warning

  a tussy mussy for you, from the woods behind my house

after what has turned out to be a surprisingly difficult two days, i discovered last night to my utter dismay that my email address had been hacked.  that there are people in this world who thrive on this sort of thing disgusts me to no end.  for the many, many innocent people who received an email with my name on it, inviting you to sign up for this and for that, i offer my profound apologies (and an order to NOT open the link)!  thanks, ever thanks, to my dearest pal julie, who at midnight sat quietly on the other end of the phone and listened to me sob uncontrollably.  she is such a lifeline, at the best and worst of times:  after my wailing slowed down, she simply told me to go on to bed and get some rest, while she stayed up those extra minutes to straighten things out for me, long distance. 
i had a fairly strong case of the easter blues - it was my first in 55 years to be completely on my own, away from family:  since i had just spent 1.5 weeks in alabama less than two weeks ago, and both boys were tied down with work obligations in their far flung places, i was here, with walter, alone.  i am not one to attend church - i believe in surrounding myself with the glories of nature for what someone else might call worship - and was thankfully able to do just that when a friend called to suggest we go on a hike.  it was a lovely afternoon, photographing wildflowers over in the park (that sounds so nonchalant and casual, but it still blows my mind all these years later that within 15 minutes i can be walking a trail in the Great Smoky Mountain Park), and stopping on the way home for a frozen fruit drink.  it wasn't until i walked back into the house and checked the answering machine that i began to fall apart.  cell phones don't work in the park (and barely work here, for that matter).  my mother had prepared an easter meal for my uncle bob, who was visiting from atlanta, and for a couple of sweet neighbors who have become family to us.  after dinner, while still seated at the table, mama simply and quietly fainted, in the middle of a conversation.  she does not remember the ambulance ride to the hospital, doesn't remember anything until a great while later in the emergency room.  two nights and a day later, she is home again, to all of our great relief.  i'm still confused about what could have caused this, and the angst over anything else happening to my mother anytime soon has been taking its toll on me.  and like a great big dark rolling ball, all of the worry and the stress and the sorrow of this time last year, as we began to lose daddy, has come rolling back down out of the woods, where those fractious emotions had been lurking somewhere behind a great big tree.

i'll say what i said in my last post right here:  more and more and more my family matters so greatly, to me.  and "family" includes those friends who have stuck by me, through thick and through thin, through anger and confusion and tears, through all of the bad that comes also with the good, with me.  i just can't adequately express the depth of my love for these chosen family members.  or for my sister.  my mother.  my uncle.  my boys.  life is so precious, and so tender.  and so, so sweet. xo

Comments

[Marie]

Thinking of you and hoping your Mum is OK. hugs Marie

[julie whitmore]

Hi Sweetie

Let me know if i can help
sending a large hug and the best most healthfilled prayers for your wonderful mama.
xxx

[Tina in McLeansville]

i wish i could say something profound, but all i can do is tell you i love you, sweet friend...and send wishes and prayers for strength and healing to all of you, especially your mom. big hugs....xoxo

[Marti C.]

I am new to blogging Nina and I enjoy your writing so much...just wanted to let you know you and yours are in my prayers...blessings to all you love,
take care...

[Sue]

Sending you best wishes and virtual hugs across the ocean dear Nina xo

[susan]

You've had a rough few days, Nina. I'm glad you had a good cry, with your wonderful friend Julie to comfort you.
You, your mama, and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending much love to all of you.

xo dusan

[Diana B]

I often wonder how much good could be done in the world if the folks who hack and spam turned that energy to doing positive and productive things. Sadly, that ain't gonna happen any time soon. So sorry this happened to you, Nina. Anyone who spends much time on the internet has received a few of these emails that simply don't seem like something the sender would pass on, so I imagine those who got them from you realized your account had been hacked. Time to start changing your email password periodically, and to something tough to crack, to help avoid a recurrence.

I do hope what happened to your mother is a one-off and doesn't recur; it has to be very distressing for you (and her).

Always remember, we may not be family, but we're out here pulling for you! If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know.

