thank you

  photo of gathered rainwater taken this morning along the river trail with my iPhone - app used is ScratchCam, sent to my laptop and further edited with photoshop (changed contrast, lighting, saturation, hue, focus, cropped, resized)  the process is winding, the end result is different every time.

i wanted to write a little thank you this morning to each and every one of you who took the time to write a comment about my "novella", as one reader called it (i love that!) that i posted yesterday.  i'm not sure where that all came from - but it did bubble up from somewhere, and it had been a rough night of sketchy off and on sleep, it was a difficult morning getting out of bed when the persistent rainy weather has made these bones ache more than usual.  all of that paved a mental road that led to the post i wrote yesterday, which you have to admit is unusual for me - the venting, the complaining.  i do like to keep things pleasant and peaceful here, as much as i can.  i am human, i do have emotions, and i feel things very deeply.  i am the author of this blog, this place you can come and read what i share if you like.  and if you don't like what i have to say, if it rubs you so rawly that you feel a need to write and say that you won't be back - two of you said this, if you are still reading - then, by all means, go find another place where you will feel rewarded and welcome.  i don't keep this blog as a place where i expect everyone to write and tell me how wonderful they may think i am; that's a very saccharine and artificial approach to life that repels me as much as it ought to repel you.  i like to keep things open and authentic here, which means that sometimes i will out of nowhere write about feelings that are not all rosy and sweetness and fluff.

i don't know - maybe i need to pull that post, maybe i ought to close the comment section.  there are naysayers, clearly, who do come here to read - to make themselves feel better, unless of course i've touched a nerve and triggered a response that makes them leave a comment for the very first (and last) time.  but if i pulled the previous post, if i closed the comment link, i don't think it would be in the spirit of what i strive in this life to be.  i've always been up front with how i feel, and there have been many in my personal life who've suffered the consequences.  i am not easy.  i am not compliant.  i am who i am, what i am, and that is sometimes difficult for those in close proximity.  you out there who are reading this, you who come here to see the photos, to read the words, to view the artwork, will sometimes get a mixed bag of contents.  most of you will appreciate the ebb and the flow.  some of you will not.

blogs are funny things.  ten years ago, i'd never heard of one.  never did i dream that i'd be making so public much of what i'd kept so private, in the past.  i live a quiet life, doing what i feel is the right thing to do.  placing myself in a fish bowl for all to see, for all to accept or to reject, is something that would have felt completely foreign in the years i lived without a computer, when i functioned with the telephone and the postal service serving as my only means with which to communicate.  these days, i still live a quiet life, i still work alone and live alone and spend my time making artwork that i continue to sell for a living.  but in the past twelve years, i've become more of a public person through publications, through teaching, and now, through this blog.  i have to try to maintain that fragile balance of public and private, i must walk the thin line that divides my life here at home and the self that is thrown out there for anyone to view, to read, to judge, to accept, to spurn.  it is your choice.  i'm ever grateful that you continue to come back here to read, that you let me know you are there, that i have a loyal following, that i am able to work from home, to write about it, to share with you my ups and my downs without (usually) having to defend myself for being sometimes a little too open with how i might be feeling on a difficult day.

i've heard from so many of you in the last twenty four hours.... i've received private emails from those who wrote about the photographs, each of them very supportive and deeply appreciative for what i do here.  their letters were understanding and grateful, and they will keep coming back to visit here.  i am more grateful than i can say that they each took the time to write.  as for those few of you whose exposed nerves i seem to have jabbed, i truly hope that you'll be able to find the solace you seek, wherever life will take you.  and i hope that somewhere along the way, you were able to find a little peace here.  maybe a little.  i do wish you well.

Comments

[glòria]

I'm deeply touched by your words, by you. As usual, as always. Love U. Never, ever change.

[delila]

so often Nina when i feel sad for some reason i come to your blog looking the photographs, sometimes i do not even read your words. they give me comfort, to look that landscape of yours, the beautiful trees.

[Hazel]

My goodness, Nina, we ALL have bad days and rough patches in our lives! Some people swallow them and risk becoming bitter or depressed; other people share them with friends or loved ones to be exposed to the light and hopefully eased. With your incredibly creative personality, you are a sharer and that's a good thing.

I admire you for including negative comments as well as the glowing ones. Many blogs moderate comments and block anything that's in opposition to the blog. That seems to me to be artificial...a denial of life which is full of good and bad.

Keep being who YOU are, and do what you NEED to do, Nina.

(((more hugs)))

[Lori]

Bravo - and I'll just ditto Hazel's comment.

[Mary G.]

