want to!!!

this week every post i have written in my blog have been deleted or saved as drafts later the day. i have been shy to express myself in my blog. few days a go i was writing that i need to have a little winter silence, to think what i truly want to express with my blog and in the end of that post i asked from the readers what they most want to read about my blog. that post was deleted also.

it surprised me how much time it takes when you are writing your blog. but i can see how lovingly you are writing the words, how lovingly you have edited the photographs. i see Nina in your photos, your signature on them, like everything else you do.

[Di]

Here's me, in Belgium, the New Zealander who adores the glimpse she knows she is privileged to have into your world. I've just returned from Italy and was in need of you and your way of being, as always.
I have nothing to offer except this love I have for your words and your art, and your sharing with those of us who love to come spend time here with you.
xo

[glòria]

I ADMIRE you, capital letter. You are one of the most honest, sensitive and creative person I 'know'. I've been reading your blog for about a year and honestly I don't care what app you use as long as I have the honour of enjoying your photos. Thanks for sharing YOU with us!

[Jennifer Valentine]

i never come up with anything wondeful-wordy and well rounded and ethereal to say...so i often say nothing...
i am one of the quiet readers, checking in on you in the quiet spaces of my life that are few...
i'll simply say today, that i think you are extraordinary in so many ways...your work, your words, and your courage make life a more meaningful experience for so many like me; here on the other side of the looking glass. thank you for your presence here...you are unconditionally loved.

[cathy @ ma vie trouvee]

I am one of those trusty followers for years.....leaving a message here and there. Cathy from Brussels...Now Cathy from Singapore. You gave up some of your treasures and are feeling the loss....Don't give up your blog. I think it will make you very very sad and we don't want that : ) I am one who loves when you show your jewelry and art work. It is so stunning,,,so inspirational. All I can ask is .....please don't stop. Take a month break - invite guest bloggers for this period...but don't stop. Regards - Cathy

[lorelei eurto]

I come to read your blog for many different reasons. But I too never generally comment because I feel like I could never quite say it as beautifully as some. I never got the feeling that your post was telling readers that they have to comment. I didn't get that at all. What I take away from this post is that you want to be appreciated for all the work and time that you put into it. I can completely relate to that being a regular blogger. I say, keep doing what you're doing. As as Mellisa said, everyone else can suck the lemons.

[irene]

I rarely comment on your posts, but often read your words, and enjoy your photos, your art, your view on life. You are one of those lovely souls out there on the internet that never stops to amaze me with your generosity! And here I am, a 50 yo woman, living on a small island (I bet even more in the middle og nowhere than your place:) - on the other side of the world, and I found you, always finding inspiration and comfort in reading your blog, isn't it wonderful, this internet-thing? Just wish I could offer something in return, but I only have these words....

[Barbara]

I really appreciate your blog, Nina and this post. I come here day after day to be inspired by your photos and your writing and your work.

I admire that you set boundaries for yourself with your work and your art. It is something that I think about more and more for myself, and the way I react/interact with others.I continually pause more and more to think about these things, and it is a sometimes draining and soul-sucking thing.

Thank you for being so honest and thank you for sharing so much with us.

[Tami B.]

Your blog is always authentic and true. Refreshing!

[Beth McLarnan]

Hi Nina, LOVE LOVE LOVE what you write, what you make and how you express yourself. Big southern hug from Georgia! Beth

[Kelley Wenzel]

I always enjoy coming to your blog, reading your words and soaking in the photographs you choose to share. I love the space you have created. That is true and authentic to you.

It is a shame some people forget this is your space and turn your posts around to be about them and their disappointment...forgetting that most of our mother's taught us to keep our mouths shut if we have nothing nice to say about others.

I hope you keep blogging and sharing your corner of the mountains with us. And that the ones with unkind words remember they have the choice to not return.

[Elizabeth]

Am new to your blog but have enjoyed it since I found it. Words of advice given to me years ago come to mind after reading your novella. Great passion equals great paid. If you love hard you hurt large. A prayer and praise go out to you today.

[Elizabeth]

oops *pain*

[eKo Art]

I am one of those people who has read your blog for years but only recently left a comment (not sure what took me so long!). I hope that you'll continue the blog. I find such comfort and inspiration from both your words and images. Thank you for opening up and sharing the beauty of your life and work. xoxo

[Cathy Wegner]

I'm here, Nina. I don't post a lot but I love reading your beautiful words and drooling over your beautiful jewelry. Sending you a hug!