[susanc]

I am so sorry that you have had such a hard last few days and hope that your dear mom is feeling much, much better. Take care. xxx

[Michele R. Unger]

I'm so sorry you had the email issues. I understand the feeling of violation---and fury and frustration at trying to undo the damage caused. But everyone who got the fraudulent email knew what happened WAS NOT YOUR FAULT (I knew), so please don't fret. Some times bad things happen to good people. As for your your mother's recent ailment, I hope & pray she's better and continues to be so. You have so many admirers who wish you only good things. Pat Walter. Enjoy the spring glories. You are not alone.
XO

[Farmlady]

I send my good thoughts and prayers for your Mom and for you too. Life is like a rush of water from Spring rains that comes fast and without warning.
You see the beauty of the world, Nina. You have a gift. It can also be a distraction from the scariness part of life.
Go... hold your mother's hand and let the love flow. There is so little time, Nina. It happens so fast. Please... I know.

[Michelle @ Give a Girl a Fig]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother fainting...I pray it was just that, and won't happen again.

I lost my Papa last August..he was my last grandparent. I was surprised by how hard it hit me, the reality that life is fleeting and that someday I, too, will lose my parents. It's a such a strange and crazy thought...and brings me to tears at least once a day. That and the fact that Seth will be a senior next year and will head off into the world...THAT brings me to tears daily, too.

Love to you my friend...xoxoxoxo

[tracey]

Oh, poor you! I know what you mean about family. For the first time in 19 years my daughter wasn't home for Easter, so we went to her and took her on a picnic for Easter Sunday. My mom will celebrate her 81st birthday next Friday so I am going to visit, I hate the thought that there won't be many more birthdays for her..... family is the most important thing and they aren't with us forever!
Every other day I go to your Etsy shop and look a the Sweet Prayer necklace, it wants to be mine, but I need some galleries to send me some checks!!!!

[Patricia Walters]

First, I'm sending much love and healing energy to you and your mom. Yes, family, by blood and by choice, is very, very important. Cherish every moment.

Next, let me echo a previous comment. Having your email hacked (stolen). Is NOT your fault. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. You owe no one an apology, just a note to say, as you did in your blog post, don't open that link. We should all be cautious of links regardless.

I've had my email hacked, too, in the past. It can take quite some time for it to be over. But it will be.

[Nancy Krampf]

a karmic pox on hackers.

now back to positive karma.........am sending you love,
light and prayers for you, your family and especially your momma.
xxxx000xxxxx00000xx0x0xx0x0xxx0x0xx0xx0xx000000xx0xx0

[herhimnbryn]

My arm around your shoulder, the kettle on the boil and ginger cake in a tin. If I could, I would be there...
xo

[Carol Weiler]

So sorry Nina for what you have had to go thru. You know what's important, you know beauty, and these will help bring some light to these dark times. Blessings.

[Lori Burek]

So sorry for the lonely Easter- I know the feeling(s) along with the toll that family can have on one's health. We all try to be strong but then the feather lands and we burst open. Next week I'm off for yet another knee operation and hope it all goes smoothly. As for the hacker -- hmmm. I send your mother loving prayers.Hugs!!!
Lori

[Sandy]

Sending thoughts of comfort and strength your way and healing thoughts for your mother. Hang in there Nina!

[Mary]

When stress and anxiety are overwhelming I read some Wendell Berry poetry to soothe my soul. Lately I feel like I might need to carry a book of his poetry with me at all times. Here's to deep breaths, heavy sighs and therapeutic cries. At least you have violets to cheer you up! Best wishes to your mom.

[vickie]

I do hope your mother is recovering alright, and yes, as one has already said, a pox on hackers. Thank goodness for your friend Julie! And for all the rest of us who care and want to help, me included. Hope you can feel all the hugs coming your way.
vickie in kc

[Barbara]

Sweetheart, Estrella Nina ... we're all here lovin' you, your work, your posts ... just keep reaching for that, keep on letting beauty establish your days and your ways, and this will pass. Love to your mum xoxo

[Bonnie Moench]

Dear Nina

Take a deep breath, and laugh, it cleanses the mind and soul.
As for the hacker, it happened to Best Buy and to this day I am still getting adds for penis enlargers, and if I had a penis and it needed enlarging that would be great.
So laugh, and let it go.
Prayers for your mom.

xoxo
Bonnie

[Jillayne]

Thick and thin; the best of friends are the ones that get that, and quietly scoop up your troubles and hold them for you while you regroup... sometimes the world really is just too much with us.
Thinking of you and your Mom and hoping for some peaceful, easy times ahead...