Like Hazel said . . .

Isn't it funny how some people will cut you some slack when you snap (especially when they know you've been having a stressful time?) and other people will jump all over you for it? And the internet somehow seems to make the mean impulses worse -- people will write things they would never say to your face.

That link to your iphone app was a gift -- I hope it was appreciated. (I don't have a smart phone so it just flew right over my little head!) You know, it's not the tool but how you use it, anyway.

Take good care of yourself.

[donna c]

You are a wonderful sensitive artist Nina. We appreciate your gifts. Never forget that. And the mean people need to go get a life.
.....I’d like to say they could go "do something else", but that would perpetuate the mean ;)
You go girl! xoxoxoxoxo

[vickie]

I'll always come back. You draw me close in so many ways.
vickie in kc

[susan]

Thank YOU for this post, Nina. I'll always be here - as long as you want to keep telling your stories and posting your pictures. Your words are what keep me calm and hopeful in this crazy world.

xo dusan

[Sandy]

Nina,

I think your blog is your haven, you share from the heart and never cease to provide inspiration whether it is through your words or your amazing photos, or your artful creations. I personally do not think every artist has to share every secret to their style (referring to your photo process mentioned in the previous post). I grateful to be able to come here and be inspired your thoughts, feelings, and artwork that you so generously and transparently share. If that is not enough for some readers then perhaps they need move on. I appreciate your efforts and the painstaking time it takes to post. Thank you!

[Di]

We're your tribe. I'm so glad I found you, you give me so much more than you probably imagine, with your beautiful stories in post form. Loved this too.
As always,
Di xo

[Jennifer]

Blogs are funny things aren't they? I almost commented on your post yesterday because it made me stand up and cheer in my mind. (Unfortunately I was at work so it would have looked funny had I done it outwardly.)

I have questioned the time I spend with mine too, and questioned my obligations - the "rules" that have materialized within this otherwise wonderful medium. The gifts I've got from the process are great. Like finding your [ever authentic] space here. I don't comment very often - it's one of the blog rules I break, unfortunately. But it's always a pleasure to visit you, as it was yesterday, reading an honest and open expression.

I'm glad you won't pull the post.

[Cece]

Lovely post... don't change a thing, unless, of course you want to.
Cece

[Linda B.]

Nina, I'll just say this: I've been away from my computer for 12 days. The 3rd site I visited when I turned the thing back on way your blog (after email and facebook -- sorry!) I always look forward to your posts. Because I also have a blog, I KNOW how much time and effort you invest in yours. Keep writing. As I've commented to you before, it's your blog and you can express whatever you wish. Those who don't wish to read it can go elsewhere for whatever it is they seek. Those who want to dictate what bloggers write should start their own damn blog and invest into it the energy they now expend by leaving negative comments on others' blogs.

[sandra]

thank you for being here, there and everywhere...

some have eyes but cannot see
some have ears but do not understand
some have mouth and never utter thanks...

you have many,though, who've got your back...

[Katherine Langford]

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well"
Julian of Norwich

[Jyl]

Many have already said it but let me add my words to theirs... Thank YOU, Nina. Thank you for giving so much of yourself. Thank you for providing a peaceful, comtemplative respite for us all. I love your Ornamental life. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Steph]

Hi Nina,

I'm one of *those* who always checks in but never comments. Well, here I am! I love your blog, your jewelry, your photos & your writing. I too, live alone. I'm in the far North. I love my life. I've never blogged & probably never will, but I do enjoy the blogs I follow. I hope you never change. Always remember this... I live by it...
What other people think of you is none of your business!

Namaste,
Steph

[herhimnbryn]

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Deanne Fitzpatrick]

Dear Nina, you mentioned the book that never happens. I too blog everyday, and I write books. I think the blog is great in that it is a bit of a mine for the books, gives me a resource, so in that way I am always thankful for the record it provides.byou keep a lovely record here

[Kim]

Sweet Jesus people .. We are all lucky Nina gives us the time of day!
Like she says it's HER blog. Her personal online journal and if you don't like what she posts that is to bad again it is hers not yours! Feel gratitude she lets us in the door! Xox big bad Kim

[christina]

I missed your blog posting yesterday, but went back and read through it. As an artist I don't think you have to share your techniques with everyone and I applaud you for sticking to your guns so to speak.

I feel sad that there are those in the world who would seek to tear you down for this.

I feel so very fortunate in stumbling upon your blog several months ago. There are times when I read your posts that I am humbled by your words. You have a beauty in writting that touches my soul and I for one would be greatly stressed if you were to cease writting here.