[joy conklin]

oh, i very much enjoy your blog, all the ups and downs of your life. how you are willing to open your heart to all the strangers in the world, i admire. i too am an artist and the quote,"accept yourself and move toward what you want to do." jumped off the page at me! i feel stifled right now the only one holding me back, myself. i just recently entered some drawings into a gallery, i feel so volnerable and judged, i don't know how you do it. i will stop judging myself by anothers eyes this year and do my art for myself, thats all that matters. and please keep putting yourself out there for all to see because you are an inspiration and give at least one of us wings...

[Lori Burek]

Nina, you have the truest heart and soul I know. You have those feelings because you unlike so many others never stop to look into their hearts. I respect your words and feelings with some you never know what they really are thinking. As for your look I can see too the folks who jump from one look to another just keeping up with the times - they are too "busy" to know who they are. There are people who make art to sell then there are people who make it because if they do not their souls will burst - you are one of them. For me it has never been about the money but the love of it - about sharing me with the world, so I can understand where you are coming from. I know you love the MT.s but for some reason I see you near water or at the beach - seems like you get energy there. Maybe that was a dumb thing to say? Anyway don't know what to say but thank you for your words - I think about them through out the day and they give me inspiration along with your photos and jewelry. Hugs! Lori B.

[Terri]

Hi Nina! I am not sure I have ever commented on your beautifully written thoughts and words. I have a daily task set in my calendar to come seek inspiration from Nina. I can't tell you how much your blog is truly appreciated by me personally and by so many that others that stay in the shadows. I admire your honesty, your opinions (whether they are the same as mine or not), and your immense talent to continuely make me want to be as create as you are. You give me the opportunity to break out of my daily 7a-4p ho-hum grind and follow you along your walks and journeys. I really do hope you continue to share your life with all of us. You really do make a difference to me every day.

[Ina]

I really loved the pictures you posted yesterday. You share so much with us. Do we have to know every detail of how you did it? NO--everyone needs to find their own path of who they are and what they want to achieve in life. Ina

[rusted wings]

my heart has resonated with yours for so long nina, though my responses have many times been hidden with reflection in quiet, long valleys that i walk alone as a single mother who has struggled to survive and raise 6 children, because of the most tragic circumstances imaginable. thank you for always being there nonetheless, and for sharing from the deepest places of your heart. you have been a strength, support and inspiration to me and so many.
i am learning on this journey to love unreservedly, to give expecting nothing in return, to give freely as i've freely received of the blessings, to find beauty out of the ashes of pain and loss, finding freedom in surrender and release. being authentic and true is part of this journey of understanding.
mother teresa so truly said and did...'i have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.'
love, prayers & warm hugs,
abigail

[Sharon W]

Elysse said it so well. I think you need to give some deep thought as to why you write the blog. If you find burdonsome the time/energy you invest, and you are annoyed by your readers' efforts to express interest or involvement in your efforts, then perhaps a blog is not what you need. Perhaps you simply need to keep a journal, where you can pour out your sadness and work through the pain. I am not writing this in criticism or anger, but simply as a now-former follower who--like Elysse--senses that you are not talking WITH us but rather AT us.

[Alisa Logue]

Keep on sharing your heart. Sharing the echoes of the heart are what makes life real, tangible, not just a fleeting vapor. -Alisa

[Laurie G. (flickr morningk)]

I check your blog every day. It helps ground me after a day of crazy. The pics and nature and creative endeavors mainly, reminding me there is beauty, and weather, and wonder just outside my door and artistry inside me needing to get out. And cherishing simple things with my boys as they grow into men. Thank you very much for what you do.

[missy]

Dear Nina,
I fell in love with your words and art many years ago thru one of the first issues
of Somerset Studio. I check your blog everyday....a rewarding ritual! I don't comment very often as others(more eloquently)do a good job.All you can do
is all you can do. So keep doing it. It is
appreciated.
Missy from the bayou

[missy bendiksen]

wow...nina....look how many people love you and your work. you inspire me because you are human....not because you are perfect....and certainly not because you are "up" all the time. it is not your job to take care of anyone but yourself. the benefit for the rest of us who know you is watching the way you live your life with its ups and downs with such grace. your honesty and willingness to share is all the inspiration i need.
i liked spaulding gray also for the same reasons.
i recently found these words:

Here is the world.
Beautiful and terrible things will happen.
Don't be afraid.
(Fred Buechner)

love you like i love the wind in the trees,
missy in houston

[Boot~C]

I read on my reader, so I don't leave many comments, good thing since I might not have made the right fawning comment. Or asked a question.I think I'll leave you to your blog & stop following since I am not the perfect reader you seem to require.