[Fonda Haight]

I did get an email from you...lol...I knew immediately it was not from you. Don't worry, those of us who follow you know better.

Peaceful, happy, healthy energy to you and your Mom. Be well Nina!

sending hugs,
Fonda

[kim]

***hugs*** As someone above said, we've all received those spam emails at some point.

As someone who also has a frail mother - and who lives far away from family...I know how it feels when something goes wrong and you're powerless to help out. Immediate anxiety.

[glòria]

My prayers are with you and your family.

[Mary G.]

Oh, Nina! Sending you love and good wishes. Life can be SO difficult sometimes. You will get through this, too. I just know it. Anniversaries and holidays can sometimes be more emotional than we can anticipate.

PS I love your tiny bouquet. I have a messy lawn just full of violets, so the violets gave me a good sense of the scale of your little tussy-mussy.

[delila]

i am truly glad that your Mother is feeling better! you are often on my thoughts. take good care of yourself Nina. i wish i could be there with you in days like this...

i received the e-mail also, but knew it would not be from you. Lately this hacking has happened for my sister and other friends also.

[Molly Vollmer]

Yur post brought me to tears. I so understand your fears and loneliness for your family. I lost my oldest child March 26. She was only 49. So many things she won't be here for. Hang in there. You have so many friends to hold you up.

[MaggieD (Dianne)]

From the deep woods of Oregon.. to the deep woods of North Carolina... heartfelt prayers for you and yours.

[Lorri Scott]

I came home from New Zealand and found out my Dad's is in the hospital having had a mild heart attack. I'm on the fence about whether to go to St. Louis to be with him or not. Geez I feel so anxious and will probably try and get on a plane tomorrow. I'm getting ready to call him and that will determine my decision. More and more our generation is dealing with aging parents and it's harder than we ever thought. I am sending you gentle thoughts. xox

[Robyn Ayaz]

Dear Nina, I have just had the same email problem and it is just SO annoying and ridiculous that someone is just sitting somewhere throwing out this bad energy to the world. Hug for you (()). I am so glad your Mum is ok, what a fright when you just had such a lovely visit. May blessings pour down on both of you.

[beth]

thinking of you and your mom.....xo

[fay]

We tend to take things for granted when younger it seems. As we get older, it is the simpler things that we cling to. Family is everything. I have lost both of my parents, mum was over 30 years ago, so young and dad was 2 years ago, my fabulous sister and best friend was 7 years ago this year. We all just take so much for granted, our health, our families, our friends. I guess it is human nature to do this.

I just turned 60 last week. My grandson was doing his homework, part of which was to interview a member of his family. Turns out that I am the oldest member of this branch of the family. How the hell did that happen I ask myself. I am still 19 and about to be married, in my mind that is.

So, yes, it is so easy to take things for granted, until there is nothing left except our memories.

[Lee]

I am glad to hear your mom is feeling better. It must have been so scary and traumatic for you. I hope they find some answers for you. Maybe she needs to wear a holter monitor for her heart? Check her blood sugar? Maybe she was tired and hadn't eaten.

I have been very tearful lately too- missing family, missing friends, completely overwhelmed. I try to keep remembering how lucky I am. I know you miss your father, he is risen also!

I got one of those emails and ignored it, I knew what it was. Sorry I didn't let you know, but I figured someone would. Hackers are such bullies and BORES!! It's OK, it happens to a lot of people.

Enjoy the spring- I think it's almost here in Maine! HUGS

[Sharron]

So, so sorry about your scare with your Mama, and the despicable hacking . We all appreciate julies rescue work!
The tussy mussy is dear, thank you. Huge hugs!

[Dale]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and hope she is on the mend. We are going through some things with my mom also and are waiting to hear from the doctors. Also sorry to hear your email was hacked. Actually I was surprised to get an "email" from you. Knowing you are not the kind of person to send corrupted email, I did open it. From what I can remember it made no sense so decided something weird was going on and deleted it, but never till now thought about hacking. So far my computer seems to be ok.