Like someone else commented I read you often but don't always comment because it seems like I would just be repeating something that someone already has said. But I did want to take this opportunity to let you know how much your blog means to me.

Peace to you lovely woman!

[kellie]

Nina, I hardly ever comment on anything, reserved I guess. But i just want to say, you are great.

[Nancy M]

Looks like there are many more positive thoughts than negative. I am one of the "lurkers" too, who always looks forward to your posts but doesn't comment often. I have to say, it amazes me that people would leave a negative comment on someone's blog. Really?!? I applaud you for putting your heart and thoughts out there, even though you know you are going to get the negatives. And really, why would anyone expect you to share your processes? Don't give up- keep feeding our souls with your art. :)

[jen]

I'm one of those mostly-lurkers, though commented just the other day. I'd echo a lot of what other folks have said, that I DO appreciate your words, your images, your work. I respect you so much for putting yourself out there and sharing. I think it's one of the wonders of the information age - how much I have felt kinship with bloggers whose words I get to read, it's truly a gift but I don't appreciate it as much as I should. Reading what other people write helps me know that things I feel are felt by others, that we are not alone. But I'm guilty of not responding often and that's unfair of me - to take comfort from others but not to offer something in return. Part of it is that reading blogs gets to be a bit like eating bon-bons - jumping around, reading with delight, CONSUMING and moving on. Giving back is important but I've not done my share, and for that I apologize.

Here's a gift, that in part I offer to you, and that you've given me via inspiration to show up more - that as one of my resolutions for this year (I give myself til the end of January for my year's goals) is that I will at least start small and comment on one blog every day that I read blogs. I don't mean always on yours, but you are my starting point to reach out and respond, to speak out. I know some of the other blog writers I follow also puzzle and fret about lack of comments, and I've felt guilty about them, so now it begins. Thank you for helping me commit to de-lurk and show up more, I need to give as well as receive. I've known this, but knowing and doing are different things.

Here's a question though, as a writer do you really appreciate every comment, no matter how small? I mean, I understand how long it takes you to write a post, but comments take time too! Trying to write this long-ish comment has taken almost an hour now, and it's worth it, but I wonder when I read blogs if just a short sentence or two comment would really mean much to the author. Sometimes I feel like if I don't have the time to write a longer, meaningful comment that it isn't worth it to the writer, and so I stay silent. Or if I'm just going to echo what someone else has said I let their words speak for me. I should speak for myself but sometimes wonder if I need to speak it if I don't have something new to say.

Do what you need to do, what's best for you, hopefully it will still include posts here so I can comment!

[Tina in McLeansville]

ah well...such is life....some are just meant to face the wind.
here for the long haul...why leave now...it's just gettin' good...!!! ;) hugs...xoxo

[Jillayne]

I almost love this post more than the last one. And I am in the camp that is glad you didn't pull it.
I think of blogs as diaries of a sort - a place to ponder out loud and tell the world what we are thinking, feeling, doing... and as such, not all is revealed - some is just too private, or not relevant to what you are trying to say in any given post... I think most people get that.
I am new to your blog, and it has quickly become a favourite - it's honest, straightforward and real and I love it.

[lilylovekin]

I've been at work for the past 3 days-what did I miss? I just read the past posts-it sounds like a little storm took place at Ornamental. I love the honesty and heart of your writing. Reading your work makes me connect with something inside of myself, I feel more alive when I leave your blog-Thank goodness you are still going to be here I would miss you if you were gone. all my love Lorrie

[mary]

Wow! I miss a few days of checking in here and I come back to all kinds of stuff! I read both of your posts, but didn't have the stamina to read through all the MANY comments.

Let me comment that I love your blog, love ALL your photos and LOVE your art. I do miss you when you don't post, but I figure you have a life and when you have time you will post again. Although I have emailed you privately a few times when I just couldn't stand the suspense, I don't feel it is my place to intrude on your personal life.

I "know" you, but you don't really know me or the hundreds, perhaps thousands, who read your blog, so that does put you in an awkward spot. For a reader who you don't even know to feel offended by your words is ridiculous. For them to comment about how offended they are is infantile. I suggest you keep on posting what YOU want; like you said, people are free to click here or click elsewhere.

[Minnie]

Nina. I spent an hour posting to yesterday's post, and it said ornamental
Would not take post, I am sad because I have run out of time to write it again, You are a divine gift. I treasure all your deep wisdom, compassion,and love for life. You are my mentor, muse, budda, you are very treasured by me, and seeing the posts, by many many people.... Hugs hugs hugs.