[Frankie Kins]

Dearest Nina: SCREW the ones who don't get it! My day is not complete without a dose of Ornamental, but then you already know that. Your words are like the Balm of Gilead (talked about in scriptures) to me, a warm ointment to my spirit. Thank you for pouring yourself out for the benefit of others, including little ole me. I have never thought for one minute that you were talking "at" me. Jeezo-Pete, there are some people that just need to quit blog hopping.
Frankie

[Just Jane]

Those who would be hurt or angry by what you've written, can only see how this is (erroneously) about them rather than this post - this blog - being about you.

You write beautifully, freely, and graciously. Thank you. Your time is appreciated and, most often, quietly admired.

[Cynthia]

Love your blog and love, love, love this post!! This is why I consider you to be awesome- that you will discuss the sometimes challenging aspects of pursuing a creative vocation. I am one (of what I would assume to be many) who hopes to one day be able to purchase a book written by you. Beautiful work and beautiful words....magical!

[LindaE]

oy...since when is speaking your mind a negative thing? there are countless cookie cutter blogs out there to read. you've never struck me as a person who cares about pleasing, for the sake of popularity. i can always count on Ornamental for rich, evocative writing, reality, gorjus jewelry that makes my VISA card run for it's life, and yes - photos that make me want to live in the middle of "freaking nowhere." so carry on, and poo to the naysayers. regarding your book - chuckle - as IF you have nothing to say! and since there is only 1 Nina, it will be a doozy, no doubt...filled with beauty and truth.

[Lorelei Eurto]

There is nothing worse than writing your heart out about your feelings, taking the time to photograph your life and art, and sharing it on a public blog, just for someone to ask about how you did something or where you bought a bead. I like to share my sources mostly because I will never be a designer who keeps lots of secrets and makes it seem like I made every last inch of a necklace. Not when I know that a bead designer took the time to create something from their heart and would love the recognition. We're all artists. And I love to support them! My point is, people read blogs for different reasons. And it seems clear to me that some people read blogs to siphon that creative energy from someone else so that they don't have to do their homework. Sorry, had to say it. eek!

[patrice]

I'm a long time fan of your blog. I apologize for rarely ever commenting. I'd like to thank you for every pic and word posted. I hope .. selfishly, that you continue. I wish you a gentle day.

[Sue]

I look forward to your blog, whether it is photos or just words. You are what I want to be when I grow up (I'm 60). Hang in there.

[Phillipa]

I love to read your posts. I'm sorry, I'm one of the ones who lurks in the shadows, following heaps of blogs and feeling inadequate when It comes to saying something, so alot of the time I dont.
But this post of yours and reading the comments, makes me realise that an awful lot of us are in the same/similar boat.
i have a blog with followers but i rarely hear from them, and I now know others are the same.
Its just that you are brave enough to put your words/feelings out into the world. i wish I could do the same.
I relate to alot of what you say, but if its feeling like a "job", the editing etc. dont do it as often. Yur the boss. :)
We will all still follow along. If you loose anyone, then thats their loss.

Lots of hugs and copious amounts of chocolate from a reader at the bottom of the planet.

[SJMcClelland]

I came across your blog for the first time today. Was really stuck by the authenticity or your words. I am a new blogger who has yet to receive negative comments about what I have written. I am constantly amazed at what people will say online - as if the anoynmity of the internet/FB, etc excuses them from being respectful and tolerant.

I plan to read your blog from here on in (have already added you to my favourites), so I hope you do continue to blog about what's on your mind and how you feel.

[Hope Amen]

Nina,
I appreciate all the time you take in all that you do. In the end; do what feels right to you and keep true to yourself. You do that. I love you.
Hope

[Sharyn]

A follower from 'down under'. Love reading your blog, and the photography is stunning, especially when we are in our very opposite seasons!!
Just remember.......this above all, to thine own self be true........ X

[Nancy Krampf]

dear sweet nina, did you know how i worried when you were not posting????? i was very concerned about your mental health, i was worried about your boys and your sister and your momma.

do you know why ? well its because of your humanness , it's because you shared so much always helping me manage my own humanness.

you show all of us of our interconnectedness. we all have these life's experiences.

you are a wisdom keeper and as one you must share your wisdom in whatever form its manifests.

your photos have inspired me, spoke to me, told me stories, helped me remember my own stories. i truly would be lost without your honesty.