[Debi]

a year down the road from my mother's hard death, i know where you stand - i don't stand there, we all have our own unique places of grief, but i know where you stand. it is close to where i stand and i reach out a hand to you across the internet. i know the scary stuff and it is damn scary.

sending vibes of strength and courage for you, and prayers for your mom.

[Jan]

Prayers for you and your Mom, Nina. I don't think these spells are too, too unusual at that age. Your Mom probably exerted herself a little more than usual; add to that the warmth of a kitchen and lots of up and down hosting the dinner. Praying something that simple explains the spell. Jan

[Sue in Melbourne]

thinking of you and your mum with empathy. hope you're doing okay. wish i could offer something more tangible than my best wishes, Sue in Melbourne

[Ann]

Ditto on the Easter blues. This seems to be a particularly challenging time for a lot of people (maybe just us older empty nesters....)

[donna joy]

I think we've all been hacked-changing password seems to have helped mine. Hope all is well with your mom-it happens with my grandfather-but mostly blood pressure reasons. It's hard when you don't live nearby to check in on them.
Warm thoughts your way~

[Emily]

Oh Nina,
I do hope your dear mom is okay.
I haven't had any "weird" emails from you, so not everyone has been affected--hope that helps a little.
Hope you are doing okay.

[Kathy Pennekamp]

Sorry about your mom. My mom passed away Aug 12 of last year. It has been a rough time settling her estate and dealing with the same feelings that you are going through right now. It does make you think of your own mortality and the beginning of losing more and more people that we love so dearly. Enjoy each and every day to the fullest. Do want you want to do to do in life NOW. We all are going to be together once again someday. I have changed the way that I think about everything. My art room has been a place to store my beloved supplies. I guess some people call it a Hoard. But now I am creating the best art ever because I am using everything. Not waiting for a better day. Enjoy your lovely heaven on earth. I will pray for your mom. She looks so sweet. Enjoy your life you are such a sweet and loving person.

[Mary Beth]

Thinking of you and sending well wishes for your Mom. I sincerely hope this turns out to be nothing serious, can't imagine how you must be worried though.
I missed seeing you at Artfest - felt like you should have been there. xoxo

[sandra]

oh my...just reading this post after having posted about the beauty of your other posts and being reincarnated...no offense meant. I should have read your posts in order.

But the hacking is common. I was once hacked and people were asked to send money to faraway places; so embarrassing. I know the feeling: it's violating...like someone taking something so personal or invading your home.

Being online can be beautiful and then ugly sometimes.

My heart is with you...

[sandra]

your family and you are in my thoughts and meditations...

[barbara karr]

Dear Nina, I am so sorry to hear about your mother and know it must add to your worry to have her so far away. I pray for her swift recovery and that it was just a case of over-work on your mother's part. I am also so sorry that the evil that men do has touched you again. Reading your blog and getting to know you has made it easier to put aside the nastiness of the world. When I read what you write, all the cares and sorrows fall away and I am there with you walking with Walter and delighting in the beauty of this world. Thank you for that...also, know that you are never really alone...those of us who care are always out here for you.

[rachelle]

a BIG hug from me. I wish I could deliver it personally. I saw the spam and deleted. NO HARM DONE and no one can blame you. Spam is not your fault babe. I am going to go stare at ur beautiful pieces in your shop. I wish you lots of lovely walks, heart stones and all. xxx

[Lorraine]

I have been absent for a bit.....I hope your Mother is doing better Nina. My Mother had a spell last week while I was out of town and it is frustrating when you are not there and can only do so much from afar. I too have come to realize how precious family and my extended family is to me.

Your new pieces are beautiful Nina!! I am really looking forward to June at Vlley Ridge!

[Tammi]

so sorry to hear about your mother and problems with the despicables out there...

[Just Jane]

I'm so sorry I'm this late to read and respond to this post. Two months ago, I too, quietly and without warning, fainted. It was terrifying.

After several tests though it was determined that I was dehydrated and exhausted. I can easily see how this might happen to your mother as she worked happily away at creating a nice meal for her guests.

I hope she is feeling better and that your fears have been alleviated.