[hol]

I will never forget the day I met you, or the joy that followed after! I adore your 'real and true heart', could anyone, a friend ask for more?
My mind is blown away when I realize it was 18 years ago!
It is you, your spirit, your heart, your talent, your everything, that I love so dearly, You are my Baaabe!
Carry On And Go Forward!

[hol]

Oh and, XOXOXOXO, Biggie LOVE!

[Ruth Liggett]

Keeping your heart open and doing your utmost to live in the real world is an almost impossible task, something that I am trying to do but seldom achieve. More than most, you seem to be able to deal with what life offers in an inspiring and creative way.Sometimes it is really heartening to hear the other side.
When you took the time to write down how long it takes to produce such exquisite photographs I wanted to cheer.So it isn't a magical instant process! You are doing what I do when I twiddle and manipulate and layer,with better results I have no doubt,but the process and the time spent doing it is the same.We love you so much for telling us a little bit about that. Always keep it real Nina. It's a miracle that you keep on blogging despite your making and teaching and traveling and family and all...I am in awe. I wish we could sit down together and have a cup of tea.Thankyou for being there through all that has been. Love you Nina.xxx

[LeAnn]

Hi Nina, I've just gone back and read your previous post. And here are the thoughts on that post that I really wanted to share with you because I feel much gratitude.

You know, I don't actually see this as a rant. I just see it as an honest expression of your feelings. Nor do I see you as the sensitive, fragile artist who needs constant affirmation from her adoring fans to feel whole and complete, to fill in the well of insecurity. Quite the opposite, actually. I came back to this post after reading the most recent. I generally read (and enjoy doing so)whatever you have to say but have been ill and out of sorts and on something of an extended sabbatical from the land of blog. That has included an extended sabbatical from my studio with deep navel gazing and questioning the meaning of life and me and all of those weird things that go with naval gazing. Oddly enough, your word here seem to be just the push I need right now to get back at it. Somewhere along the line in this dark time of mine I've forgotten how to look at those little things around me, things like dew on a leaf in the morning sunlight. I've forgotten how much those little moments inspire me and fill me up with gratitude for life. Those moments silently slipped away. And isn't it even odder that this is not at all what your words here are about? But there you have it. I thank you for it.

[velma]

nina, you have every right to say your piece...i enjoy reading your blog, though i comment seldom. your honest walk through a woman's life, YOUR woman's life, is perhaps threatening to many. i think it's marvelous.

[Ann]

Wow, something must be in the air! See http://beadlust.blogspot.com/. I belong to an online genealogy group, and there's been a lot of discussion of to share/not to share there in the past couple of days. Seems like our increased ability to share has raised a lot of ownership issues that will be a challenge to address. Hopefully we can evolve into a respectful, non-judgemental and kind way of doing this.

[Judy Merrill-Smith]

Ah, I am late to all this, I see. I read your previous post and this one, and find myself nodding yes frequently.

I blogged for the better part of five years. And it was fun for much of it, but I started to wonder what else I could be doing with my time. It stopped being fun. And I found very daunting at points to be public about my beliefs, especially about the conjunction of the artistic and the spiritual. I just didn't want to do that dance at this stage of the game. I also knew that my family would be facing another move, and my energy for the blog wasn't there. So I've stopped, at least for now. It was a worthwhile endeavor while it lasted.

I guess I'm writing all this to say that I hear you, and honestly, I think it's okay to let folks know how much time it takes to produce this thing of beauty, and that some knowledge is hard-won and not for the taking. You are generously putting yourself out there. I am grateful that you are willing to say "I am what I am" and mean it. It is a wonderful reminder to the rest of us that the world needs us just as we are.

[Ann]

I really don't know squat about blogs - there are only 2 that I look at from time to time - are all comments automatically posted, or does the owner screen them? Just like to know how things I participate in work....

[Ramona Gordy]

Hi Nina
Thank you. Have I ever told you how "we"met?
Almost 2 years ago I was "blog surfing" because I had never experienced a blog before.(Seriously,I was trying to set up my own blog). So I found a blog on "altered art"and your blog was in someone's favorite column. So I clicked in and there was a picture of you, on a sunny day,walking on a beach, but it looked like a cold day. There were pictures of dogs that seemed to know you,but you said that they were not yours. I loved that post and I proceeded to read a few more posts. I became an admirer of your creativity and realness. I wish at times I could "let go" and live according to my creative gifts. I know your struggles but I feel that you are a strong person. Hang in there. Don't go changing...

[Maria C.]

