photo of gathered rainwater taken this morning along the river trail with my iPhone - app used is ScratchCam, sent to my laptop and further edited with photoshop (changed contrast, lighting, saturation, hue, focus, cropped, resized) the process is winding, the end result is different every time.
i wanted to write a little thank you this morning to each and every one of you who took the time to write a comment about my "novella", as one reader called it (i love that!) that i posted yesterday. i'm not sure where that all came from - but it did bubble up from somewhere, and it had been a rough night of sketchy off and on sleep, it was a difficult morning getting out of bed when the persistent rainy weather has made these bones ache more than usual. all of that paved a mental road that led to the post i wrote yesterday, which you have to admit is unusual for me - the venting, the complaining. i do like to keep things pleasant and peaceful here, as much as i can. i am human, i do have emotions, and i feel things very deeply. i am the author of this blog, this place you can come and read what i share if you like. and if you don't like what i have to say, if it rubs you so rawly that you feel a need to write and say that you won't be back - two of you said this, if you are still reading - then, by all means, go find another place where you will feel rewarded and welcome. i don't keep this blog as a place where i expect everyone to write and tell me how wonderful they may think i am; that's a very saccharine and artificial approach to life that repels me as much as it ought to repel you. i like to keep things open and authentic here, which means that sometimes i will out of nowhere write about feelings that are not all rosy and sweetness and fluff.
i don't know - maybe i need to pull that post, maybe i ought to close the comment section. there are naysayers, clearly, who do come here to read - to make themselves feel better, unless of course i've touched a nerve and triggered a response that makes them leave a comment for the very first (and last) time. but if i pulled the previous post, if i closed the comment link, i don't think it would be in the spirit of what i strive in this life to be. i've always been up front with how i feel, and there have been many in my personal life who've suffered the consequences. i am not easy. i am not compliant. i am who i am, what i am, and that is sometimes difficult for those in close proximity. you out there who are reading this, you who come here to see the photos, to read the words, to view the artwork, will sometimes get a mixed bag of contents. most of you will appreciate the ebb and the flow. some of you will not.
blogs are funny things. ten years ago, i'd never heard of one. never did i dream that i'd be making so public much of what i'd kept so private, in the past. i live a quiet life, doing what i feel is the right thing to do. placing myself in a fish bowl for all to see, for all to accept or to reject, is something that would have felt completely foreign in the years i lived without a computer, when i functioned with the telephone and the postal service serving as my only means with which to communicate. these days, i still live a quiet life, i still work alone and live alone and spend my time making artwork that i continue to sell for a living. but in the past twelve years, i've become more of a public person through publications, through teaching, and now, through this blog. i have to try to maintain that fragile balance of public and private, i must walk the thin line that divides my life here at home and the self that is thrown out there for anyone to view, to read, to judge, to accept, to spurn. it is your choice. i'm ever grateful that you continue to come back here to read, that you let me know you are there, that i have a loyal following, that i am able to work from home, to write about it, to share with you my ups and my downs without (usually) having to defend myself for being sometimes a little too open with how i might be feeling on a difficult day.
i've heard from so many of you in the last twenty four hours.... i've received private emails from those who wrote about the photographs, each of them very supportive and deeply appreciative for what i do here. their letters were understanding and grateful, and they will keep coming back to visit here. i am more grateful than i can say that they each took the time to write. as for those few of you whose exposed nerves i seem to have jabbed, i truly hope that you'll be able to find the solace you seek, wherever life will take you. and i hope that somewhere along the way, you were able to find a little peace here. maybe a little. i do wish you well.