honesty, something missing in many blogs.

i wish the presents of light and love on your path as you continue your earthly travels in what ever form you choose.
x0x00xx000xxxxx00x

[Rebecca Anderson]

Your blog, your space Nina - your 'intellectual property' and we're just glad you're here. Your blog is the most beautiful one that I follow, in so many ways, and I know that even if I had your apps, had photoshop, had the same camera, was actually good at taking photos(!), my photos wouldn't look like yours because they are, or at least seem to me, so very 'you'. They are part of the fabric of Ornamental and like your jewellery, they seem to breathe emotion, out through my computer. If you need to take a step back from your little space here sometimes, then that's what you should do. You have no obligation to us readers, only yourself. Thank you for your beautiful honesty. x x x

[Jill Cooper]

In the end it's YOUR blog to do with and share what YOU want. And comments are just comments - sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes supportive - or not. There are no comment police that say you have to answer one. Art IS emotion and it's emotion you've chosen to share with us. We are lucky in that. I think alot of times we see a technique and think "oh if only I could do that". Well, if we put the work into it (like you do) we probably could. But people are in such a darned hurry over everything anymore that they don't want to put forth the effort. Oh well, TOO BAD! You just keep creating and sharing - we love that.

[Lorraine]

You ROCK! You are one amazing woman Nina. XO

[Mary]

I so enjoy reading your prose and looking at your lovely creations and photos. You don't need to edit yourself to appease anyone. And you don't need to explain yourself or your techniques. I'm honored to read whatever you want to share. You're exceptional.

[Sharon]

~I'm listening....~

[Kate]

Nina - your blog is a tapestry of your life and you need all shades to enrich its beauty. I love your words and pictures - your life is rich and I love the way you share with your readers. I don't need to know the how's and whys or what ap you used I am just inspired by what you do - in fact I would love a book of your posts - it would be sensational. I still treasure the pictures of hands my students took based on your beautiful photo. Always remember how loved and admired you are by your readers xxxx

[Patricia Walters]

Your writing is magical. You are magical. Your work is awesome. I am continually amazed at your passion and humanity and envious of how you see the world.

I learn so much about myself through your sharing of yourself and I am thankful for every blog post, photo, and quotation.

When someone is negative or uncaring in response to your sharing, it's not about you. It's just how some people approach the world.

I love you just the way you are. Your soul glows so brightly.

Thank you.
Patricia

[gloria martin]

Dearest Nina,
Your words are as meaningful as everything else you create. I never go for more than a few days without visiting your blog. Every post is always eloquent, insightful, powerfully inspirational, and so you....very special YOU!!!! xo

[Emily]

please, please don't ever change.........

[Gretchen Schaumann]

Count the numbers Nina... The majority of your readership love you, support you, maybe don't always understand or get what you may be feeling, but still love you for your honesty, whom you are and what you are sharing about your life. I too have struggled with similar things, but on a much smaller scale and it can really be burdensome. You need to learn to let your Spirit lead you and only share those things that you feel led to share freely. Your art is your life, your soul and your creative mind coming forth and it is INCREDIBLE. I stumbled upon you via etsy somehow today, but in the past would find you via publications that you'd shared in and when my old computer crashed I lost my blog roll and most of my info stored, and you were sadly one of those I'd lost contact with. I am now going to be one of your new readers and will replace one of those that may have chosen to unfollow... I know this...it is their loss totally and my gain.
Your art is so unique, so moving to me, and so very beautiful. I truly love your designs, your photography techniques you use in your blogging and listing and you inspire me to be a more thoughtful, nature loving, openly honest and creative person through your sharing of your art and life. Life is not perfect, and too many have a mask on their blogs. It's refreshing when someone like you bares their soul. I feel like you are a long lost friend.
So, in short, I will pray for you that you gain the insight and direction of what you need to do for Nina. I like many others have stated from a selfish stand point would HATE to see you give up your writings, but respect you enough to support you in your choice. I'd be sad though, but better me than you...
Be blessed Nina and know that this follower is praying for you and lifting you up... right where you're at.
Gretchen~

[A Facebook User]

Good for you. A facebook friend posted a link and I found this post to be all she advertised and more. I admire the strength of spirit you have shown and look forward to reading more from you.

[Ailsa Willis]

We care deeply for you Nina and are with in spirit whether you see a post from us or not. Your writing and creativity brighten our day and we are blessed by your generous sharing of yourself.
Love and hugs.