Stop pondering those negative comments! Some people aren't happy until they've made someone else miserable. Don't give them so much power over you.
Take Walter for a long walk, come back and have some hot tea and think about all the beauty in the world!
Lot's of Love..Maria and Benji (in my heart), his younger brother, Frankie and now there is also Jefferson (J-Dog).

[Erin Perry]

As so many have said - it's your blog. That means you get to post what you want to post. If people don't like what you say - they are free to read other blogs. Bad days, we all have them, rants? - we all need to now and then. You know that 99% of the people who read your blog are thrilled, comforted, and amazed by your words and your talent. That other 1% aren't secure or happy with themselves, hence they can't be with anyone else. Know you are appreciated and loved dear one.
Erin in Morro Bay

[SusanS]

I thought I posted this last night, but I can't find my comment. ha ha, maybe because I used the F word.
It speaks volumes about who you are that someone found you by googling "blue indigo bunting feathers" don't you think? I freaking LOVE that!
I seriously doubt your name will come up if I google "unpleasant morning experience" or "requires fawning readers".

As my grandmother is fond of saying to me, "keep yer pecker up" (whatever that means)
xo

[Mary]

Hugs to you and Walter. I wish we were neighbors.

[Kim]

I don't comment often. but I love reading your blog. You are so YOU and that's why I read you. Your artistic gifts are many and I appreciate that you share them publicly. It's unfortunate that this world is populated with those people who get their joy bringing others down.

[Just Jane]

There have been times when I've opened wept as I composed a blog post. Usually, I will publish it and then fall asleep (I write at night). When I wake up, I am ashamed that I've allowed angst to bleed out into my space. And then I am reminded...I am authentic in those emotions. If I attempt to cover them up, my readers will sense it and lose faith in my honesty. You've kept the faith of your readers close. Again, thank you.

[barbara karr]

Oh, Nina...I don't know what to say...forget the haters; they are coming to your blog for something other than the wonder, beauty, wisdom and inspiration. Through your blog I have come to feel a warm friendship with you and care very much what you are going through. When you lost your father, I wished I could be there for you and your mom. When you wrote about having your place broken into..twice..I wished I could be there to help pick up the pieces and make you feel secure again. Nina, you write for me..I share your life, good and bad. OK, I am starting to sound like a stalker here, but I want you to know that I am one of a great multitude who love and care about you. barbara

[diane cook]

Nina,
I do come here and read what you say because I want to, and because I have enjoyed it for many years. You are a gifted teacher and jewelry designer, but more than that a gifted writer... which often spurs an emotional lift in my every winding road of creativity. So without hesitation, I want to thank you for that...AND for being you =) xo

[LINDA]

Love you, please never stop writing your blog and sharing yourself.
Linda

[jen e]

oh, nina...i was just catching up on this...just wanted to let you know how much i love the space you have created here...it is a special one, to be sure...and we are all lucky to share in it...if there are some who visit and do not feel that way, then why do they bother to even come? i have never understood people like that...not sure i ever will. sending lots of hugs and a imaginary heart rock to you...

[erin]

dear nina...i have been busy in my world with drama on many fronts and grieving the loss of someone dear. i make it a gift to myself to stop by your blog as often as i can because i can rest here. it's as if i've stopped by for a cup of tea and am listening to you...seeing what you see...hearing what you hear. i am grateful you let me in.

[Robin N]

thing about it is, those two 'grumpy-grumps' that posted something about not coming back--they took something magical with them and it will forever stay with them. So, even if they don't return (and I bet they do) they have something wondrous with them, from you.... what an amazing gift.

You can only do so much. Don't worry. You will be fine.

[Carol Weiler]

I'm so glad you didn't pull your very honest and touching post. I have only recently started a blog inspired by you and another very favorite artist of mine whose class I am currently taking. I reasoned that it would hold me accountable - and it is no easy task as I am quite technically challenged. I think some people think blogs are like some modern art-"Oh I could do that-probably better"-but do they? No! because they don"t have the guts to or the where-with-all or the courage to put it out there. Because they don't really know themselves well enough to even be able to express themselves honestly. Because they are afraid they'll be judged or criticized. so much courage you have-even when you're down. We are so grateful.

[Maria C.]

Nina mentioned the word "judge" in her posting and I couldn't resist.
I believe anytime we are tempted to judge another person, we might want to take a good long look into the mirror and look at our own shortcomings a little closer.
Just because someone shares parts of their life with us does not imply an invitation to tear into them and start criticizing them.
If you (whoever you are) are so small minded and absolutely cannot resist, surely in the millions of blogs out there, you can find a like-minded soul which you can torture into something more to your liking.
The rest of us are pretty much happy right here where we are (with all of our short comings).